A Best Friend's Farewell

It's been a while; I hope that this would end smoothly. I was just silent so as not to surprise my best friend. I don't want her to be sad. We've been together for almost six years, and it's difficult to say goodbye to her. She's furious, but at the same time, cute. I'm also afraid that I can't say goodbye to her, she might get angry with me. Finding the perfect timing is not an easy job. There are only three months left before I leave, and I think it's too long. I'm not procrastinating, though. I plan to tell her my farewell days before our graduation, and it might be good. I hope so. Or maybe now, I can speak to her.

I didn't finish this imagination of mine when my best friend arrived. She approached me with her charming smile that completes my morning. I differently feel something when she's beside me. There is something in her aura that always stunned me. I'm back to my senses when I noticed that she's waving her hands right in front of my face, trying to get my attention.

"Yeah. What?" I started.

"Are you okay? It seems like you are out of your mind today?" She replied.

"Seriously? Out of my mind?" I grumbled. She's teasing me again with my daydreams.

"Yeah. You hear me, right? So, stop that now." She replied with a smile. She's not that careful in her words. I don't know what comes into my mind that I tell her.

"Hey, Lady, I... I have... something to tell you." I stuttered.

"What is it?" She stares at me, waiting for my answer.

"Uhm... I just want to uhh... —" I did not finish my sentence when the teacher arrives. We all stand, and I keep silent while my best friend still annoys me about what I will tell.

"Never mind. I'll tell you later."

"Okay."

Well, she's okay with it. She's not mad, either. I will tell her if I have a chance — if I have. Now, I'll focus on what to do before graduation. It's already on my priority list: telling my girl best friend 'goodbye' for the first and last time. And, looking for the perfect timing is difficult.

For the whole class, I was just silent, which is unusual for me. Even my best friend is speechless, which is also uncommon for her. But I think it's okay. It's just normal for us who are graduating students — I hope so. During lunch, I met with my friends and have a chat with them.

"Well, guys, let's always meet here for the last months remaining. You know that not all of us will remain until college." Giles started.

"Especially you, Russ. You're the one who will be far from us." Erick stated. Well, they already know that I'm leaving. They are the first and the only guys who know that I'm departing. Even my closest best friend doesn't know this. I plan to tell her, but chances won't agree.

"Did you tell her?" asked John.

"Nope. Not yet. She might be shocked." I replied.

"What? Why would she be shocked? You're just friends, right?"

"She's just not my friend. She's my best friend, and I don't want to lose that label. She might be dismayed when I tell her, so I'll just find the perfect moment. Let me find it, don't be spoilers, okay?"

"Okay. Got it." They all agreed. We were talking about something when some girls arrived.

"Hi. What are you talking there?" asked one of the girls. 

"Just some boys talk." I said.

We talked about our plan for what to do after graduation. We'll go to the amusement park and have some fun before we separate.

***

It's time for the second attempt. I hope that this will be effective enough. I am sitting on the bench, waiting for my best friend to arrive. We used to sit here during weekends while looking at the people passing by. It's Saturday, so she's not busy. After a while, I saw her approaching the direction where I am.

"Hey!" I shouted. She then smiled, waved her hands, and seemed excited to see me. She hurriedly sits beside me, hugged my hand, and pressed my arms.

"Ouch! That hurts." I protested.

"Oh. Sorry. I just missed my best friend."

That words made me smile. I wonder how my best friend will miss me more when I left. I think she will cry. Haha. I'm overthinking again of the situation. She continues to lean on my shoulders while staring at the road. I broke the silence between the two of us.

"Lady, I have something to tell you." Finally, I did not stutter.

"Yeah, what is it?" She said, still looking at the road.

"I hope that you will not be disappointed after I will tell you this. We made a promise to keep over our lifetime. I'm afraid that I can't keep it anymore."

"What do you mean?" she asked, now looking at me.

"I will just be straightforward to you. Months from now, I —" Suddenly, the phone rang. It was hers. 

