Love Thyself before Others

Sensitive content within this story includes mentions of substance abuse, slight gore, and violence.

FRIDAY

Tianna Putter’s handle across all of her precious social media platforms was @tialettuceeater. In her heart Tia knew that He wanted her to commit her life to veganism and use her image to influence her lifestyle upon others. Such a simple concept had amassed her a great following whom she regularly exploited for profit. Even with all the money, she remained living in her parents’ basement—more cozy and less of a chance to be bothered by outsiders. 

Unfortunately, Tianna liked to put her candy up her nose which had begun to cause her left nostril to collapse. And so her protocol for official, postable, selfies was to careen a sculpting tool across the delicate image until it warped her into having the appearance of two fully erect, round nostrils. Other than that one minor hit to her ego Tianna Putter boasted a great beauty which she believed to be one-of-a-kind. In her free time, outside of social networking, Tia often researched plastic surgery. It would be a dream of hers to simply have a face like Mrs. Potato Head, one she could just rearrange to her liking, moldable like putty. 

 Despite her obvious insecurities she boasted that this minor flaw did not affect her self-esteem. Tia picked up from beside her the beautiful ornate, French, pearl hairbrush she had viciously scouted out in the depths of the winding, hell-scape of a well-known social E-commerce company to style her waist-length hair. The melodic vibration of her phone called her in and she snatched up the phone shaking on the table beside her. 

Your friend request to @maggiemunch has been accepted

Tia screamed in a perfectly obnoxious high-pitched tone, and stomped her feet upon the ground over and over, excitedly jumping around her room. Mags was a popular micro-influencer in vegan social circles. Her motto, which really spoke to Tia on so, so many different levels, was “save a cow, eat a cooter”; true poetry. Mags had never shown her face in all of her time on the internet, but recently had posted a rather cryptic and ominous video, unlike her usual upbeat, slightly sexual, yet always intimate vegan cooking content, insinuating that she soon would reveal herself, before making her account private. Tia had never followed her, even though she had dutifully devoted her nights to Maggie and her content, so her long fingers moved across the screen in a desperate search as she scoured the woman’s profile for any sort of photographic evidence that Mags was as beautiful as her voice and her ideology. 

“Whatever,” Tia scoffed as she tossed her phone atop a pillow on the floor below her desk. She pulled her bruised knees to her chest and turned on her camera to check her makeup. 

She ran the tip of her almond shaped nail over her nose and cringed at her damning appearance and suddenly she had a stomach turning craving. The moment the feeling hit, she reached for the pretty little red, tin mint case behind her computer and put her one good nostril to use and indulged herself in a buzz she could only describe as Holy.

Tia layered a number of filters to alter her appearance before live-streaming. Once connected she began to hee and haw for the consumption of others whom she did not know personally yet in return for her preaching they bestowed upon her gifts of monetary value. 

After ending her livestream, Tia began to check her socials again when her phone flashed from below her feet, catching her attention and reeling her towards its light like a beautiful siren. She reached for her phone and the screen excitedly lit up. A new notification.

“You’re actually joking!” 

@maggiemunch has sent you a DM request

Her excitement felt cosmic, it felt wrong; it emanated from her loins and drove her stomach upwards and her intestines slithered down and wrapped snugly around her ovaries, centralizing her excitement into a certain area. 

“I could vomit right now,” Her head jerked to the side and angled downwards as her eyes darted up and sideways. “Should I…” 

There was no time for a purge, she had to see what Mags had sent her. 

Hello babydoll, I feel I can trust you. Can I?

Tia hurriedly typed back, There is no other more trustworthy for He is on my side. 

Three dots quickly appeared. Mags seemed eager. Tia wondered what the faceless influencer wanted with her and she prayed that it was the same fate of which she regularly dreamt. 

Perf! I know who He is…

As her hands began to shake, Tia’s phone slipped from her weakening grip and landed with a thud upon the hardwood floor that echoed between each of her lowered ears. How could someone with a lower following count than her know Him but she did not? Her entire life had been indebted to Him, to His lessons, and yet she had not been blessed with this information. Tia picked up her phone to respond but when she slid back into the DM she was met with a new message from her online fantasy and suddenly, though blasphemous, she did not care about Him. 

