Secret Secret

“Can you keep a secret, Emma?” Jason asked me as we were sitting on the tail of his black Chevy pick-up truck.

      “Haven’t I proved to you before that I can?” I replied.

      Jason stared at me with his emerald green eyes contemplating the truth of what I’d just said. 

      “Nevermind. Now isn’t the time.” He scoffed. 

      Jason’s moods were like a roller coaster - fast, bumpy, and made me feel a little sick. I couldn’t understand why he felt like now wasn’t the time. Couldn’t he trust me to keep a secret? I’ve kept plenty of secrets for him since we were children. Growing up in our house, with parents who were more like angry roommates that couldn’t stand to be around each other, it was important to keep each other's secrets. It was much easier to not wake the bear that was our father or the banshee that was our mother. Secrets are what kept us safe. What kept us together - they were the glue that bound our relationship more than anything else that would normally bind a normal sibling relationship, and yet Jason didn’t feel that he could tell me what was going through his mind right now. Something must have happened when he was gone for the past two weeks. I still don’t know where he went and anytime I try to bring up the topic he evades me as if I’m the plague.

      Maybe our relationship was changing. Since we left our parents six months ago and began living in Jason’s truck I’d felt some strain in our relationship. I assumed that was merely related to the fact that we were together so often and with little to no privacy of our own. Maybe I misinterpreted that change and it was really something more? 

      “It’s okay Jason, you can tell me. Is everything okay?” I questioned.

      “Look, Emma, I can’t get into it right now.” 

      “Then why did you even bring it up? What was the point of asking me if I can keep a secret just to change your mind and leave me wondering if it’s something I did?” I spit at him.

      “I don’t know if it’s safe for you to know…” He whispered looking down at his hands.

      Not safe? What could he be up to that he would consider not safe? The two of us were the epitome of not safe, reckless. What could he know that wouldn’t be safe with me? I started to fidget restlessly and Jason looked up at me and gave a slight smile, lifting just one side of his mouth up in a smirk. This confused me. I couldn’t follow his thoughts or his mood right now and I had no idea what was going on. We sat on the back of the truck looking up at the stars, listening to the crickets chirp, and watching the lightning bugs flash in the night sky. It was a warm summer evening with just enough breeze to keep me cool. I wondered what could have happened in the past two weeks to make Jason act so differently when he came back to what we considered home. 

      The night went on as we sat in silence just staring into the universe. Eventually, I decided it was time for me to go to sleep and I got down off the bed of the truck, went to the cab, grabbed my blanket and pillow, and tossed it into the back of the pickup. Tonight I decided that I needed to sleep under the stars, get some fresh air, and try to clear my head. Things have been so jumbled up inside my brain for the past two weeks. With Jason gone I was left to fend for myself, something I haven’t really had to do in my seventeen years of life. Having Jason as my older brother, always there to support me and take care of me, it left little need for me to survive on my own for more than a few hours at a time. But when Jason left that morning out of nowhere as if he’d just disappeared into thin air I had to figure it out so that I wouldn’t have to go back home to the hell that was our parent’s house. I let my mind wander and think about all that has been happening since leaving our parent’s home as I drifted off to sleep.

“It’s time to get moving.” I heard Jason say as he nudged my shoulder to try and wake me up. 

      “What time is it?” I could see overhead that the sun was barely peeking up over the treetops. It must be early. 

      “A little before 6:30,” Jason told me. 

      “Why are we up so early? I thought we didn’t have anything planned today?” I questioned. 

      “It’s time to tell you that secret. But we can’t talk here. I really just need to show you.” 

      We rode in silence as Jason drove out of town towards the mountains. What could be in the mountains and why was Jason being so secretive? I started to fidget nervously and a bead of sweat ran down my forehead. I reached up to the center console and turned on the air. The heat in the summer here in Montana wasn’t normally this hot, I thought. Maybe my nerves were making me sweaty, though, not the heat. As we got further up into the mountains it felt cooler but didn’t make me sweat any less. I took three deep breaths holding each breath in as long as I could before my chest started to scream, in a feeble attempt to slow my heart rate and calm my nerves. We drove another fifteen minutes before the truck finally came to a stop in front of an old dilapidated shed. 

