Caught in the Thick of It

The alarms sounded as two armed men jumped into the backseat of the silver Honda Accord.  Gunfire followed the alarms.  The driver named Dane Oberfell put the gas pedal to the floor as the car jolted away from the curb.   

“Hey cuz, what are you doing here?” Gordon Walsh said out of breath as he shoved the bag between us. “Dane, we’ve got to make it over the bridge before the cops do.” 

How did I get caught in the thick of it?  It’s a long story that I am somewhat reluctant to tell, but as we race down the main boulevard closing in on ninety miles an hour.  

“Hey Gordon, who’s the stiff?” The man wearing a ski mask asked as he put his pistol in his jacket pocket.

“He ain’t no stiff, Reggie, he’s my cousin Alton.” Gordon laughed as he opened the bag.  Inside the canvas bag were a lot of bills with pictures of dead presidents and other people on them. “Good haul, gents.”  

“The businesses deposit money around three. I've been casing this bank for weeks.  Just like clockwork, the local merchants come to make their deposits right at three.” Dane pulled up behind a slow moving van and honked the horn a couple of times. 

“Pull over, you idiot.” Reggie raged offering the slow moving driver a finger for emphasis.  

“Pull over now!” A voice on a bullhorn from a police cruiser a few cars back demanded. 

Reggie took the gun out of his jacket pocket and showed it to the policemen in the cruiser. 

“Easy Reg, we don’t want a manhunt.” Gordon shook his head. 

“We already knocked over a bank.” He was highly agitated and then he turned to me, “What say we hold your cousin hostage?”

“Reg,” He shook his head, “Reg, let’s not resort to drastic measures.” 

“I do what I got to do to get us the heck out of here.” He waved his gun in my face.

“I’m getting married.” I told Gordon at a barbeque two days ago.

“Congratulations, man.” He put his arm around my shoulders.  Gordon was a husky man with a winning smile and ruggedly handsome face.  He had been a collegian football star that featured a parade of attractive young women on his arm. There was just something special about Gordon Stoneman that always fascinated me. Call it A man-crush, Gordon was one of those guys people like to be around.

"Thanks man." I beamed.

"How's Aunt Selenia?" He asked.

"Mom? Going strong." I confirmed.

"Things must have been hard on her when your dad passed away.  I always looked up to Uncle Terry." He sighed before taking A gulp from his beer can.

Truth of the matter, dad was A crook right down  to the core.  He did just about everything that was illegal except murder.  Ponzi schemes were his favorite, but he was one of the most dedicated and prolific conmen there ever was on the east side of Brooklyn. His fatal flaw was playing one of the biggest bosses in the five boroughs. His body was still behind the  steering wheel of his Ford LTD riddled with bullet holes so you could have A Swiss cheese view of things.  I was in college in an attempt to distance myself from the rackets.  

He was big at telling me not to do as he did, but to walk the straight and narrow like his brother Marcus who was Gordon's father.  Uncle Marcus was A defense attorney who seemed to spend most of his time defending his brother from being sent up the river. Ironically, Melissa, his baby sister, was A NYC cop who, in the course of duty, had arrested her big brother on several occasions.  

Needless to say, family reunions were interesting. Aunt Mel would lecture dad about his latest scam as dad set out the potato chips and clam dip. Mom would be dumping bags of ice in the coolers as she made small talk with some of dad's shady business associates all wearing dark sunglasses.  There were times when these gatherings resembled the Corleone wedding scene in the Godfather. 

After dad was gone, the Stoneman family turned into A real family again with honest warm hearted relationships that one would be inclined to call "normal." 

Dawn and I met in college and we were A couple since. I was evasive when she asked questions about the absence of my father, but I am A poor liar with an even poorer memory.

"I thought your dad died in an automobile accident." She would say after I told her about his fatal heart attack. 

Mom seemed to thrive once he was gone.  She had A fancy garden put in with some of the money he left behind.  So in light, dad was far more beneficial to the family once he was gone than he ever was alive.  This thought makes me sad sometimes.  Actually, that is totally not true.

More gunfire is more intense now that Reggie has joined in. 

"Reg, don't be blasting just to reply to the cops." Gordon warned him. "We have to get to the Lincoln Tunnel without A dragnet. We must try to be less conspicuous."

"Just trying to keep us from getting blasted." He snapped back.

"Still, let's keep things as copesetic as we can." He put his hand on Reggie's shoulder. "I have A meeting later tonight that I'd like to be alive for.  Besides, if you shoot A bystander, things could get dicey.  Murder One can be A tough rap to beat."

"Sorry man, I guess in tight spots, I just lose my head." Reg returned his pistol to his jacket pocket.