There, in that delicate in-between, that void which separated digital from reality, was a perfect image. The naive woman reminded herself that it was because of His blessing, that she had received this photograph. The woman in the image had long, beautiful brunette hair, striking green eyes, and a nose sculpted by the god’s themselves, perfectly slopped with petite nostrils that closed tight above her defined cupid’s bow. Her cheekbones stood high above her jawline in as much dominance and her eyebrows hugged the curve of her almond shaped eyes. 

“Fuck…me.” Tia whispered slowly as she saved the image to her camera roll. It had come with a message, or perhaps a warning depending how Tia wanted to interpret it. Do not share. 

Tia tucked her knees up to her chest and rested her head against her leg as she darted to her recent photos album. Mags’ photo next to her own most recent selfie instilled in her a sort of sickly feeling but the separation of the screen had marred Tia’s perception of Maggie and despite the clear similarities between the two women, her attraction grew. 

TUESDAY 

Tiana Putter stood stout as a great wind whipped around her. The street was empty and the moon appeared prominent up in the sky. A brown brick townhome loomed over her and a chill tickled her pleasurably. 

“Ow! Damn…” The wind had caused her scarf to fly up and a stitch of yarn that had gotten loose over the years had lodged itself between the lids of her right eye and had begun canoodling her very delicate tissue. “Motherfucker!” She screamed as the whining howl of hinges grinding against each other drew her attention forward. Squinting she saw the shape of a beautiful, womanly figure, outlined in the glowing light emanating from behind her. 

“Tia is that you,” the woman called from the doorway, “Hurry, Tia! Come inside!”

“With pleasure,” Tia said as she wiped her eye and hurried up the stairs. 

Mags pulled Tia through the door and hugged her tight as they spun around giggling with an enthusiasm that reminded them of their youth. The door closed behind them and they both smiled from ear to ear, staring into each other’s eyes like looking into a mirror. Mags pushed Tia’s hair behind her ear and ran her a finger across Tianna’s nose. Tia turned her head away, only to be pulled back by Mags. 

“What happened?” Mags asked.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Tia said.

Mags smiled, determined to pay no more mind to the only thing distinguishing the two women. Maggie pulled Tia further down the hallway and positioned them in front of a large mirror hanging on the wall. 

“Look!” Mags exclaimed with glee. “You see that ish?”

Tia gazed upon the stunning mirrored image of the two women. Their posture was identical, even the part in their hair folded over in the exact same manner creating a voluminous bump that caused their brunette locks to frame their faces in the exact same way. They were more akin to twins than they were just coincidental doppelgängers. 

“What’s going on?” Tia asked.

“Isn’t it incredible?” 

“Have you known we looked so alike for a while?” 

“I only saw it when you requested to follow me,” Mags chuckled, “I thought perhaps someone had found a photo of me and I refused to be blackmailed but as I looked through your page I realized you were someone completely different…” Her face drooped low and a chill formed around them. Tia shifted nervously. “Then I found Him too.”

“How did you find Him?” 

“Oh my god girl, can you believe that He follows us both!” Mags laughed hard from her belly. “Isn’t it hilarious!”

“You’re saying He does know who I am? And He has followed me this whole damn time?” Tia squealed like a pig being chased by a child. 

“He is not as important as us though,” Mags grabbed Tia’s shoulders firmly and forcefully faced her so they would have to look directly at each other. “Don’t you see?” Mags ran her hands down Tia’s arms and took hold of her hands. 

“See what?” 

“He made us for each other,” Mags said, “We are soulmates.”

“Ahhh!” Tia jumped up and down with glee, and Mags promptly joined in. “Like mother-fucking twin flames bitch!” 

“I knew from the moment I saw you,” Mags leaned in close, “There was just something so…” They stared deeply into each other’s eyes. “Something just so irresistible.” 

“I’ve felt the same…for a long time,” Tia moved her hand away from Mags’ hand and ran it down her back. “even before I knew just how beautiful you were.”

“Back at ya babe,” Mags smiled. 

