A Soul In The Stars

Glistening gems upon a velvet cloth; I had been promised a land of beauty in these skies. Yet when I stared up, I saw nothing but a mess of quickly scribbled scratches upon an already burnt piece of paper. Why were these stars so dead to me? 

I was not blind to a captivating image; I had felt that attraction towards the array of pale pink flowers my mother planted outside my window, and towards the many books by my bedside. The stars were more real than spilled ink on paper, and as natural as the flowers outside my bedroom window, and yet, I remained impartial to them. There had been no movement or engagement since the 10 minutes I had been outside - the scene was utterly unwelcoming. 

Wishing to settle my distress, I recalled being told that one may see their loved ones as a star after their death, and came to the conclusion that I simply had not yet faced a loss as great, so there was no one to greet me on this dull night. Temporarily comforted by this answer, I turned to a long slumber to clear my mind.

Waking again at dawn, I headed outside to greet my beloved - the rosy blossoms were always happy to see me. Trying to lose myself in their stunning imperfections, and the many guests they brought to my garden - bumblebees, butterflies, and admiring neighbors alike - I could not help but be dragged down by the results of the night before. I wondered if there was indeed no life in those stars, or if I was simply blind to it. 

The latter option was comforting but sad, and the former was far too horrifying. I prided myself on being an avid admirer of the universe, and to admit that any beauty may be lost on me, would be a terrible insult. Tortured by this thought, I resolved that I would look at the stars again that night, and every night, until one may shine on me, and finally reveal its disarming nature.

The night came, as it always does, but this time, with it came the beginning of a fateful courtship. My nights were now promised to the shy stars above, and I was not one to fall short on my promises. So night after night, I trekked outside, with Hope as my loyal companion, believing that perhaps finally the moment would come when I would be united with the life that hid behind that coy surface. But alas, this would not be much of a tale if that night came easily. 

It seemed that the stars wanted to test my sincerity before declaring me worthy to view the glory that they must be. And thus, I began to stay out later and later, growing restless as each night passed, as no amount of time seemed to be enough to earn their trust. As my restlessness grew, so did my stubbornness - I would hate to have wasted my nights seeking a treasure that was never mine. I began to camp out, sleeping only after dawn, to oversee the entirety of the stars’ activities, wishing to catch them revealing their gentle souls, even if by accident. 

But I found no such beauty, and as the time passed, I became blind to the beauty that had long since uncovered itself for me. Too tired in the mornings after a night of star-gazing, I would head straight to bed, with no thought for the blossoms that awaited my company. Without my care, they remained unwatered - the rain pouring down on them every now and then, but not as gentle as my adoring eyes or as frequent as my daily visits. I had left them heartbroken, and they began to wilt, crying for the friend they had lost and the world that would soon lose them.

Unfortunately, my mind had become filled with greed for the uncertain treasure among the stars, and had forgotten about my warmhearted companions. Instead, I chose to dedicate all my time to the hostile company of the cold entities in the sky, in the hopes that I may eventually weaken their defenses.

Although misplaced, my efforts were not without results, as what seemed like eons later, the moment I had been waiting for arrived. It caught me off guard, while I was lying in the parched brown grass staring up at the sky, eyes glazed from lack of colorful variety. All of a sudden, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a star wink. I felt almost weak with shock, straightened up, and rubbed my eyes, believing that my own mind must be playing tricks on me. The star continued to shimmer, this sparkle more brilliant than anything I had ever had the fortune of seeing before. Yet, something about it was unnerving. The glistening star seemed not kind and soulful, but almost malicious and taunting. Something was wrong. I felt lost as to why I felt this way - after all, I had accomplished my long-held goal and finally the world held no secrets. 

Suddenly, I became acutely aware of the dry grass underneath my finger tips, and it hit me: my beloved was dying. I ran to my bedroom window to visit my blossoms, hoping with all my heart that my suspicions may be proven wrong. My teary eyes were met with the sight of their wilting bodies lightly glowing in the moonlight. Barely breathing, their petals had darkened, revealing their devastated souls. I felt my soul getting crushed, realizing that lost in my own shallow search for beauty, I had nearly killed the beauty that had been by my side all along. I could not bear to lose these friends. 

In a moment of paradox, I decided  to do the exact opposite of all that I had worked so long for: no matter what happened, I would not let the stars shine. I resumed my regular visits to my adoring friends, nursing them back to health, providing them not only with my affection, but bringing them other companions as well, in the form of a full and colorful garden. I saw them spring again, their tears drying, and their kind smiles returning. They gave me their forgiveness by making their beautiful souls visible once again - a beauty that was completely kind and selfless, unlike the cruel gleam in the stars. 

Comforted by the image of my blossoms nursed back to health, I chose to visit the stars once again, for a final goodbye. Slightly scared of what I may find, I was greeted by a sky perhaps even more lifeless than it was to start with. The monotonous stars made me feel calm, and reminded me of the good that remained in my life. These stars may be dead to me, but this time, I hoped they would stay that way.