The Christmas Dinner that made me realize...

Oh, Goodness. Finally, this day is over. Everyone went home with a smile on their face, and everything went well. But I wish today didn't happen the way it did.

Today was one Christmas... Why did daddy have to die?.. He was a young soul, too. Watching him lay on the floor, his eyes are blank. I'm sitting on the floor holding my knees to my face as the tears roll down my cheeks to my mouth. I can't stop replaying in my head how it all happened...

I was the first one to wake up today. I ran down up and down the stairs, into every hallway. Yelling from the top of my lungs in joy "IT'S CHRISTMAS! IT'S CHRISTMAS! EVERYONE UP, UP, UP!" I hear in return "CAROLINA, WE'RE UP!" I'm giggling and shrieking as I wait for everyone to thump down the hallways and staircases all the way down to the tree me and dad made all night. We chose the tallest tree in the market. Dad just came home from the Marine Corps to spend the holidays with us. So, everyone comes charging from every hallway in the house, sitting in front of the tree, as the adults pass out each of our gifts. Everyone was so pleased with joy, running around with their toys. Daddy gave me his last gift.. I gave him a big smile and kissed his cheek, then I opened it. It was a beautiful locket that wasn't from there. I felt the history behind the beautiful, silver locket with a red diamond. Inside of it is a picture of me, daddy, and mamá. I asked if he could put it on me. So, he did. I think of it now and I never thought.. those would be the last touches of my own father...

After that we go ice skating on this beautiful cold, snowy day in Detroit. Below 30 degrees, the cold breeze blowing through our faces and pin straight hair. The weather feels amazing. As I walk with dad, holding his hand along with mom's. We live right near the Grosse Pointe Ice Skating rink. It's so much fun. Going to the ice skating rink is our Christmas tradition for many years. We finally are there. All of us louder than anyone in the rink when we enter, we purchase our ice skates. I'm skating with my mom and primos. I see dad in the corner of my eye, sitting down and smiling at all of us. I skate over to where he's sitting. I ask him, "Daddy, Are you okay?" He nods at me and responds, "I'm okay, mi amor. I am just a little tired." I knew something was off. My father is 34 and never tired. He is the most energetic man I know.

I round everyone up so we can go get a few things from Presidente before we go home. We get the ham, marshmallows, yams, rice, black beans, just things for our traditional dinner. We arrive home and put everything away. It's 2:00 p.m. right now and we usually cook around 3:30 p.m. My family and I start watching novelas that usually come on Christmas and I don't see dad around. This one is his favorite. I go look for him and in the downstairs hallway, all I hear is *Cough, Cough*. I run to him because those coughs sounded like death. I run to the bathroom at the end of the hall. I take a glance and I watch him puking red into the toilet. I knock and enter the bathroom. I move him to the wall and check his pulse. It's lower than an average pulse. He obviously is up. Daddy smiles and touches my cheek so softly and tells me he's okay. Convincing him to go to the hospital, but the military in him refuses to stand down to being "weak".

It's finally time to cook dinner. The only people cooking is me, my titi, and my mamá. I'm working on the rice and beans. Mommy's working on the bread, cookies, etc. And titi is working on the vegetables and marshmallow yams. I keep watching dad as he sits on the couch watching TV. I'm awfully worried because every year when dad came home from the base, he always helped us cook, he was always playing Spanish Christmas music from Colombia. We always did a painting to hang up, we did so many joyous activies. Now.. he's just numb. I keep telling mamá about dad and his worrisome behavior. Mama keeps telling me "Daddy is just exhausted. Give him some time." But I knew he was not the same. I don't know not only because he seems sick, but I've never seen dad like this. I brush it off slightly, but go monitor him whenever I finish a dish. A few hours later, everything is done. The table is well made, just like how abuelita did it. The food smells just like how she made it. Everything feels like she's here.

Finally, the hardwork paid off. We are all together as a family. We say our prayers and begin to eat. Dad hasn't touched his food. I get up and try to feed him. He takes a slight bite. But doesn't eat anymore. I keep trying and trying to feed him. But dad won't budge.. We were laughing and screaming all joy till suddenly... in just a quick moment, his body collapsed on the floor with blood spilling out of his mouth. Everyone is screaming in pain and crying. I shouted at titi to call the ambulance as I check for any response or heartbeat. Nothing.. In that moment, I knew I should've told mom to take him to the hospital, the first time I checked him.. I keep wailing and screaming "DADDY! WAKE UP! I NEED YOU!"

The ambulance finally arrives after 30 minutes of calling.. I am filled with silent sadness and rage.. I am standing with my family crowded around daddy's corpse and the paramedics taking him. All I can hear is the sirens wailing.. that's all that echoes in my head along with the sight of his corpse. My mother and I start driving to the hospital behind the ambulance. We arrive at Beaumont Hospital and my mother and I rush behind the paramedics and into the emergency room we go.

After rushing in, we sit in the waiting rooms patiently. Two hours later, the doctors come in "Mrs. Sanchez." Mom and I get up to hear the doctor say "I'm sorry, Ma'am. Your husband passed away from an upper respiratory disease, it was blocking his airways causing his lungs to clog and the blood travel up into his airway. I have such a headache from crying, the pit of sadness lays on top of my heart. We have no choice but to go home. The hospital gave mom the will to the house that he left and told us they would pay for him to be cremated since he's been serving for many years. Mom and I thank the hospital kindly and take our leave home...

As we drive home, I see my mother in despair. I have never seen my mom so sad in my life. We both just stay quiet on the way home.

We arrive after the 20 minute drive. We bare the sad news to my family. The house filled of sadness you can literally feel without any touch. We hug each other and pray that his soul rests in peace. We couldn't eat anymore. The whole family sits in silence, until I break the silence saying "Remember the time dad tripped and fell on top of mom because was trying to surprise her with a kiss?" They start to giggle and mom smiles slightly with tears running down her face. The whole family laughs and breaks the silence of sadness.

As everyone speaks about daddy, I think to myself... even though everything happens for a reason, I wonder why this had to?.. This dinner made me realize, you can lose anyone at anytime. Enjoy the ones you love for as long as you can. You can't keep everyone forever. Only in your heart, you can keep them.

Everyone takes leftovers and walks out with a smile on their face. Today was a great day, but I wish daddy didn't die.. I love you, daddy. You will always be with me forever.