The New Girl

I died at the beginning of this year, it wasn’t painful, it was quick. I don’t really remember how I died, I just remember silence and darkness. The day I died I assumed I was sent to purgatory, I couldn’t didn’t see angels flying but I also didn’t feel myself burning in existential hell, instead I felt empty. The day after my death I met Rosa, a small 12 year old. She didn’t seem to understand any more than I did, but she explained that we were in what I have labeled the Limbo, walking around without purpose. I learned that I could go anywhere I wanted, watch over whoever I needed, and so I spent these past months travelling to places I hadn’t been able to while alive. I saw the Eiffel tower, and the leaning tower of pisa. I ran with the bulls and swam with sharks, but I still felt empty. 

“There’s nothing left to do.” I said to Rosa as we sat looking over the Toronto skyline. 

“Well don’t forget tomorrow’s the 31st” She spoke in Spanish but I was able to understand her. 

“So?” I swung my legs over the edge and my stomach twisted slightly despite the impossibility of falling. “Holidays come and go, it’s not like they feel the same anymore.” 

“Well it’s Halloween.” She said this as if something had changed 

“And? Another day, the same as all the rest, how will tomorrow be any different?” 

“Halloween is the one day a year we are able to interact with the world again, you know, make doors slam, turn the power off, steal kids candy.” she laid on her back gazing at the stars. I rose with excitement at this. 

“So you mean I can talk to my family again?” I stood on the ledge looking over at the lights. 

“No. That’s not what I mean.” She sighed as if this were obvious and I should understand “not with people, just with things.” I turned this over in my mind. Before my death I had lived with my Boyfriend. Madly in love, it tore me apart to see him mourn and so I refrained on checking up with him. 

“Maybe I’ll try to communicate with Danny, send him a sign that I’m doing well?” I posed this as a question asking for Rosa’s opinion. She just shrugged and flipped onto her stomach. “Lets see, I should try to track him down tonight, so I don’t waste any time tomorrow.” 

“Goodbye then.” and she disappeared. 

I closed my eyes and imagined I was back at our apartment, upon opening them I found myself at his doorstep. I usually refrained from peering into people’s private homes. Even if they couldn’t see me it felt like an invasion. Taking a step through, I surveyed the entrance. Not much had changed, the plants I usually filled the windows with were gone and the furniture had all been shifted to fit an extra chair. A pair of women’s shoes were at the doorway, which was weird because he had taken all of my stuff out a few months before. Moving down the hallway I heard him talking in the bedroom. Probably on the phone, so I waited outside until he finished. Surprisingly I heard a response, I poked my head in. Sitting under the covers with him was someone who looked about the same age as us, she had brown hair tied in a knot on top of her head, and held a book in her hand. Filled with rage I racked my mind to see if I could remember who she was, if I could have foreseen this. 

“Well tomorrow we’re going to Stacy's,” she said. Her voice was light and she spoke with an Australian accent “I don’t know if you wanted to swing by your brother’s first.” 

“Yeah that would be fine.” He pecked her on the cheek and turned the lamp out beside him.

“Goodnight Dan” She replied and set the book down on the stand. Dan? He hated being called Dan. Well she must not know very much about him, I justified. The entire night I paced back and forth in the room, trying to figure out what I should do. Would it be too obvious to cause chaos tonight? I didn’t want to seem like a jealous girlfriend. But that didn’t matter, I reasoned with myself, you’re dead. Glancing at the clock I noticed it was nearly midnight, and an idea struck just as the final minute did. I decided I would figure out who this new girl was. To protect for Danny of course, what if she were a serial killer? Or even worse? I stepped out of their bedroom and into the hallway again. 

Once I reached the kitchen I tentatively picked up some mail on the counter. Not used to this, I became shocked at how smooth the paper felt in my hand. Shifting through I found a phone bill addressed to Annette Roads. They must be living together if she’s getting mail sent here. Annette Roads. I tossed her name through my mind without finding an ending. I opened the cupboard and snorted at her Special K diet bars, and protein powder packets. Danny hated healthy food like this. I returned to the bedroom and quietly opened the walk-in closet. I shifted through the close, being able to see exceptionally well in the dark room, a perk to being dead I suppose. She seemed to have a horrible fashion sense, brightly colored pants hung on hangers with long patterned scarves folded next to them. I picked up the scarves and wrapped them in my hands. Without thinking I opened the window and tossed them out. 

The next morning Annette woke around 9 am. Danny was already awake, as I expected, and he had started cooking her breakfast. Odd, I didn’t remember him doing this for me, but of course I usually woke up before him. I watched him spoon the pancake batter onto the griddle, feeling a slight twinge of pain that it wasn’t for me. He handed her a plate and they chatted about their plans for the day. My mind was too busy to concentrate on what they were saying, I eyed her up, comparing our features. She’s taller than I was, and slightly thinner too, but her eyes were brown instead of blue, and her hair about shoulder length. Danny had always said, my blue eyes and long blonde hair were my best features. Nervously I lifted my hand, reached for her hair. I attempted to grab a chunk and pull, but my hand passed through like usual, that was probably for the best. 

“I have to go for an hour or so” She got up without taking her plate to the sink, “I’ll be back soon okay?” 

“Of course, I’ll finish some work here, and once you’re back we can get ready for Mitch’s party.” She nodded, grabbing her keys and taking a step out of the apartment. I twisted my fingers, should I follow? See what she’s really like? Yes, this would be interesting, the best choice to protect Danny, see what she’s really like. I ran after her, promising that I wouldn’t meddle. 

She led me towards a coffee shop. Stepping in it smelt like pumpkins and cinnamon, a usual smell for the fall. A man waved her over to his table, he had a laptop open and a notebook and pen just to the right of it. Sitting down, he handed her a cup of coffee. He was short, with almost a buzz cut and a crooked smile plastered across his face. 

“I got your usual.” He smiled at her with a wink. “The best for my best.” She laughed and relaxed in her chair. I jumped to the worse conclusion immediately, she was cheating on Danny. My mind ran spirals and created various narratives that seemed to all end in her killing him for his money. 

“I can’t stay long.” she said curtly, almost rudely. “You planned this very last minute.” 

“Oh it won’t take long.” He spoke extravagantly, almost exaggerating all his words. “I just have a few quick questions.” He set his phone on the table, recording their conversation and started to read from his computer. I glanced over skimming his notes. He had written a long list of surface level questions. What is life in Vancouver like, How are you liking the weather, go to winter apparel brand? This was an interview I concluded, but why was he interviewing her? “So tell me how you were scouted?” his smile widened and he drummed his fingers on his keyboard. 

“Well, I wasn’t scouted really-- I had to go to castings back home.” Annette hadn’t taken a sip of coffee yet, instead she ran her fingers around the rim. “I went to a lot of calls before I really got something that took off.” An actress? A model? I rolled my eyes. 

“So what made you decide to move to Canada? That’s a long way from Australia, and very different huh?” 

“Well my boyfriend, we met in March. He was working on research in Australia, begged me to come back with him. And well, here I am.” March? Three months after my death? This didn’t seem to add up, I knew that Danny cared more for me then that. How had he moved on so fast? It must be her, I concluded with myself. Twisting his feelings. Following them on the drive home I sat in between Danny and Annette, I watched the way he watched her, pretending it was still me. His crows eyes were more defined, cheeks slightly red from the cold. Without thinking I took a deep breath and grabbed the wheel. As the brakes squealed and I closed my eyes, imagining myself back onto the Toronto skyline, disappearing.