Saving Hope

I felt my heartbeat. I could hear my own breath moving in and out. I figured that all the coolers must have shut off at the same time since the power was still on. Instinct told me something or someone was close to me. No one was in sight. I looked up and down the aisle. The weird smell inside the I.G.A. I had always thought was spoiled produce mixed with industrial cleaner and stale water in the mop bucket grew stronger then faded. Though they needed it, there was no one cleaning floors. Every box of macaroni was perfectly aligned, every slot for bread was filled. I looked to the end of the aisle and could see the dairy case full of milk, butter and cheeses all neatly spaced. Nothing was out of place. My senses peaked again making me think this was not normal. After all, I was standing in the only grocery store in town during a blizzard and the shelves were full. At least the bread and milk should have had been mostly wiped out. I guessed that the new guy they hired, a red headed, freckled faced kid must have OCD. It was close to closing time and he must be an extremely efficient stock boy. Then I noticed something else-all the sounds. There were none.

Replaying the minute I walked into the store in my mind, I tried to recall if anything had been unusual. I was relieved to be met by the lights reaching outside to the side walk hidden under the few inches of snow. When I had been able to raise my face up to feel the warm air meet me I was happy to relax my neck. I had spent my entire walk turning away from the wind and snowflakes that had stung when they hit my face. Being more attuned to myself and not observant to my surroundings was a habit my mother warned me about regularly. She would tell me all the time, “You have to start being more responsible. Pay attention!”. I was usually trying to work out things in my head. Things like how to keep doing stuff a 17 year old kid does while taking on adult responsibilities. The things that having no father around becomes necessary to do. Not just taking out the trash, but putting my little sister to bed while my mom was at her second job and finding time to change the oil. The tricky part of oil changing, I have found out is timing. I have school and practice nearly every day, mom has two jobs, she checks in on grandma once a day and if I ever get the chance to take the car when mom doesn’t need it I’d rather just ride around and maybe see a few friends. Well its hard to change oil when the car is always in moving. Any way, after I started thinking more about what I saw at the front of the store, the more things did not seem right.

Maddie, the cashier, was not behind her register and I never saw that new stock boy, the red headed kid. Only one car was parked under the single light in the parking lot. I think it was Maddie’s. I expected the store to be empty, there was a blizzard going on, but if the doors are unlocked then there is supposed to be at least two people inside working. The cheap speakers were not playing the distorted music from the local station. I never saw an employee. What I did see was a bank bag on the office counter, one of the big green cloth ones they put the deposit in to take it to the bank. Then there was what was probably Mr. Simms groceries. I know because of what was sitting there. Mrs. Simms is the only one in town that cooks with wine. I saw a bottle of the cheap stuff, some noodles, things to make a salad and ice cream. It was melted, looked like vanilla, and it was running down toward the stack of grocery bags. Guess that’s one of the things that I should have paid closer attention to instead thinking about what kind of pizza to buy. I got creeped out because I realized the store was empty; thought maybe they decided to close and forgot to lock the doors; then I heard the noise again. There’s only ten aisles. I was in a center one; seemed the sound came from my left so I decided to check out the next few rows to see what it was. In my head I thought it was probably the stock boy. I looked down the next one and nothing, the next one where the paper stuff was had a single roll of toilet paper laying in the middle of it and two large packages of paper towels. I wanted to just leave because I’d never been in there with it so quiet before and no one around. I kept having this feeling like someone was watching and like maybe something bad was about to happen. I was walking toward the place where the paper towels were thinking about just walking on past them and out the door but that was when one of the packages moved. I thought there had to be the biggest rat about to jump out from behind those towels. Then I heard her. 