TUESDAY NIGHT

Before the night was over, the two women had succumbed to their lust, the sheets had been bloodied and Mags had a chunk missing from her nose, a strange attempt to make themselves indistinguishable that left Mags permanently disfigured. They had devoured each other, molding their forms and indulging in their animalistic urges. They lay together, breathlessly, in a lump, their parts so identical now that their form became unrecognizable enmeshed within each other. 

The door caved in and they clamored to bend their wrists against the bed to prop themselves up to gaze at their intruder. 

“Why the fuck does this keep happening?” Yelled the man in the doorframe.

“Huh?

“You goddamn clones! I can’t keep you women off of each other! What is the fucking deal with that?”

“Grow your ego, perv, and maybe you would get it,” said Mags.

“Yeah, nothing more natural than exploring your own body,” Tia chimed in whilst gesturing towards her partner.

“Do you even know who the fuck I am?” He screamed from his gut so loudly that the sound cracked as it passed his paper thin lips. 

“Might if you turn the light on,” Mags huffed, whilst shifting her hand to her hip.

The light sprung on, surprising the women as if they had not just spoken it into existence. Both of their figures were on full display bare like Eve in the garden, every stretch mark, indent, mole on their body exactly the same. With the light now on, the great presence before them weighed them down and forced them to their knees where they began to yelp and cry for mercy. A man so average that he could not be picked out of a lineup, with a bulbous nose, wide face, and white hair

“Praise be! It is true!” Tia rejoiced, using her core strength to propel her body up and down like a fan, her arms splayed out in the direction of the man woefully shaking his head. In the depths of her mind, He sprang forth, the memory of Him holding her up as she came to life, fully grown. “He has returned!” 

The sudden and violent, unnerving aura change in the room compelled Mags forward, dragging her knees, which felt weighed down by a thousand souls, across the ground with such force that the skin on her knees and calves began to peel back, flesh melting into the floorboards like butter on a hot pan. 

“Has our love disappointed you creator?” Mags searched for the light in the man’s brown eyes. 

“Ugh, no dear,” he said, exasperated by his never ending pursuits for perfection, as he reached his hand behind his waist.

Tia watched on in anticipation as the man pat Mags atop the head. His warm smile uplifted her spirits and she clasped her hands together as she begged for His love which came in the form of a hot barrel right between her eyes. The ring from the gun deafened Tia and she screamed in pain from the loss of a version of herself who she had come to know quite intimately slumped over on the floor. 

“We will just have to try again won’t we?” He turned his attention towards Tia and approached.

“Father, what are we?” Tia asked with her hands held out before her. 

“Clones you imbecile! Didn’t I already say that?” Their creator aimed his gun between Tianna Putter’s temples and straddled the trigger with his finger. 

WEDNESDAY 

Tianna woke up in a cold sweat, hyperventilating, and so delirious that the room spun around. Her hand filled itself with the plump fat on her chest as she attempted to steady her breathing. Thinking back to the nightmare she had just awoken from, she removed her hand from her chest and began to feel up her face. Each of her nostrils could be accounted for which brought her enough peace to traverse the carpeted floor to sit down at her desk. 

“My head is splitting,” she murmured as she scrolled down her socials, taking in an array of images, brightened and emboldened by filters, her finger flicking the scroll wheel on the mouse with such haste that the images became a wild amalgamation of colors.

She stared at her feed in an unyielding search for some confirmation of her own original existence only to be drawn in by similar aesthetics to her own. She reached out for her blue tin mint case and felt a sense of déjà vu. What if it had not been a dream but simply a different version of her life that had been trapped within her own mind. A notification drew her attention once more—Sarah Cliff has started following you—and her heart rate skyrocketed. Perhaps a social media break was in order as her horror turned to panic and she could not calm herself to think or behave in any rational manner. 

“No, no, no! Am I gonna like die? He’s so gonna get me!” Hurriedly she blocked the account. “Oh, oh, oh fuck! Is it too late? Am I dead already?” Tia pulled her knees close to her in a protective gesture then slunk down in her chair, hopelessly pondering the existential implications that had arisen from that sordid nightmare. But what if it hadn’t been a nightmare, just another version of herself that no longer existed.

With her tears marring her vision, Tia quickly dialed the only number she had ever memorized in her life—seriously, sometimes she would even stumble over her own phone number. “Mommy!” She sobbed into the phone. “Mommy, am I even real?”