Both Sides of the Argument in Two Parts

Submitted into Contest #153 in response to: Write a story that includes the line “I can’t believe we’re arguing over this.”... view prompt

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Creative Nonfiction American Contemporary

Pig Fight



I can’t believe we’re arguing over this! Conventional wisdom usually dictates two arguments to support its age-old rationale regarding why one should never fight with a pig. The first reason proclaims that if you fight with a pig you’re going to get dirty. The second one decrees that the pig’s going to be the only one who really enjoys it. But I have a third reason which I’d love to share with you. Are you ready for it? Okay, here it is. For me, the most clearly sane line of logic is that you never want to fight a pig because those who observe you doing so will be doing so looking down upon you. I hope in sharing these insights that I haven’t been a boar (pun intended). Because although I’d hate to hog all of your time I still have a drift of daft ditties and thoughts I’d care to contribute for consideration on this subject. 


Within our virtual world, which is now comprised more and more with every passing day of virtual realities, I’ve discovered that the world’s vastest virtual pig farm is the social media platforms called Twitter and Facebook. Not every creature inhabiting the sties of these virtual barnyards named Facebook or Twitter is a pig. Like real barnyards, there are many different and diverse beings that inhabit the abundant acreage.


The social media pigs, in my humble opinion, are the ones that squander their time there posting incendiary political postulations. And the most boorish (now will you forgive me for that previously pointed out pun?) of the breed are the ones who repeatedly copy and paste links and articles from questionable sources that, coincidentally enough, align evenly with either their hard-right or hard-left myopic views. Left or right, those of us who don’t march in lockstep with their beliefs are stuck in the middle of—now how should I say this?—well, with pigs who want nothing more than to start a fight with you. Remember, that’s what a true pig enjoys and revels in; the fight.


I must confess that I’m frequently tempted to engage mano-a-mano in a debate with an occasional pig when I read some of the posts on the wall of my Twitter or Facebook homepages. Especially those when throwing around words and terms where they clearly lack the full understanding of their meanings. If I compiled a list of some of these misunderstood dog-whistle words meant to push your buttons, pull your trigger, and incite division, included would be: Marxist, communist, socialist, fascist, liberal, Nazi, rightwing (or rightie), and leftwing (or leftie). So what am I to do?


The answer is I take a deep breath, and then recite the three earlier cited reasons for why you should never fight with a pig. By the time I get to that third one about how you’ll only be looked down upon by observers, I’m ready to move on to the next comment on my Facebook homepage. Not fighting a pig is the only way to win while still staying clean and not providing the pig with the pleasure of bringing you down in the mud to their level. So beware of what you sow (the verb), sow (the noun). We’re hip to your tricks and know it’s almost always best to simply ignore the pigs trying to trip you up in their political pigpen on social media.


Searching For Something We Don’t Want To Find


We’re all looking for something, and oftentimes we even search for something we don’t really want to find. Usually when we look back at the way we’ve lived our lives we dredge up memories that may have been best left forgotten. I know I do. Is that something you do too, my introspective readers? Inadvertently torture and beat yourselves up with what you would’ve, could’ve, or should’ve done in your past? Haunt yourselves with all the real, and/or imagined, crimes you’ve committed? Those trespasses against others who may, or may not, have trespassed against you? Failed at being all you can be and something better than what you were? Me? Well, I’m guilty as charged, your honor.


What’s haunted me for several decades now is a reoccurring nightmare. The nightmare is always pretty much the same. In this dream, I return home to find the three cats I once had, all of whom died many years ago, in a sorry state. During my absence no one had cared, fed, or provided water for them. They’re gaunt and emaciated. Their eyes are full of confusion and reproach. The discovery is very upsetting and I then usually awake extremely distressed and filled with sorrow. Most times after wakening up from that nightmare I’m unable to return to sleep, so I lie awake tossing and turning until daybreak, riddled with regret.


I don’t need to search for the meaning of my nightmares about my former feline friends. I’ll leave the deeper interpretations for any Freudian or Jungian analysts who may be reading this story. I know what it means to me. The three cats are the embodiment of all of those whom I feel I’ve failed and neglected during the span of my lifetime. You know, my family, lovers, friends, colleagues, and of course, even past pets. All the ruptures in my many ruined relationships, the promises I wouldn’t keep, trust that I violated and couldn’t reciprocate, and often all the love I shouldn’t have so easily betrayed. I know exactly what it means.


