The Toddler Whisperer

[NEWBIE entered Official Assistants of The Band Members (OATBAM) Chat]

Rules of the chat: What is said in this chat stays in this chat. Betrayers will be shot, I mean, will have to buy the rest of us shots. Owners of overly bad spelling and grammar will be shot… by the Grammar police. *smiling face emoji*

*see no evil monkey emoji* *hear no evil monkey emoji* *speak no evil monkey emoji*

Newbie: Hello?

[KAREMEHOME entered Official Assistants of The Band Members (OATBAM) Chat]

Karemehome: Hey newbie!

[MOSHIMOSHI entered Official Assistants of The Band Members (OATBAM) Chat]

Moshimoshi: Hi newbie.

[KIPSLIPS entered Official Assistants of The Band Members (OATBAM) Chat]

Kipslips: Welcome!

[SMOLISBIG entered Official Assistants of The Band Members (OATBAM) Chat]

Smolisbig: Karibu!

Newbie: *folded hands emoji* Thanks. So I need your help. What kind of Christmas gift should I get for my new boss? *loudly crying face emoji*

Kipslips: *rolling on the floor laughing emoji*

Karemehome: *face palm emoji*

Moshimoshi: *face with rolling eyes emoji*

Newbie: *confused face emoji*

Smolisbig: Whatever you get him, he’ll hate it.

Kipslips: And if you don’t get him a gift, he’ll hate you.

Karemehome: But only for a few minutes.*hourglass done emoji*

Moshimoshi: Because he forgives easily.

Kipslips: Like a child.

Moshimoshi: A manchild.

Karemehome: A tantrum-throwing toddler, truth be told.

Smolisbig: Especially when he’s around his family.

Newbie: I thought he was estranged from his family?

Karemehome is typing…

Kipslips: Us, his adopted family.

Karemehome: He calls his fellow band members and we, their assistants, his family.

Newbie: What happened with his real family?

Kipslips: We don’t know the details.

Smolisbig: All we know is that it ended with him being institutionalized.

Newbie: In prison?

Karemehome: No, in a mental hospital.

Moshimoshi: Twice.

Newbie: That explains… a lot.

Kipslips: Don’t let his crazy, childish ways fool you though.

Karemehome: He can be very astute.

Smolisbig: When he wants to be.

Newbie: I know. I’ve seen him on stage and with the fans.

Kipslips: He cares a lot about his work and the fans.

Karemehome: Maybe too much *loudly crying face emoji*

Moshimoshi: That’s his biggest weakness.

Newbie: I see. His work and his fans.

Kipslips: And the bass player, right @karemehome? *winking face with tongue emoji*

Karemehome: She is his first love. *woman shrugging: light skin tone emoji*

Newbie: So it’s safe to say that she is the one who knows him best?

Smolisbig: *thumbs up emoji*

Moshimoshi: We call her the Toddler Whisperer.

Newbie: *exploding head emoji* *astonished face emoji* *dizzy face emoji*

Kipslips: She can calm him down.

Smolisbig: She can influence him.

Karemehome: She can control him.

Moshimoshi: But only off stage.

Kipslips: On stage, he’s a wild animal.

Smolisbig: And the fans love it.

Moshimoshi: Even we love it.

Karemehome: We love him. *smiling face with smiling eyes and three hearts* *drooling face emoji* *hot face emoji*

Moshimoshi: *face with rolling eyes emoji* Don’t you mean YOU love him?

Karemehome: I will neither confirm nor deny those allegations. *face with hand over mouth emoji*

[KAREMEHOME changed name to DENIALISINEGYPT]

Newbie: *grinning squinting face emoji*

Moshimoshi: I think your boss would love the bass player as a gift. *winking face with tongue emoji*

Kipslips: *rolling on the floor laughing emoji*

Newbie: *confused look emoji* Don’t you mean a bass?

Moshimoshi: THE BASS PLAYER!

DenialisinEgypt: *face palm emoji* Never going to happen.

Kipslips: They have history and the bass player will not let history repeat itself.

Smolisbig: But she still cares for him.

Moshimoshi: Of course. That’s why she’s the Toddler Whisperer.

[NEWBIE changed name to TODDLERSASSISTANT]

Kipslips: *rolling on the floor laughing emoji*

Smolisbig: *thumbs up: medium skin tone emoji*

DenialisinEgypt: *face with tears of joy emoji*

Moshimoshi: *clapping hands: dark skin tone emoji*

Toddlersassistant is typing…

DenialisinEgypt: @toddlersassistant you’re going to fit in with us just fine.

Toddlersassistant: Seriously guys though, I need help. What should I get him? It’s my first Christmas as his assistant and I want to make a good impression. What do you think he needs the most?

Kipslips: Things that you can’t buy.

Smolisbig: Like love.

Moshimoshi: Patience.

DenialisinEgypt: Trust

Toddlersassistant: *thinking man emoji* Hmmm… I think I now know the perfect gift to get him. Thanks guys!

DenialisinEgypt: Glad we could help!

Kipslips: Hang in there. He can be a handful but he’s the most interesting and caring person I know.

Toddlersassistant: I’ll do my best. Bye for now!

DenialisinEgypt: Bye!

Smolisbig: *thumbs up: medium skin tone emoji*

[TODDLERSASSISTANT has left the chat.]

[DENIALISINEGYPT changed name to KAREMEHOME]

Karemehome: He seems nice.

Moshimoshi: Too nice.

Smolisbit: What do you mean too nice?

Moshimoshi: None of the other assistants ever wanted to get the Toddler a gift.

Kipslips: It’s just a gift. No harm can come from that.

Moshimoshi: We’ll see.

Karemehome: Be careful @moshimoshi or you will end up being exactly like your boss. *smiling face emoji*

Moshimoshi: There is nothing wrong with having a healthy amount of paranoia. *grinning face with big eyes*

Smolisbig: Who decides what the healthy amount is? *person shrugging emoji*

[NOTASPY entered TODDLERSASSISTANT PERSONAL CHAT]

NOTASPY: What’s with the weird name change? *smiling face emoji*

[TODDLERSASSISTANT changed name to NOTASPY2]

NOTASPY2: Better?

NOTASPY: Much better. Update?

NOTASPY2: Just got some Intel. Not sure if it will be helpful.

NOTASPY: Every little bit of info is helpful.

NOTASPY2: Potential weaknesses: his work and his fans.

NOTASPY: Good to know. We can work with that.

NOTASPY2: He’s been institutionalized. Mental institution. Twice.

NOTASPY: That’s gold! *red dress woman dancing emoji*

NOTASPY2: He has history with the bass player.

NOTASPY: Good. Get close to her. Use her to get to him.

NOTASPY2: On it.

NOTASPY: Take care of yourself.

NOTASPY2: I always do.

NOTASPY: And don’t get too attached.

NOTASPY2: I won’t.

NOTASPY2: Are you sure you won't get attached? Because once you start changing your name, it’s a slippery slope from there.

NOTASPY2: It’s just a name.

NOTASPY: We’ll see.

[NOTASPY left NOTASPY2 PERSONAL CHAT]

[NOTASPY2 changed name to TODDLERSASSISTANT]