      “What’s this?” I asked, looking at Jason, pleading with my eyes to get some answers. 

      “The secret I’ve been keeping from you.” He said stoically. 

      Jason reached for the door handle and got out of the truck and took a few steps towards the shed and stopped. I knew he was waiting for me to get out but I couldn’t keep my hand still enough to grab the car door, I was shaking that much. I took one more deep breath, held it in, and grabbed for the door handle. I wasn’t sure why I was so nervous about this situation. I’d never had any reason to be fearful of a place that Jason took me but the way he was acting just seemed off. Normally he was all jokes but since he came back to me following his two-week-long disappearance, he was stern and emotionless. I followed Jason as he walked up to the door of the shed. 

      “Don’t look so nervous.” He said, trying to diffuse the tension he could sense in the air between us. 

      “How can I not? You haven’t really talked to me since you came back and anytime you have said something you’re cold and seem conflicted.”

      “That’s because I’ve been conflicted. When I left I didn’t even know if I should come back or if I could.” He admitted. 

      “What do you mean you didn’t know if you could or should come back? You’ve always got a place here with me. You’re my brother and nothing could ever change that.” I tried to reassure him. 

      “Okay well, what’s behind these doors might change your thoughts on that.” He warned me. 

      “What’s behind these doors? It’s an old shed. I can’t imagine there’s much in there.” I joked. 

      “Emma, please. This isn’t a joke. This is serious and I’m honestly worried about your reaction.” 

      “Alright, well then tell me what’s going on,” I said, showing him sympathy with my eyes. 

      I heard him whisper something to himself that sounded like this is it I guess before he opened the door to the shed. I looked around and blinked my eyes over and over hoping that they would stop playing tricks on me. Instead of the broken windows and splintering wood that I expected to see when the door opened I was shocked to see an updated interior with white walls decorated with what looked to me like strands of DNA looped through each other.

      “What is this place?” I asked Jason, barely able to keep myself from wandering around the small room.”

      “This is where I went for two weeks.”

      “You stayed in this little room for two weeks?” I questioned. 

      “Oh, this is only the entry room. There’s more.” He informed me.

      “Wow. But you never answered my question, what is this place? Why did you bring me here?” I asked.

      “This is headquarters.” He said, obviously dodging my second question. 

      “Headquarters?”

      “Let me preface this entire conversation that we’re about to have by saying that I didn’t know this place existed two weeks ago. But now that I do, I think this is where we need to be.” He said. “When I left two weeks ago, it was on a whim. I found a note left on the windshield of the truck when I woke up that morning. I read it and it only had this address written on it along with the words Come now. Don’t tell anyone. I was curious but I also didn’t want to leave you alone to fend for yourself. I decided that I should check it out, but I knew that if I told you, you wouldn’t want me to leave. You’d be too worried about my safety.” 

      “You’re not wrong,” I interjected. 

      “Well, it took me a while to get here since I didn’t have the truck. I walked the whole way and that in itself took me about three days. Once I got here an older man with brownish-grey hair was waiting for me outside. I was slightly terrified but I figured that since I’d made it this far I might as well see what the note was about.” He said. “The man introduced himself as Felix and told me that he was happy to see me. I was so confused by this comment because I didn’t know who had left the note. At that point, I could only assume it was Felix or someone he knew. He walked me inside and told me that he had to show me about my past.”

      “Your past? You have the same past as me. We grew up in the same house… What more could he tell you than what we already know?” I questioned, suddenly defensive. 