Mom named her Hope. It was not the name my mom and my father had picked out before she was born. I remember them talking about it for days. It was supposed to be Katherine, after our grandmother, and they decided to call her Katie. They picked out the name about a month before Hope was born. The whole world changed after that. Dad left. My sister was born. I learned to change the oil and diapers. She was there on the floor between the packages of paper towels. I knew right away it was her. I had dressed her that afternoon before practice. The fuzzy ball on top of her hat tipped to the other side when she looked at me. The creeped out feeling got stronger. I thought I was not going to be able to get air into my lungs. A thousand thoughts, possibilities and fears jammed into my head. Heat built up from my middle meeting the tightness in my chest. I knew Hope was safest where she was. I somehow knew that’s why she had been put there. I smiled at her but never spoke. Pulled up her blanket where she had kicked it away. Found her pacifier down inside the seat, gave it to her, watched her eyelashes come down till I knew she was asleep.

Again a replay of the things in the front of the store stopped and started, stopped and started over and over like a reel in a old movie, a frame at a time in my head. I tried to consider all the scenarios that could have happened. Only Maddie’s car, the bank bag, melted ice cream, no music playing...The sound of the automatic door rolling open then shut scared me. I could see it from where I was a few steps away from Hope. No one caused it to open. Must have been wind, blowing snow or something. I had seen it happen before. I walked to the office counter. Put my hand on the bank bag and felt that it was empty. I looked into the tiny space that held the safe and a small desk from the other side of the counter. The light inside was off but the window over the desk let in enough light that it was easy to see the safe was open, the ledger had been dropped on the floor and the desk chair was laying on its side. The bottom desk drawer had been left open. Two purses had been stored inside. One had been opened and the things inside were thrown around. The store keys were hanging over one side of the purse and a hair comb stood up sticking above the zipper. I heard a drip behind me. Vanilla ice cream made its way to the edge of the cash register counter and had began dripping on the floor. I walked to the side of the store I had not been through yet. The smell was definitely stronger. Nothing seemed out of place. I kept listening for Hope. It felt good knowing she was sleeping. Beside the bananas was a cart holding bruised and moldy fruits. The stink made my stomach turn. I looked toward the back doors. The “Employees Only” sign was partly covered by the cleaning cart and the mop bucket. I was thinking of pushing it into the back of the store to at least get rid of one bad smell. That was when I saw movement through the little windows. The ones going into the back of the store almost line up perfectly with the one at the back door.

I wanted to check it out so I walked toward the doors looking forward to being on the other side of them and away from the stinking mop water. The swoosh sound of the doors had never been louder. If they made any sound before, the radio and customers moving around with squeaky carts and talking had drowned it out. I was telling myself there was some reasonable explanation for everything no matter how odd it seemed for Hope to be left alone in the paper goods aisle, and the creepy feeling was because the store was empty. It was obvious they had forgot to lock the front door while closing up early because of the storm. 

I’m not sure why, but the second after the swooshing sound and the swinging doors were closed the outside door opened. Cold and stinging wind hit me. I saw my mom’s car about 10 feet away from the back door and a person sitting in the passenger side. I could not see clearly enough to know who it was, just their back was to me and they were in a large coat. There was too much snow. It was swirling even faster in between the dumpsters and docks behind the store. It flew in a dozen directions lit up by the security lights like glitter in the dark. The wind gust in making the door fully open and slam against the wall. Through the doorway the person I could not make out reached down and started pulling something heavy from behind the dumpster. Then I could hear my mom scream my name and then something else I could not hear because the wind drowned it out. I tried to take in everything and understand. I saw a bit of her face as she tried to stand and the man’s knee came up hard hitting her in the back of the head. I tried to hear her and make out who the other person was that was dragging her by her arm toward the car wishing the whistling sound the wind was making would stop.

“Where is Hope?!” The sight of him getting close to my mother’s face and yelling brought the sick feeling back. Even though I could not really see him, through slurred words and the wind I knew who it was. Memories I thought were forgotten came back. I lost connection with reality thinking about how strange it was to shiver while my insides felt hot. I could feel my pulse all over my body and the blood flooding into my head. I wondered why I could not move or decide what to do. I stayed there looking through the blowing snow, feeling every cell in my body shake. Not from fear or cold, I think adrenaline must have been why. Muscles inside me felt like they were vibrating while my mind was frozen. I know things happened while I lost contact with my surroundings. I cannot remember them. I’m not sure how long it was. Could have been at least a minute. 

