Nothing

I feel nothing. I don't believe there is anyone who is experiencing something who can accurately describe what that is as to give those who do not have it access to that thing. What does it mean to feel that which is objective, but cannot be accessed through the subjective? What are us who do not have this feeling to do with such inadequate instructions on how to obtain it. When people say they feel peace, they usually say they have a sense of relief, feel at ease, are detached from worries in the world, serene despite what is going on around them. Can a person who is committing some evil be peaceful? I am certain all agree with me on this; that you cannot have peace when committing evil. Whatever that person's sensation, we would call it something different, but not peace. But this makes my point. This vehemently makes my point. Choose any descriptors--which are subjective--to ascertain what you mean when you say you are at peace. Any of these descriptors can be used by the evil person, who is committing an evil act, who is most certainly not experiencing what you are experiencing. My point is not to say you are not at peace. You may very well be. What I am saying is that you have no way of actually telling me what this is. I can no longer turn to you.

While in my yard the other day raking leaves I saw a worm. Grimy. Long. Juicy. Peaceful. How is it that you cannot tell me what peace is, but this worm can show me that I am at peace? It must be better to be shown. I will thus become one of you. Those who have it, but cannot explain it. For this reason I have decided to send those who search for peace out to the yard to rake. There it will be explained to you I say. I feel indignant for those who do not have the peace I have procured from this wise worm, just like you. I feel magnanimous with my new discovery. Yet it is wasted on those like me. Those who cannot obtain the peace I now have through this worm which I ensured them was the secret to peace are useless. I lose my peace. Yes, I lose it and must find the worm. These idiots do not understand something so simple. Rake the leaves. Find the worm. Have your peace. Show others. The formula is simple. But my peace is lost, again the more I see those unhelpful swards parading with their misery out and about through life. Take my counsel! Was I this frustrating to those who found their peace through speech? Surely I must have been. Oh, and how terrible it must be that they lost their peace because of me! How easy it is to lose that which is so sweet and wonderful. What use is it, that we all have arrived at this pillar, through different modalities, but no one can tell us what it is nor give us the guidance on how to obtain it. And why can I not stay peaceful? Why must it be the case that I lose my peace?

There must be better peace! Certainly that is the answer! The worm! Oh that dreaded worm, I must find you once again! Give me all the leaves to rake. All the yards! Every worm which has scoured the earth without my sight, allow me to lay my eyes on you just for a moment. Let it be so. This, this will be of great use for humanity. Imagine my peace, expanded. If I was more peaceful! If my peace was never lost. How much I could touch the hearts of those who lack what has been bestowed upon me; understanding. This worm holds the secret to the innards of my heart. Worm. If you can help me know the peace which is mine, let us show others that which is theirs. Can I be more peaceful worm? I still lose it. Can I always be peaceful worm? Is this too much to ask for? If so, why? If my question is irritating, maybe you have lost your peace. For peace begets patience and patience begets peace. You must answer my question. If I know that I am not perfectly peaceful, then why can't I have it? Why can't I be shown how to be perfectly peaceful?

What the hell is that thing looking at? What is that? Oh, the sun. Whatever this thing is, it has taken away my shade. Let me be. Let me be the worm. I am worm, son of worm, brother and sister of worm. I just want to rest. Let me be a worm. I do not know what you are, but you are not a worm. You are a non-worm! Oh, how splendid. A non-worm. Non-worm understand me clearly, you cannot be me. I am a worm and you are not. This is clear. Now go on, it is my desire that you no longer be near me, for I sense you want what you cannot have. You cannot have me, for I am not yours nor are you mine.

Maybe it is not peace which I seek. I do not know what I seek. Though I do not know what it is, I want it and more than anything. What is a man to do if he wants something he cannot have, but it is his to have. Glimpses. I only get glimpses of this. I could describe this for you here, but you would not understand and altogether you would misunderstand what I am referring to. Let me be clear, that this worm does not have my peace, nor do I have it, but it is inside of me. I do not deserve it. I know this, because I lose it. I cannot lose what I deserve. If I deserve something, it will be mine. That is how it works. A child may desire a toy, but what he deserves is some schooling. He will get what he deserves. I have not found it, nor is it something I think I can find, but it is something that I deserve. We deserve it, yes, this thing which I cannot speak of. Go and rake your leaves, you will not find it, but it may be with you.