Riding Shotgun

I’ve spent my life riding shotgun for my more popular friends. I was their plus one and sometimes their court jester or fool. They’d take me along for support or comic relief. At times I felt like a buffer in potentially tense situations. Friends invited me to their family dinners when there was potentially combustible situations. You would think that I’d grow up to be a diplomat, politician or hostage negotiator. Instead, I became a character actor, a co-star, a Hollywood plus one. My marriage followed the same trend. I found it strange that for years our date nights always included Suzy’s best friend, Mike. He was a good-looking doctor who never could meet the right woman, or so I thought. It turned out that Suzy was the right woman, and I was the plus one in my own marriage. It took years before I discovered their affair and filed for divorce.

It wasn’t supposed to be like that. I was the eldest and the brightest kid of two College professors. They said I was destined for greatness. I wasn’t the most attractive kid, but my dimples and smile endeared me to my family and their friends. At a young age, I’d perform little playlets and perform magic acts at family parties. I always managed to get a laugh. At school, I was a straight A student and class clown- a rare combination. Bullies gave me a pass because I made them laugh. Admittedly, my height may have scared them off too. I was six feet by age thirteen and by nineteen I was six foot seven. Looking back at my high school career, I was a backup forward on the basketball team and backup tight end on the football team. In a way, I continued my role as a plus one.

I never thought myself as anything but an independent star in my own right. I had the personality and brains and wasn’t bad looking but I lacked confidence. Sure, I could get laughs and entertain but that was a persona I had perfected. It hid my basic shyness and diffidence. Why I was so shy and lacked confidence was always a mystery to me. So, when I met Sam in high school, his friendship opened a whole new world to me. He was class president, captain of the football team and the most popular boy on campus. Above all, he was a risk taker and a party animal. I don’t want anyone to get the impression that Sam was a dumb jock or superficial. He and I competed for top marks and often shared an interest in philosophy and literature. We read Voltaire, Bocaccio, Buber and modern classics at an early age. Still, he had some things I didn’t- confidence and charisma especially with girls.

By age sixteen, he owned a car, and we would drive to parties together. Inevitably, he’d hook up with some girl and I’d be in the back seat as he drove her home. I’d be particularly uncomfortable while they made out in the front seat before saying goodbye. I began to ask Sam to drop me off at home first. His reluctance to do so made me wonder if he had some perverse underlying personality quirk. Still, I liked hanging out with Sam. Besides our mutual intellectual interests, we shared an early interest in girls, and both suffered from hormonal storms. Sam, however, pursued those interests while I just tagged along. Looking back, I benefitted by meeting girls and gaining confidence. Sam? He used me as both an emotional buffer and comic relief. I was always stuck with his newest girlfriend’s best friend. Some were nice but others made me cringe. Still, my buddy needed me to complete the foursome required by his newest romantic interest. In high school, I never dated unless it was arranged by Sam. My shyness was painful. Most girls just thought I was a snob. After all, I was the class clown and got top marks. How could I be shy?

Aa the years passed I thought I overcame my shyness and embraced my individualism. Success in college gave me confidence. I began meeting and dating some wonderful women. Sam went to a college back east and I attended Stanford. My new best friend was a computer nerd named Tom. He was already designing websites and had a popular podcast. I was studying literature and acting. Tom asked me to help produce and write material for his podcast. Of course, I was flattered and agreed after much cajoling. I had a busy schedule, but Tom was persuasive.

“Come on Dude, it will be fun! You can get some of your original material out there. Some Hollywood guy will discover you.”

“I don’t know Tom. Your podcast is mainly political satire. That’s not my forte. I’m not very political. I don’t even know who our senator or congress people are.”

“It’s comedy buddy. I’ve seen your writing and acting. You can do it. Just do a little research. Think about it. You can achieve all your dreams in one fell swoop- producer, director, writer and star. I’ll give you a free reign.”

“Let me think about it and do some research.”

Tom was right, it was the perfect opportunity to have my talents showcased. A presidential election was looming, and the candidates were easily parodied. One was a big buffoon, and the other was a classic school Marm. I could do this. My voice was just the right pitch to parody the buffoon.  A girl in my drama class was a woman of many voices and would be perfect for the school Marm. I knew the opportunity to star on several episodes of the podcast would be too hard for her to turn down. Besides, I was attracted to this woman. She was bright, vivacious, pretty and hilarious. I couldn’t wait to pitch the podcast to her. My creative juices began to churn.

*** 

It was October and the presidential elections were the next month. My satires or parodies were smash hits. Tom was pleased and Veronica or Ronnie was everything I thought she’d be. Not only was she a great voice actor, but she was also a talented co-writer. We were having fun. After each episode Tom, Ronnie and I would go out for a drink and sometimes dinner. I felt Ronnie and I had a connection. She was my soulmate. We pitched ideas to each other and wrote episodes for our weekly podcasts seamlessly together. There was a lot of nudging and laughing. It was going to be the perfect romance. I just hadn’t got up enough nerve to ask her out or tell her how I felt.

After the first podcast, I noticed that I was listed as the third writer and co-star but received no credit for producing or directing. I confronted Tom.

“Hey Tom, why are you listed as the only producer? Recently, you and Ronnie are listed as the directors. What is that all about? I have been helping you produce my episodes and have been the director from the start.”

“Relax Rex, baby, I am the producer of the podcast, so I get sole credit. Ronnie and I both help you direct your episodes. Not giving you credit must have been an oversight. I’ll fix it, okay? You’re doing a great job, keep it up.”

“Okay but I think I should get credit for producing my episodes. Also, I am the main writer. Why am I listed third?”

“Oh, come on Rex, are you that petty? Does it matter where you are on the list?”