I turned to look out the back window and it seemed as if the entire NYPD was following us.  A sinking feeling in my gut told me that this could very well be the end of me, Alton Stoneman. 

There are key moments in your life when your entire fate rests on which path you choose to travel.  I'm sorry, but Robert Frost was wrong about which path would be the best though, I must agree that this path has made all the difference. 

"Dawn, I am so lucky to have met you when I did." I said with my head in her lap as she read.  She was always reading.

"I am happy you feel that way." She said without taking her eyes off her book.

"We should go away this weekend." I said as she turned the page.

"Cant. I have to do A report for work." She sighed.

"You sure do A lot of extra work at home." I noted.

"I'm the junior member.  That's the way it works." She shook her head.

"A weekend in New England.  You love eating crab in Providence."

"True, but business is business." She turned another page.

"What if we don't have time after the wedding?"

"Why so?" She glanced down at me.

"Well, if you get pregnant." 

"Oh, that's not going to happen." She closed her book with A thump. This gesture was the extra exclamation point on her avowed statement. It was my clue that my silence was preferred.

Feeling like Odysseus after returning to Ithaca after twenty adventurous years at sea and feeling the restlessness of A tamer, more domestic life, I longed for something to get my blood pumping, something to make me feel alive again.  I must admit at times with Dawn, I felt like A potted plant content just to exist.  I wanted more.  I wanted to do something to prove I was still vital.  I must warn you that venturing into unexplored territory can be harrowing as I was soon to find out. Leaving the safety of the harbor can be quite traumatic.  Let my experience be A warning to you.

"We got over three hundred grand!" Gordon declared as we rode through the Lincoln Tunnel mostly thanks to Dane's skillful driving.  Dane apparently had lots of practice and experience behind the wheel.  Gordon told me he used to be A stock car race car driver until he got caught in A cheating scandal when his sponsor asked him to run another driver into A wall.  The accident killed the other driver and left Dane with A permanent limp.  

"That's great, boss." Dane smiled and nodded.

"I thought there was more." Reggie griped.

"Reg, buddy, quit being A wet blanket.  We were in and out, easy-peasy and no one got hurt.  Be happy for the success and quit seeing the dirt floating in the water." Gordon needed work on his philosophical view of things, but he did have A valid point, somewhat.

"What do you do?" I asked Gordon when we met for lunch A few weeks before.

"I am an entrepreneur." He said as he wiped his mouth with A napkin.

"What do you sell?" I asked, A bit intrigued.

"My services.  Mostly moving inventory of hard to stock items." He nodded.

"Sounds interesting." I meant the opposite.   

"I have room for another if you are interested in an opportunity that is wide open and exciting." He winked at me, "Remember when we were kids and we happened on that abandoned farm?"

"Yeah, we almost got caught by a couple of deputies who happened to drive by." I shook my head.

"Sure, sure, it was a close call, but the fact is, we didn't." He winked again.

"All I can remember was how hard my heart beat on my ribs.  I was never so scared." I put my hand on my chest.

"It was exciting.  It was thrilling." He sipped his soda.

"Too much so." I chuckled.

" Don't you miss it?"

"Not really." I shook my head.

“Where is your sense of adventure?” He slapped me on the shoulder.  It really stung, “You know what I think?” 

“Nope.” I shrugged.

“Domestic life has made you soft.” He laughed, but my shoulder still stung where he struck me. 

“I’ll bet if we did something exciting.  To get your blood flowing, Dawn would appreciate it.” 

“What?” 

“Women like men who are willing to take risks.” He threw a pine cone into the dense woods.

“No, they want a man who is dependable and loyal.” I pointed my finger at him.

Bah-oring.” He put his hand to his mouth to fake-yawn.  “Life is an adventure and you have to get right in the thick of it sometimes. My father told me a life half lived is half wasted.”

“I cannot believe you just said that.  That is so dumb.” I shook my head even harder.

“Is it?  Is it?” He raised his eyebrow. “You never thought that when we were growing up.”

“I have learned to be settled.” I folded my arms across my chest.  The lake loomed in front of us and the sun was making a spectacular curtain call across the calm waters.  

Dane cried out, clutched his chest and fell to the pavement with blood squirting between his fingers.

“Drat, they got Dane.” Gordon cried out as he squeezed off a couple more shots. 

I knelt by Dane’s side.  His broad face was pale and his voice was barely a whisper, “Friad I’m fading. Take my gun and get those sons of bitches who put me down.” 

His head lolled to the side and his eyes no longer could see even though they remained open.

“Great.” Gordon put his hand on Carotid Artery, “I’m afraid he’s gone.” 

“This can’t be happening.” I felt tears and snot running down my cheeks.

“I’m afraid it is, cuz.  We are in a tight spot.” Gordon’s expression was grave and somber.

