Letters to Jonathan

 15 November 1999

Dear future husband

I find that it's amazing that i get to address you so. I'm certain that some day we'll be bound together as one. I only want to mention that I’m thinking that we've met before. I know who you are maybe more than I should know. I’ve seen you in some place where there’s no return to. I’ve seen you in places that yesterday yields and tomorrow holds, places where my thoughts like to dwell at night, places where I can only wish I'd remain. Meeting you in person was beyond special. I knew it when I saw you that somehow the universe had brought us together. The very sight of you almost made me numb with excitement. I could hardly believe that I actually lived to see you. I’m still dazed even today and I still can't seem to get your name off my lips and off the tip of my pen. 

Jonathan.

Jonathan. 

I'm entirely sure that it is you I saw. Now that you've asked me to be yours, please tell me that I’m not dreaming again even though I know now that dreams do come to life.

Yours 

The girl still enchanted to have finally met you. 

18 November 1999

Dear Mr Perfect

Am I the only one feeling this way? I can tell that my heart is literally smiling from the way my lips are involuntarily curling upward. I’ve been caught a few times now and they’re starting to wonder what the Dickens I’m on about. Am I the only one feeling giddy like there’s a fire right beneath my feet and I just have to keep dancing? It almost feels like there's a flame right within me only beginning to warm me up and the ice about me keeps peeling off. Am I really the only one who didn’t want to go to bed last night just so we can talk? Your way of talking has caught me in ways I’d rather not admit. Your love for children and political passion are a bait I’ve taken quite simply. I’ve seen all I’ve wanted to, that you’re a safe place. What could possibly go wrong? The boy who'd go about the place with me making things right, I’m at a vain attempt to believe it’s not you. I’m hoping to see you again even when I know it’s only for a day. You’ve evoked a swarm of strange feelings within me and they seem to scream right out of my chest. I could be losing my very mind, thinking about how I’ve gotten to know you. It gives me the assurance that you're someone special so I’ve taken to writing about how I’ve put it all together in my mind, you’re my dreams come to life. I can barely wait for the day I see you again so please be there. I shan’t want to stand the disappointment when the day arrives and you're nowhere in sight.

Yours in mellow thought

The girl in whose heart you reside in.

 12 December 1999

Dear Sir ‘King-on-my-chessboard’

Most of what you say has had me smiling. I like talking to you but I'd rather not scare you off with my madness. When it comes to you everyone else can wait. I can see your being through the lenses of your word even when I don't get to see you often. I want to see you smile knowing that I’m all the reasons why. I want to know all there is to know about you but how will I know now since our visit to the orphanage is cancelled? I hope this isn’t the end of our plans.

Yours 

The girl getting anxious about meeting you.

27 December 1999

Dear future companion 

Today was a beautiful day; a sunny Sunday. I giggle as I write. The heat was almost unbearable but it was nothing I couldn’t take because somehow your presence made me content with everything else. I can’t have wanted to go home when everything was all so good. Playing with the children was one of the best things I did today, watching you do the things that I can't was even better. All things done today have been wonderful. If only we'd taken more photos so the memories of today don’t fade with time. I'd remember then how you can’t have looked any better today. Your eyes and everything else on your face including the subtle scar on your cheek were almost all I could see through the day. I liked being swept off my feet right into your arms like barely any effort was needed. I liked being looked at as though I was the only thing your eyes could see. I'm so glad you came and I look forward to seeing you again.

Yours 

The girl happy that you came. 

20 January 2000

Dear Sir ‘kleptomaniac-with-regards-to-my-heart.'

My heart beats almost insanely when I see you. I feel silly and I find that I forget the things that I shouldn't. I grin like an idiot and I can’t deny how excited I feel when you step into the room. I always have to find you, I just have to see you and I become a stranger to myself. How I wish our conversations lasted longer or that your hugs actually had more meaning. 

Yours 

The girl gracefully stolen by you.

11 March 2000

Dear Sir ‘Marks-on-my-mind.’

I think of you much too often. You're on my mind more than is appropriate but what else can a girl at seventeen really think of apart from the things that make her smile? I sort of dread having much to do with you now though and it’s beginning to dawn unto me that maybe you’re not the person I thought you were. I think you might not want anything to do with me and I doubt I’m ever on your mind the same way you’re on mine but I can only wish I’m wrong. What does it mean if you don't visit me anymore? I can only wish I knew. Amidst all my thoughts still, the thought of you still makes me smile. Somehow, thoughts of you are the only place that makes things seem lighter than they actually are. 

Yours

The girl confused by your actions.

4 July 2000

Jonathan 

Should I suffer in the name of the words you said? Should I have my heart and mind in constant torment for the sake of the feelings I felt and the things I thought? I wish someone would tell me I haven't wound up a little hinged. All the assurance that you're someone special has faded. I’ve grown weary of believing, sick of waiting and have had it of all my fondness towards you. The days were many but they sure were numbered and a time had to come whence the significance of your presence in my life would be tried and tested. I could have waited longer but the day of reckoning has come. I haven’t heard from you in a while and today I’ve decided to be sure of it that I shan’t hear of you, let alone from you. I never pictured an ending like this one. It feels like a slap in the face. Your differences caught me off-guard and my own beliefs were like chains wound about my reasoning. For a long time now I've loved you and all because I was crazy enough to consider a mere dream as something special. If I can forget you then I should but I shan’t for a long time. You were my hopes for a companion but my hopes were in vain. By this I officially bring to a halt all my writing to you and all that I’ve written will never reach you.

Yours

Molly.