“Considering that you’ve never written a word of any of my episodes, I don’t see how you can be given any credit as a writer.”

“Now you’re making me angry. Whose podcast, is it? You’re better than this pal.”

“I’m not sure I am but at least correct your oversights.”

I considered quitting the podcast then and there but there was Ronnie. I would make my play for her soon and maybe we would quit together. The only time I was alone with her was when we were writing. So, one late night, I decided I’d make the most of the opportunity. We were laughing at some scene we had just written, sitting at a table in the dorm common room.  She put her hand up to her mouth and I noticed a ring on her left hand for the first time.

“Wow, that’s some ring! I never noticed it before.”

“That’s because Tom just gave it to me last night. We are officially engaged.”

I was speechless but eventually managed to spit out: “Congrats, you’ll make a lovely couple.”

You’ll make a lovely couple? What was I thinking? Not only was I a sucker and a fool, I talked like one. I was always a chump and took a back seat to friends but this time I felt betrayed. It was time to go into therapy. I had the plus one syndrome.

Therapy never happened until after my marriage. I completed two more podcasts, graduated from Stanford and headed for Hollywood. I had achieved some sort of notoriety in the Palo Alto area for my acting in local theaters. Ironically, the podcasts had caught the attention of a well-known Hollywood director and his producer. They offered me a bit part in a Rom Com movie and potential for writing gigs in the future. My future looked bright. I would soon emerge from someone else’s shadow, or so I thought. After years of bit parts and being relegated to the status of junior writer, I was cast as the star in a major production. I could exorcise all my demons. No therapy would be needed, I would not be riding shotgun to anyone. However, there was one catch. I had a co-star. It was a buddy movie and unbeknownst to me, my costar was the next it guy in Hollywood. He was the hunk, and I was the tall, gangly, awkward sidekick. I was the comic relief. At the premier, I realized I was back in my role as a plus one. I couldn’t escape it and decided I had to embrace it. There were a lot of juicy roles for sidekicks and character actors in Hollywood and on Broadway. I made a career of it.

During one of my roles in a buddy movie, I met my future wife. Suzy was a college friend of one of my fellow actors. She was an entertainment lawyer and attended our first cast party. She immediately caught my eye. At first, I thought it was Ronnie, my first love; she was a dead ringer. I had to meet her, so I waited until she was alone and approached her. She had a glass of wine in her hand and was smiling. I tried coming up with the perfect line. I could write one easily but performing live was a different story.

“Hi, you look like you’re having a good time.” Okay, what an idiot, I blew it!

Suzy nodded and lost her smile. I figured I really blew it but her face registered recognition. Maybe it was Ronnie after all.

“You’re Rex Cummings. I’m a big fan.”

“Wow, it’s rare that anyone recognizes me or my work. You’re kind.”

“I represent a lot of character actors and admire their work. They are usually the backbone of most productions.”

I had died and gone to heaven. Someone who might appreciate me. We shared the same taste in books and movies and a love for the L.A. Lakers basketball team. It was meant to be. After a year of dating, we married, and I couldn’t have been happier. Except there was Mike. He was omnipresent. At first, I was happy Suzy shared her best friend with me. Mike was a great guy, smart and interesting. He encouraged and praised our relationship. He couldn’t seem to find one for himself. I even helped him navigate some of his most painful breakups. Suzy convinced me that bringing Mike along on our date nights would soothe his pain. It might even inspire him finally to find his own perfect relationship. Finally, when he seemed to be in a healthy relationship, we’d double date. It was almost as if Mike and Suzy were co-dependent. Suzy was happy and that was all that counted in my mind. I was a fool.

When Suzy dropped the bomb, I was devastated. She realized she’d always been in love with Mike and had been sleeping with him off and on for years. It was right in front of my eyes, and I had missed it. I had spent my life playing second fiddle to a cast of characters. I deserved better. It was time for a change. I found an apartment near the beach and took a sabbatical from acting. One of my friends suggested a therapist in Santa Monica named Brett. He specialized in personality disorders. I wasn’t sure that’s what I had but I decided it was worth a try.

Brett was the classic Californian, tanned, tall and laid back but he was sharp. After a few sessions, he zeroed in on my problem.

“Rex, you’re a talented, successful guy. Yet you don’t exude confidence or assert yourself. Your early shyness was just a symptom. Embrace who you are and all your gifts. Not everyone has to be the dominant star. It takes talent to be a character actor and only special people can succeed in the shadow of someone else.  That doesn’t mean you need to be unappreciated or certainly betrayed. Value yourself and find people who do the same. Find a woman who values herself and you. Pick projects that satisfy your need to be recognized. Then your life will be everything you want it to be. Go forth young man and prosper.

Yeah, that last part was corny, but he was right. I started concentrating on writing and became the lead writer on a few television series. I also found a co-writer who had no problem giving me equal billing on a few movie scripts. Then I met Sarah, a stand-up comedienne and actress. She reminded me that she had attended Stanford during my last few years there. She had minor roles in some of the local theater plays in which I had acted. I vaguely remembered her. There was something familiar about her. She had second billing at many of the local comedy venues and had supporting roles in some of the recent popular Rom-Coms. Yet she was happy with her success and life and didn’t aspire to stardom.  Most important, she seemed to really like me and value what I brought to her life.

After a year, we married and had two kids. We were equals in every way. We divided parental duties equally, mingled our bank accounts and celebrated each other’s successes. It was truly a marriage of equals. Our sons, Jess and Simon, grew into fine teenagers. I was proud of both of them. They seemed to have their own unique personalities and lives. However, I had to pause when Jess, the older brother, complained that Simon always wanted to accompany him on dates. Oh, oh!