That dream is my mind’s way of going back in time, petitioning for another chance to correct the many errors I made in my interactions with others. A way of compartmentalizing those feelings relating to the pain I feel I’m responsible for bestowing upon all I left capsized, swamped, and sinking in my wake. To rectify what is no longer redeemable or rectifiable because of the illogical laws which govern time and space. To grasp the brittle straw of a second shot and attempt to make amends for the million-and-one mistakes I’ve made. 


Yes, yes, yes… Yes, I know what it means. That once again, and yet again, I was simply searching for something I didn’t want to find. There are so many things in life we wish we could change. But while you can’t change the petrified past or alter the unforeseeable future, you can seize the opportunity afforded by the present to accept responsibility for your own behavior. But what do I know? Probably a lot less than I think I do. Some may say I’m talking trash now. And to them, I’d remind; this garbage truck departed that dump a long, long time ago. 




July 01, 2022 18:57

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43 comments

BA Eubank
23:15 Jul 11, 2022

Love this. Puts all the arguments on social media in perspective. How true what you wrote is. And the second half, how we all beat ourselves over regrets is spot on.

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Stevie B
23:37 Jul 11, 2022

Ba, thanks for reading, understanding, and especially commenting. I believe that for most we're our own favorite whipping boy. Who needs a judgement day when the majority of us spend our lives passing judgement upon ourselves?

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Katie Bengtson
15:21 Jul 10, 2022

This was very poignant! I enjoyed reading. Social media and its many pigs take so many forms. You did a wonderful job capturing the idea that social media politics is practically a joke! You made your entry not just a call to higher aims for the many Facebook pigs out there, but a personal note to all those who have regrets surface level and deep inside us. My story also includes a version of social media pigs, and if you would be willing I would love if you read it. I enjoyed your story!

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Stevie B
15:46 Jul 10, 2022

Katie, thank you for reading, enjoying, and commenting. I will certainly read you work and leave you a comment when I do.

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Tony Coppo
21:26 Jul 09, 2022

Honestly, i think this is a pure work of art. It flows and reads as a train of thought. I think you could have gone on for many more pages, and would have loved reading it. Thanks for sharing this! It's a pig's world.

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Stevie B
21:45 Jul 09, 2022

Tony, thank you for reading, enjoying, understanding, and commenting. Just felt the time was write to write an ode to those oinkers...

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Katy B
14:20 Jul 09, 2022

I love how many layers this piece has and how many places it takes you. It's not just a literal warning about pigs, or even just an allegory about social media - the second part of the story makes it deeply personal, human. Thank you for sharing!

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Stevie B
20:13 Jul 09, 2022

Katy, thank you for taking the time to read, enjoy, and comment. I try my best from my mind, heart, and spirit - and there are even times I believe I may have actually accomplished that.

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Wendy M
18:38 Jul 06, 2022

Inadvertently torture and beat yourselves up with what you would’ve, could’ve, or should’ve done in your past? You been reading my diaries? Lol. Excellent read.

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Stevie B
19:25 Jul 06, 2022

Wendy, of course I have and with every breath you take. Thanks for reading, enjoying, and commenting.

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Tommy Goround
15:54 Jul 06, 2022

I need to clap. The story has the passione' (heart) and the lovely puns. Let me try to give you a review for your submission to Art of Sound: "Stevie B takes us beyond Animal Farm, to a place where old men dream once more. He goes Biblical. He has the Springsteen candy of storytelling while keeping the cadence of a Rush Album. It's like watching Hendrix strum out the last note to anthem with a bloody finger. The vibration lingers."

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Stevie B
16:01 Jul 06, 2022

Tommy, wow - I'm humbled! If your review is accept, and if there's URL, then please forward so I may post it up on my blog: https://www.thestevieb.com/ Thank you ever so much for reading, enjoying, reviewing and commenting. It means the world to me!

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Michał Przywara
19:11 Jul 02, 2022

Hey Stevie, another good read :) Taken alone, each part makes a fine stand-alone micro story. The first is funnier, with an extremely relevant point about modern Internet usage. The second is more sombre and introspective. It's unlikely many people shared your exact experience, but the sentiment behind it is probably universally applicable. I suspect most of us spend our lives time-travelling -- we're either stuck endlessly going over past regrets, or we're paralyzed planning for countless futures which may or may not happen. Finding a way...

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Stevie B
20:24 Jul 05, 2022

Michal, I agree with you completely. Thank you for reading, enjoying and commenting!

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13:02 Jul 02, 2022

Stevie, you really got me with this one. At first I thought it was just going to be a comedy, but then you slid me into some GLORIOUS satire! You touch on so many real issues we deal with each day, and weave in a very pointed warning. Well done 👏👏👏

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Stevie B
13:16 Jul 02, 2022

Hannah, so happy you enjoyed these observations. Thank you for reading and commenting.