"Oh, sorry. Just wait for a while." At first, she was listening to the speaker on the phone. Then, her face change in emotions, as if shocked by what happened. She hurriedly ended the call and stand.

"Where are you going?" I was concerned by what she's acting. There might be an emergency.

"My father has a heart attack and was rush to the hospital. I need to go now."

"I'm going with you." I can't find the right words now. She's in trouble, and I was interrupted again. We went in haste to the hospital and went to his father.

***

Hours before the graduation ceremony and days before I leave. It's now beyond comprehension of what will happen next. And making memories was now bounded. Time marches on until it started to run. The problem of saying goodbye to my best friend was still ongoing. I don't have enough time remaining.

"Hey!" called the guy who came out from one of the compartments. I was in the restroom washing my face. I looked in the mirror to see who was talking. It's Erick.

"What now? This will be the last day that we can see each other." I said as if someone would die.

"I think you are not really concerned of that." He replied.

"What do you mean?"

"Did you tell her?"

"Who? My best friend? That's for me to finish."

"When do you plan to tell her? Are you really pursuing that? I heard you made a promise to each other."

"It might be late if I delay more. It's better that I will be the one to tell than anyone else."

"Bro, do you really love her that much?"

"Yes," I said without hesitation. "and I won't leave her even if I'm far away."

After this conversation, we directly go to the venue, and the ceremony started.

***

When the rite was over, we fulfill our agreement. We take a ride to the amusement park and have some fun. It would be the last moment that I saw them happy.

Erick accompanied me while others also go in pairs with their friends. Surprisingly, my best friend did not dare to invite me with her. She goes with her friend, Danica. During the whole time, I was enjoying it much, but there's this awkwardness when I met my best friend. It's like she's hiding something from me. When night comes, they already started to leave. One by one, they go and bid farewell. It might be a good time to tell my best friend since she did not yet want to go.

"Can we talk?" Jinx. That was a rare situation. And now, it's even eerie what's happening. I think she will tell me now the reason why she's acting like that. We walked then sit at the nearest bench. The silence broke out between the two of us. Now it is more uncomfortable. I can't anymore bear her gelid attitude, so I started the conversation.

"I have something to tell you." Jinx, again.

"Ladies first." I've been formal with her now.

"Erick is hitting on me." She said.

"So? Do I have something to do with that?"

"Are you not going to stop him?" She's acting weird already. Though she always was, this time, it's different. It's true.

"Why would I do that?"

"Then explain this to me." She gets her phone and played a recording. I can hear familiar voices from it. That's when I realize it was me and Erick talking hours before the ceremony. I did not expect that she will eavesdrop on us. She didn't know what's the real essence of our talk. She misunderstood it. It's ineffable to answer.

"You're speechless now. Russ, I thought we were friends. Why would you betray me? Why would you keep secret from me?"

"I really have something to tell you."

"What is it? You'll explain why you love me? Why do you love me more than a friend, huh? If that's the case, then —" I did not let her finish. I interrupted as she gets more emotional.

"I'm leaving!" I yelled at her. "I just want to say goodbye to you. I know that we promised to be together, always, no matter what. Please understand it."

She had no reply. She gazes at me with her sad face. After a while, I can see the glittering tears falling from her wet, sparkling eyes. Now I broke her. She burst into tears, letting out all the mixed emotion that bottled up deep inside her heart. The feeling of surprise, sadness, and deep agony made her feel weak.

"You said you would be loyal," she started after the long mute. "Why would you leave me? I want to accept that love of yours and, we'll be more than friends. Please don't leave me."

These words of her made me irresolute to pursue exile. I have no choice.

"It's not that I want to, but I have to."

It's late when I realized that tears fell out of my eyes. No matter how I tried to keep it, I don't have enough power now. She walked out without a word. I must give her some space to process everything. My bucket list is all checked after I finished the top priority. Still, it left me a scar that I will carry forever. The last attempt was a success and a failure. I hurt my friend for the first time. I have done something to her which I'm afraid I can do for the past six years.