      “I thought the same thing but then he took me downstairs and showed me this orb type thing. It honestly looked like an oversized crystal ball. When I looked into it I saw our past, when we were younger, probably when we were 14 or so. We were sitting in the backyard of the house just talking. All of a sudden it jumped back in time more. We were 10 and it was our first day of school. You were so excited to be in fifth grade and you were trying to hold my hand getting on the bus because you wanted me to come to school with you. Obviously, I couldn’t because I was two grades higher than you but you didn’t care. Then I was looking at us when we were 6 and you were opening a present on Christmas morning. It was the gift I made you since mom and dad didn’t get either of us anything. It kept going further and further back showing me different memories of our childhood - all of the good memories.” 

      I was entranced in the story at this point. I had no idea where it was going but hearing about the things we did as kids, the happy memories we shared with each other, really made me feel happy and safe. It was like all of the stress of living in Jason’s car these past six months melted away and I could only think of and remember the good times we have had. It has been painful these last six months to think of our parents. While they were horrible to us, they were still family, and leaving them was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But Jason made the right call having us leave. It wasn’t safe for me there anymore. The longer I stayed the more damaged I would become and Jason couldn’t bear it in his soul to let me become any more damaged than I already am. Jason’s a good brother like that. He stayed in that house for more than a year than he needed to in order to help me get out. He was waiting until I turned seventeen so that I could legally leave home without being considered a runaway. He could have left when he turned seventeen a year and a half before I did but he chose not to because I was more important to him than his own freedom. 

      “So what happened after you saw all of our memories?” I asked him, puzzled by where this was going.

      “Well, Felix asked me what the first memory I remembered was,” Jason said. “The first thing that came to mind was when I was probably like four years old. Mom and dad were fighting and mom was holding you. She was screaming at dad and he looked like he was about to hit her so I ran into the room and grabbed you out of mom’s arms. She started screaming harder about who took you and then looked at me and her face went blank and confused. She blinked a few times and then went back to shouting at dad, leaving me to take care of you.” 

      “Yeah..?” I questioned.

      “Felix asked me if I thought that her reaction was odd. At first, I didn’t answer but the more I thought about it, the weirder that felt. Why would she stare at her son with a blank and confused expression? It didn’t make sense. So I told Felix that I was confused and showed me the truth.” Jason explained.

      “The truth?” 

      “The truth about my past. He said that it wasn’t all that it seemed to me.” Jason said. “Then he dropped the ball on me. He said that my parents aren’t really my parents.” I was quiet, waiting for him to continue. 

      “He told me that this place is a lab that genetically modifies and creates human helpers as they call them. These humans are created and placed in homes where other children need help and cannot take care of themselves. I’m your helper.” Jason said looking worried about my reaction.

      My mouth dropped open and I was at a loss for words. How could Jason not be my brother? He’s been there for me ever since I can remember and there has never been any doubt in my mind that he was genetically related to me. Did this news really change anything though? Maybe. He did say he wasn’t sure if he could or should come back to me. Was it out of fear of how I would react or something else?

      “Okay…” I said slowly. “What does this mean for us then?”

      “That’s why I wanted to bring you here. Felix said that once a helper achieves their purpose they are reset and sent to help someone else. But I told him that I couldn’t leave you yet. That you weren’t ready and neither was I. So he told me to bring you here. I’m not entirely sure why though.” Jason informed me at the same time a door in the floor lifted open and a tall gentleman with greying hair appeared wearing a navy blue suit. 

      “Emma, I presume?” The man asked. “I’m Felix. I want to get to the point because we don’t have much time. We are on a strict schedule and Jason’s determination has altered that a bit. Since Jason is unwilling to give up on you yet, I would like to extend an offer to both of you to come work at our headquarters assigning helpers to those in need.”

      I stood there perplexed by all of the information that I was hearing and still shocked at the news that Jason wasn’t really my brother. A part of me knew, though, that I could not give up my relationship with Jason so whatever I had to do to keep that was what I was going to do. In this situation, that meant taking this job.

      “Jason, are you okay with this?” I asked.

      “I don’t see any other options.” He admitted. 

      “Then let’s do it. I can’t lose you yet. You’re more to me than just a helper. You’re my brother.” 

      We followed Felix to the hole in the floor and followed him into our future.