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Stevie B
19:01 Jul 01, 2022

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Pigs and cats and people to ponder.

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Sanchita Khan
17:28 Aug 14, 2022

Such a wonderful piece of art!

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Stevie B
01:00 Aug 15, 2022

Thank you for reading, enjoying, and commenting. In all honesty, it was just another little piece of my heart...

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Nat Mirotta
18:28 Aug 11, 2022

Very Clever!

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Stevie B
19:50 Aug 11, 2022

Very kind of you to say so!

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Jenny Blur
18:47 Jul 21, 2022

Love this line: That dream is my mind’s way of going back in time, petitioning for another chance

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Stevie B
22:07 Jul 21, 2022

It was inspired by a poem I once heard Jim Morrison of the Doors recite, "You cannot petition the Lord by prayer!"

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Philip Ebuluofor
19:52 Jul 20, 2022

Fine work Stevie.

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Stevie B
20:11 Jul 20, 2022

Thank you, Philip!

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Philip Ebuluofor
20:17 Jul 20, 2022

My pleasure.

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Stevie B
20:23 Jul 20, 2022

Likewise...

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Ren B
19:22 Jul 20, 2022

Very cool! Bravo!! I really enjoyed reading this. Personally, I left those farms long time ago 😂

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Stevie B
20:11 Jul 20, 2022

Ren, great that you read, enjoyed, and commented, thanks. Anyhow, how you gonna keep'em down on the farm once they've seen gay Parie?

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Ren B
20:24 Jul 20, 2022

Exactly!

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Stevie B
20:27 Jul 20, 2022

Yes.

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Andrea Doig
15:31 Jul 20, 2022

Wow what an interesting take on this recent prompt. A very interesting read and one everyone (most people) can identify with. Leave the trolling to the trolls I say! Stay away from the haters and the naysayers for sure. I hope your dreams of your old feline friends eventually go away and that you find solace in all the good and positives that I am sure you have done too. No yin without yang and all that. Nobody is perfect. We all just do our best x

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Stevie B
18:38 Jul 20, 2022

Andrea, thank you for reading, enjoying, and especially your insightful and kind words. Even if those dreams cease they'll always be something new taking its place to torture me - it's merely a matter of the foibles of being human, I imagine.

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19:46 Jul 17, 2022

Hi Stevie, yet another interesting thought piece from you. Your reflections on social media are bang on - I see this day after day - but I still keep logging in - even if I do (mostly) avoid the fights. I am also guilty of guilting myself and then feeling guilty about that - nasty little cycle. Though my pet related anxiety dreams are usually about rabbits locked in a shed - and weirdly, after weeks of neglect, when I finally go back to them they actually ok. What does that say about me??

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Stevie B
19:55 Jul 17, 2022

Thank you for your kind words and input. Regarding rabbits, I believe it says you're human.

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Betty Gilgoff
04:52 Jul 13, 2022

I thoroughly enjoyed this Stevie. So accurate as to the pigpen that so much of social media has become but you describe it so well, with just enough humour to make it palatable, to make the point. And the idea of searching for something we don't want to find, too true. I look forward to reading more of your work.

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Stevie B
12:10 Jul 13, 2022

Betty, thank you for reading, enjoying, and especially the kind words of your comment. Whereas anonymity offers the opportunity to do good below the radar of observation, sadly for most, it's where they feel safe in choosing to show the weaker sides of their character.

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Sarah Parker
18:12 Jul 12, 2022

Loved the story! Thanks for liking mine!

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Stevie B
18:59 Jul 12, 2022

Sarah, thank you & your story was well worth liking.

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Mike Panasitti
15:58 Jul 12, 2022

Stevie, I'll never lesson to Black Sabbath's "War Pigs" again without thinking of your take on the porcine species that plague social media. Great creative nonfiction.

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Stevie B
16:05 Jul 12, 2022

Mike, thanks for your support. Although Gertrude Stein may disagree, sometimes a pig is not a pig, a pig, a pig...

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06:25 Jul 10, 2022

"Searching for something we don't want to find" is a brilliant concept and clever connection between the two sections. There is so much self sabotage in our human instincts and behavior. A hundred storylines could be written. Great poetic writing. Perhaps "searching for someone who can change their mind" could be a cache phrase for social media, as I haven't found one yet in all the time I've squandered there!

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Stevie B
11:58 Jul 10, 2022

Scott, I totally agree. Thank you for reading, enjoying, and commenting. While the next revolution may not be broadcasted it will nonetheless be plainly viewable online...

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