“Why don’t we surrender?” I tugged at his arm.

“Have you ever been in prison?  Have you?” He pulled his arm free of my grip, “I have.  It stinks.  It stinks baaaddd.” 

“You know what stinks worse?  Getting our head blown off, that’s what.” I said as the police fired at us as we hid behind the car. 

“Do you want to go out for dinner?” I asked Dawn as she turned the page in her textbook on civil law practice.

“Can’t you see that I am studying for my final?” She hissed at me.

“I just thought-”

“Once I pass my final, I will have more time for such trivial things.” She did not even look at me.

Trivial things?  Had I become a trivial thing, too?  Was I fading into a beige background, a mere shadow of my former self? 

“Never mind.” I stood up and went into the kitchen.  She had no idea she had really hurt my feelings.  Sulking in the kitchen by myself was far more satisfying that sitting next to her on the couch as she totally ignored me.  I put both my hands on the kitchen counter. I might as well be invisible.  I needed to do something to prove that I was not a trivial thing. 

“What we do is illegal.” Gordon told me as we had coffee at Drake’s Cafe.

“I don’t think she’d even notice me if I did something outlandish.” I sipped my latte.

“What?  I’m sure she would.” Gordon laughed.

“Not until after she takes her final.” I sighed, “I am having second thoughts about this whole marriage thing.” 

“You seemed so happy when you told me.” He gave me a dubious look. 

“Yeah, but that was before I became trivial.” 

“She called you that?” Gordon’s expression changed to one of doubt.

“No, but she told me not to bother her with trivial matters.”

“What was trivial?” He tilted his head.

“I wanted to go out for dinner.” I threw up my hands.

“Sheez.  No good.” He shook his head, “You need to go on one of our runs.” He shrugged.

“What exactly is it you do?” I asked, tilting my head.

“Rob banks.” He answered as if I was supposed to know this.

“Are you kidding me?” I laughed.

“No cuz, I’m not kidding.” His expression had changed to a look of derision. 

“You want me to come with you?” 

“I do.” 

“Why?” 

“We are adrenaline junkies.  What a rush we get running into the bank in ski masks, pulling out our guns and demanding the clerks fill out sacks with Grants and Franklins.” He shrugged as if this was the only way things could be. 

“Why should I?” I bowed my head.

“Because you would no longer be trivial.” He laughed.

“We could get killed.” 

“Adrenaline rush.” He handed me a card, “Meet the boys at this warehouse next Tuesday afternoon.” 

It was crazy.  I half wanted to see if he was actually telling the truth or if he was full of shit.

As the police fired at us, I now came to the direct conclusion, Gordon Stoneman was not full of shit.

“I’m gonna make a run for it.” He lifted his hand from his shoulder and I saw he had been hit.

“My God Gord, you are bleeding.” I could not believe what I was seeing.

“Happens when you get hit by a bullet.” He gritted his teeth and took the bag of money. “Tell Reggie to meet me at our usual place.” 

He crouched behind our car and began to run, but he only made it a few steps before he did a dance like some crazy marionette and fell to the sidewalk still clutching the bag of money.

“Cover me kid, I’m going to get that bag.” Reggie announced as he stood up and made a run to grab the bag, but he too was hit several times in his futile attempt.

I was alone.  Reggie lay sprawled out next to my cousin and Dane lay dead next to my knee. 

More gunfire.  It was deafening. Without any throught to my safety, I threw up my hands and screamed out, “I surrender!”

“Cease fire!” I heard in reply.

“Had enough?” Replied a voice that was all too familiar to me.  As I slowly came to my feet, I saw Dawn walking toward me with a twisted smile on her face. “Did you really think this was real?”

“Wha-”

Dane sat up and laughed.  Reggie and Gordon were also chuckling as they both stood up.

“I arranged this whole thing.” Dawn explained.

“What for?” I was still in shock.

“Because I knew you weren’t happy with what we were going through.” She kissed me on the cheek. “I used to belong to this repertory company when I was younger.  I met your cousin Gordon and his other band of misfit players.  But I had to give it up in order to get my degree.” 

“A shame, love.” Gordon gallantly kissed her hand.

“I knew you needed some action,  Some excitement.” The policemen began to circle around us.

“All of you were a troupe of actors?” I was still trying to process this whole situation.  

“Yup.” Gordon put his arm around me, “Were we good?  Do we deserve an academy award?” 

“I totally believed this was all real.” I felt as if the wind had been from my sails. 

“I did this for you, love.” She kissed me again, “I knew you were bored with how things have been lately, but also to teach you that excitement is not always what it’s cracked up to be.  There are worse things in life than being bored.” 

Her wicked smile brought me back to reality and to the truth she had bestowed on me that being caught in the thick of it isn’t always the best place to be.