Just a Cup of Tea

Coffee machine buzzing. Train on the tracks. Laughter, footsteps and a ringtone all hummed around the station in the morning chill. I stood quietly and watched it go by. Thirty minutes until my train.

Walking up to the coffee shop counter I looked to the uninterested woman behind it and hesitated before ordering. A child screeched in a pram as they were pushed by the door. I begged for the day to be over already.

“Americano…please,” I said to the woman who just seemed borderline annoyed by then. What was her problem?

I paid her and began to walk away when she calls to me.

“Sir! We have a promotion today for a small cup of our new tea blend. House special. Would you like to try?”

I sighed to myself before turning around and nodding. It was one of those days where I wanted everyone to leave me alone.

“I’ll bring your order right over.” She said.

I pulled out the chair by the window, the legs making an awful noise as they scraped across the floor, and plopped myself down at the table. The same day, every day. Same routine, same boring grey buildings. Men in suits and black coffees that don’t even taste good. Twenty minutes until my train.

I was observing the scenes and people when I froze. The barista placed the tray of drinks down and walked away. I turned my head slowly. One steaming cup shorter than the other sat unassumingly in a cardboard cup. But it wasn’t the size that caught my attention, nor the delicate decoration of autumn leaves printed on the front. No.

Peppermint.

The scent of peppermint tea. All at once I was no longer sitting in the shop, but in a small kitchen, miles away, watching a kettle brew.

There was pop music quietly playing in the background, but I wasn't listening because I was with her.

“Hayley, you know I hate tea!” I laughed while giving her a gentle shove.

“You know I hate tea!” She mocked in a high-pitched voice and turned around with a cheeky grin. I rolled my eyes.

“You” she pointed at my chest “hate everything before you’ve tried it, mister, give things a chance for a change.” She smirked and span around, picked up the tea then pushed it into my hands.

I had to admit I was grateful for the warmth, Hayley’s apartment had terrible heating.

She skipped to the kitchen table, jumped into the chair and motioned for me to do the same. I complied. Hayley had always been a force of nature. Everything she did, she did with such contagious enthusiasm it was hard to not get excited with her. That woman was always smiling.

I gave her a sceptical look and snorted at her childish scowl. Slowly I brought the cup to my lips and took a small sip. The smell of peppermint rose, and I closed my eyes to experience the taste. It was…disgusting.

I opened my eyes to see her peering at me with expectancy and I couldn’t help but erupt into laughter.

“This is what you wanted me to try that was so good? I’m sorry but…it’s um, not the best…” I said sheepishly through chuckles.

She feigned offence, dramatically opening her mouth and shaking her head, before snatching the tea into her own hands.

“I am personally shocked and insulted by this” she grinned again.

So, we sat there in that tiny little kitchen, full of far too many plants and disorganised dishes, many more times to come. Her, drinking her beloved peppermint tea, me, just happy to watch. To be there with her was worth a thousand nights on expensive dates, in fancy restaurants we didn’t really care about.

But just like that, I was back. Back in the coffee shop…on my own. The same chill was in the air, but there was no sweet laughter to make it warmer. I grabbed the cup in my hands and hastily took a swig almost burning the roof of my mouth as I did so. Looking into the green water I allowed myself a breathy laugh…it was still disgusting. I smiled to myself, realising I hadn’t smelt that tea since she had gone.

It had already been months since a tired driver had fallen asleep at the wheel and gone straight into the back of her car. Since she was pushed off the road and slammed into a tree, killing her instantly. Since the world got all that duller.

Hayley wouldn’t want me to be like this, feeling stuck day after day. The problem is when you have someone like her by your side all the monotonous days seem worth it, you have something to look forward to. Your future together, the holidays you’ll take, a gentle hug at the end of a long day.

I missed the way her fingernails would graze my skin; I could almost feel them pulling away from my hands and I wanted to beg her not to go…but she was already gone.

I didn’t let myself think about her much. But as I looked outside and saw the sun peeking behind the clouds, and I recognised that it had been there all along, I realised maybe I should. Maybe I finally wanted to. After all, it was such a waste of light. I had been touched by her light once, and no one could be again, so perhaps it was my time to stop living in the shadows.

I looked at my watch and realised I had five minutes until my train. I softly picked up the cup, sharing a smile with the barista as I left. I carried it with me to the platform, as if I was holding her in my hands. I didn’t drink, just took in the scent. As I took my seat and saw the fields whizzing by in the distance, I finally allowed myself to breathe a little. How strange are the little moments in which we finally find peace? I savoured the last of the heat leaving my hands, wishing her a goodbye. This time I was comforted by knowing she was only a cup away.