Things will be greener

Things will get better once I’m out of this school. I seriously can’t take it anymore. It feels like nobody understands me here, everybody is always judging me. She thinks too highly of herself, they say. She thinks she’s so intelligent and pretty. I am, though. But I have no friends. I would give it all away for some friends. I know I’ll have friends in college though. They’ll be smart just like me. I’m so much better than these kids in this school. They’re so focused on sports, so superficial. 

College will be a dream. I will learn so much from the professors and the readings and the other students will be happy to learn from me, from my intelligent remarks in class. The professors will be impressed. I will excel and I will be a people magnet with my charisma and intelligence. And my beauty, obviously. I’m extremely beautiful, the mirror and people’s reactions to me let me know everyday. I don’t get why the kids at this school don’t like me. Actually, I do know. It’s all jealousy and envy because on top of it all, I’m rich. It’s not my fault. My parents made me beautiful, intelligent and wealthy. It’s all their fault, not mine. I was born this way. 

    I can’t wait to get to college. To be with people like me, people who love learning and care about the truly important things in life. I will be popular since I’m so good at everything and my peers will recognize and search for greatness.

    At least the teachers at this school like me. They’re very fond of me, I can tell. After all, I’m one of the few who actually do homework. And I’m the only one who aces tests. I get the occasional eye-roll, I’ll grant that, but that’s just because I’m young and they’re old. It’s a generational conflict. 

    I can’t wait to get my acceptance letters. Everybody is so worried about the letters, about whether they’ll be accepted into their choice schools. I’m not worried. I know I’ll be accepted everywhere I applied to. I’ll be surprised if I don’t get offered a scholarship or two. Or three. 

    College will be so amazing! I can’t wait to make friends at college. They will see my true value, my worth.

…

    First day of college classes tomorrow! Orientation week was crazy. I’ve met a ton of people and I think I’ll be friends with a few. Some seem to be a little dull, too dense to be here. I guess a few always fall through the cracks. They didn’t seem to get my awesomeness at all. That was a little disappointing. Made me feel like I was in high school again.

    I mean, I was telling this girl about my plans for college. About which courses I’d take, about how I’d do really well and about how I’d graduate summa cum laude without much effort. She looked at me in this weird way, then pointed to a jet’s tracks in the sky and said: “Look! A shooting star! It’s your chance!” I tried to explain that it was just a jet, a little plane but she rolled her eyes and actually said I was stupid. I’m not the one who believes in shooting stars. 

…

    Today was my first day of classes. I wish I could say I’d learned more. It was just bureaucratic stuff in the large classes and introduce-yourself stuff in the smaller classes. In the large classes, I already knew everything. I read the syllabus beforehand. Why everybody else didn’t do the same I’ll never know. In one of the small classes, the professor cut me off, and actually said that’s enough. I hadn’t finished talking about myself! Crazy. I wonder if he’s a real professor, or just some doctoral student. I don’t understand why my first choice college didn’t accept me. I’d belong so much better there!

…

    Two weeks have gone by and I think my intelligence, beauty and privilege (none of which are my fault, might I add) are starting to get to people. I really thought things would be different here. Apparently envy and jealousy are a modern evil, present throughout all educational phases. Elementary school through college. People have always been envious of me. Oh, how I pity myself! Things will get better once I get into medical school. Yes, my dear diary, I have decided to go to med school! I think I’ll find true friends there, who truly value greatness and therefore admire me instead of envy me.

…

    My dear diary, college is nothing like I had expected. The students are mean and sarcastic, as are the professors. No one seems to like me. In fact, they seem rather disgusted by me, which blows my mind. Professors and students alike are not immune to eye-rolling, which is a rather infantile attitude, if you ask me. I’m so unhappy, the only thing keeping me sane is hope for my future peers and experiences in medical school. I can’t wait to be where I belong and with people who appreciate me!

…

I dropped out. I couldn’t handle it anymore. What got me through high school was the promise of friendship in college but college is exactly like high school, except people are meaner and even more envious. I think it’s because they’re closer to my greatness, but not quite there yet, which makes them crazy. Crazier than if they were far away from my greatness, like my high school peers. Oh, pity me! I got dealt a terrible deal in life. Too many great things lead to envy and a horrible experience in life! People really do throw rocks at things that shine! Metaphorical rocks, that is. Thankfully my physical integrity is unharmed. I fell for the college myth of intelligent people with their values in the right place. I wish I’d just stayed in high school. At least back then people didn’t rudely interrupt me and my hard work was valued. I’d never thought I’d say this, but I long for those days. I long for high school.