Never Forget Me

September 28th 3:15 am, that was when I died. I was on the way home from work when my car flew off the I-95 going 86 miles per hour. The road was slick and there was a slight mist in the air. I died immediately on impact. I don't know why I know all of that stuff, it's just something that you know when you die.

I stepped out of my car right after it stopped rolling, except I did not have to use the door, I just sort of drifted. I could not feel solid objects, I traveled right through them and they through me. I realized that I had become an object of imagination, something that people hear about in books and see in movies. I was a phantom, a shade, a ghoul. I was a ghost . I looked like myself, just slightly more pale. I wore pale grey scrubs that somehow fit perfectly. I was cold, very cold. My skin felt like a piece of ice that was somewhere between a solid and a gas.

I was in the process of making those observations when the first responders showed up. The early morning was painted red and blue with emergency lights that unsurprisingly traveled right through my body. I walked right through the ranks of people gaping at the mangled car that was seemingly placed there as an example to others driving. They did not see me, although some seemed to get a cold chill as I walked through them.

I was not as scared as I should have been because I have essentially been invisible my entire life. I was a faceless shadow behind a desk at a 24 hour insurance agency. Now I was an invisible ghost that wandered the freeway. I started on the 10 miles home. When I walked my legs moved as if they were walking, but I could not feel the floor. Instead I glided with my legs acting more like oars of a boat than legs. Cars zoomed right through me without a second of hesitation, and why shouldn’t they? I was not in their world nor they in mine, our worlds just seemed to overlap at that moment. When I reached my house the sun had begun to rise and I could feel my form dissipating past what I could even see. The sun was dissolving my existence. I frantically tried to get out of the light, but it was no use the sun came up and I was gone. 

My vision returned and it was like no time had passed, a blink of an eye and I was back, my form strengthening. The sun had just gone down. I felt slightly more solid that day than I had the previous day, more like a person and less like a gust of wind. I became stronger as the days went by. I passed my time by exploring my neighbor’s houses and spying on them, partly because I had nothing else to do, and partly because I felt like it was now my role as a ghost, to be a constant wander. This continued for around a month. Everyday I explored a new part of town, learning everything I could about every part of my small, charming town. 

I later learned that Halloween was the peak of my strength. On October 30th I felt more solid, more real than I ever had before. I could feel the cold ground underneath my feet, the slight breeze moved my hair. I could now control what I went through and what I touched, I could now interact with both worlds, the world of the living and that of the dead. Still though I could not be seen or heard. 

The moment midnight struck and the day turned into October 31st I felt a surge of power. My feet fell flat on the floor and I began to run. I did not know where I was going, but I was free. It felt like a chain had been lifted. My strength was increasing. I was as powerful as I could imagine, but they still could not hear or see me. 

I had everything now but I just wanted to be acknowledged, I wanted someone to know I was still there. I went into houses and yelled as loud as I could, but none stirred. I reached out to shake a sleeping child but they just shifted in their sleep as if having a nightmare. The loneliness was just beginning to take hold. On previous days it made sense that I could not be heard or seen, but on that day, I felt so real, so alive, but I was constantly reminded that I was not. The sun began to rise and again I was gone. 

I reformed and my power and madness surged. Ghosts were always known as evil vengeful spirits and all this time of being one I did not know why. I had no disdain for anyone and I did not feel the urge to haunt anyone, but the fear and madness that came with being alone, so close to other people but still unable to communicate, that was enough to drive someone over the edge. I was going to make my presence known. I knew that if anyone was going to notice me it was going to be on Halloween, when my life force is strongest and people’s minds are at most unrest. 

From my travels of the town I knew of a large party that was being thrown at an abandoned church building. I made my way over there immediately and even though the sun had just dropped below the horizon people had begun to gather. Tendrils of fiery light still illuminated the sky. However it was growing less and less noticeable as the darkness acquired the sky for the night. 

I walked through the ranks of people gathering under the partially open roof of the wooden building. String lights illuminated the room and ghastly yet cliché decorations were scattered throughout. I walked by like a cold wind, the people parted around me subconsciously, they were aware, they just didn’t know it, yet. I vowed to make them know. The crowd fueled my madness. I picked up napkins and threw them across the floor. The wind was blamed. 

I laid low as the night consumed all light left in the sky, even the moon was nowhere to be found. The dilapidated building filled up with people like maggots on a piece of meat. They seemed so happy, so blissfully unaware of my presence. “They will know” I uttered to myself over and over again.

I walked to the back of the room and solidified my hands so they could make contact with the other world. I slammed the door shut. Only those close could hear but again my actions were credited to the wind.

 I approached the web of cables that controlled the lights. Even as I approached the flickered. I reached out to touch them and there were a few scattered screams as the lights brightened and then shattered, raining glass on all below. Now only the flickering light of a single candle illuminated the large room.

The screams brought a smile to my face as it confirmed that they were all aware of my presence. Unlike the partygoers my vision thrived in the darkness, They huddled in small groups, they were afraid of what was there, they were afraid of me, but I did not care because they knew I was there. It felt so good to have my presence known, but I could not stop. I longed for more recognition.

Everyone flocked towards the candle like moths to a light. I too made my way over to it. I placed my almost human hands around the candle and willed them to remain solid. Gasps and cries spread as I picked the candle up from the table. The silent crowd parted as I walked towards the door, the candle in front of me. To them the candle was floating, but they all knew in the back of their mind  that someone, something was holding it. They did not know it was me, but they knew I was there. A malicious laugh escaped my lips, my dream had come true. 

As if a switch was flipped halfway through the crowd my form weakened as my power diminished, it was nearly midnight, the end of halloween. My hands lost their tie to the other world and the candle dropped through my fingers. It fell to the ground and set the age old rug aglow. The partygoers ran out of the room as the fire rose higher and higher. Tendrils of flames reached the open ceiling and it caught fire as well. The fire had engulfed the entire building. My form began to fade more and more until I was gone like a chill in the air.

I didn’t regain consciousness until the next February, when Halloween was close enough to give me a life force. Still I only appeared for a short while during the darkest part of the night. Every night that I was awakened by the darkness I would walk the path to the old church, which was now entirely burned to the ground. I did this because it reminded me that someone knew I was there. I knew that every person that made it out of the old building would never forget what transpired there, they would never forget me.