I heard the sound of flesh impacting the hood of the car. His body was between my mother and I so I could not see what he was doing. I thought how stupid of him to be hurting himself and denting up our only transportation. The second time I heard the sound it triggered muscles to be activated that had just felt like they were locked in place. I stepped through the door and then I could see my mothers face as it slammed against the car again. Melting ice was sticking in her hair and on her skin. The cold red metal reflected light where her face had made a hole in the snow on the hood. I saw blood fall onto it as he pulled her up by her hair getting ready to smash her against it again. When he propelled her downward the third time something fell out the pocket of the oversized camouflage jacket. I thought I knew what it could be. My mother had stopped yelling. She was not crying either. For a moment I thought she had given up. I’d seen her do it before. She would stop protecting herself when she saw me walk in the room. I know it was because she did not want me to see things even though I had heard them. This time I saw them too. I thought any second I would hear her say “Hope is behind the paper towels.” She did not say anything though. I took no time to consider what I was doing. I was only two steps away when he saw I was within reach of him. 

The door I needed to oil opened. A girl got out of the car. She was not dressed to be walking in a blizzard. It was surprising she never slipped down. Maybe it was because she was careful and never looked back. That is why I did not see her face. Just bare thighs, big black hair and black boots that came up over her knees. She and I took advantage of the opportunity dividing his attention in two opposite directions. She was disappearing in the storm while I bent down. His eyes flew in every direction. Untangling his fingers from my mothers hair took a few seconds. My face passed hers as I came back up with the cold metal in my hand. I saw her eyes flutter open then her body land softly in the snow. I was still feeling what I had grabbed without taking my eyes off him.

When he raised his arms I stopped moving up. It was like waiting for the ball to be hiked during a game. I thought he was going to reach down and hit or grab me. Instead his hands started moving wildly in the air.

“Bitches! All of you.” I saw his face look sad for a short second. Then he did reach for me. I kept my hands down so he could not see them. He pushed at me. I did not budge. 

“Move you bitch!”

“Leave.”

He laughed at me. Keeping my right hand down I stood on my feet. We were eye to eye. I saw him become unsteady but he recovered by reaching down and pulling my mother up. She was at least 70 pounds lighter and a foot shorter than him. He easily handled her weight guiding her up then he sat her on the hood. Her feet dangled. Sticky blood and hair was hiding the cuts on her head and face. She struggled to stay upright but stared into his eyes. With one hand he held her right arm squeezing so tight I could see veins in her arm begin to bulge. With his signature move when trying to intimidate her, he leaned in with his mouth close to her ear. Unbothered by the wet bloody hair his lips touched I saw the words he loudly whispered. Her head moved so little it was almost unnoticeable. Somehow he became harder looking. I saw muscles in his face twitch. His other hand tightened forming a fist. 

That’s when so many things happened at once. Crying came from the store. Knowing he heard it too I got ready to stop him. Maddie crawled from behind the dumpster. Mom told him “You can’t take her.” His arm came up and I got between him and her. I heard the crushing sound in my head. I fell down. Before I could get up he had punched her. She was throwing up on her hands and knees when I tried to stop him from kicking her. I saw his fist coming at my head again. Thats when I pulled the trigger. 

__________________________________________

Maddie and I were standing beside Mom’s hospital bed. The investigator came up to the door. I passed Hope over to Maddie and went into the hall.

“You probably saved all yall’s lives.” His heavy hand came down on my shoulder. He was looking directly at me with his sad looking brown eyes. The words never came out. Instead he put a card in my pocket. Looked in at Mom, then over at Hope sleeping in Maddie’s arms. 

“Call me if you need to talk again.” Then walked away with his wet uniform hat in his hands.