Bad Toys ®

There's a part where it's like totally yikes! Tread lightly.

"Is this the part where you get up in my face, detective?"

"You're a smart guy. You tell me. How's this gonna play out?"

"At least offer me a drink. We've been in this shithole for an hour."

The detective leaned back in his chair. Glaring at his suspect he knocked on the steel door.

"Get him a cold drink."

"A glass of leche por favor."

The detective tossed a pack of smokes. The other caught it with cat-like reflexes.

"Got matches?"

Detective Pikachu shot a tiny bolt of energy lighting the cigarette's tips.

"Cute trick. Why don't I see more of you? You used to be big back in the nineties."

Pikachu stroked his whiskers.

"I developed stage fright. My tail wouldn't get hard anymore and I had trouble pleasing my wife."

Puss smacked the table with his paw laughing it up. 

"You're a funny guy. Hilarious. That's not what I heard."

Pikachu grabbed a cigarette.

"I heard you short-circuited studio 69 and blew up thousands of dollars in equipment."

"That was Palpatine. Use the force, dew it… Did you like him in Star Trek?"

"There was a sex scandal too. The Olsen twins were going around telling people about a three-way. In the heat of the moment, one girl shoved a finger - "

"Those girls are delirious. They're coked-up all the time."

"Paparazzi said she was rushed to hospital with third-degree burns on her hand."

"They probably jacked off Charizard and got too close to his tail or something. These things tend to happen."

Puss rested a boot on the table and drank his milk. The cat licked his rhinarium (don’t Google that) satisfied.

“Look, detective, you and I are not so different after all.”

“Go on.”

“We both served our country. We did the jobs they were too afraid to do. The things said to be impossible.”

“So is that way you murdered an entire clan? Pickachu said sipping coffee.

“What clan?”

“It happened last month. Know anything about that?”

“I’ve read something in the papers. Why do you think I did it?”

“I saw the autopsy report: most if not all gang members had died from lacerations or internal bleeding. The wounds were inflicted by a piercing-thrusting weapon. Very old school.”

Puss brushed the dust off his little vest. 

“I’ve read your file. You're a parasite. Doesn’t matter who has to die as long as you get paid..”

“That’s such an ugly way to look at it, detective. I was the right man for the job. It didn’t matter all that much to me, it was never personal.”

Pikachu flicked the stub in one of the four glossy, grey walls. 

“My orders came from men in office.”

“You scorched an entire base in mere seconds.”

“I killed enemy soldiers. The same men that bombed our civilians kidnapped our citizens and beheaded them on vhs.”

“Why are you getting worked up over this? Do you have some kind of hero complex? You should see a therapist.”

Pikachu locked eyes with Puss. He opened a laptop and hit play. It took Puss in Boots two seconds of viewing before he jumped back, knocking the steel chair onto the floor. 

“What the fuck is this shit? Turn it off.”

The girl’s screams were unbearable. 

“Turn it off. I’m not fucking around.”

Puss closed his eyes but the savagery was engraved in his mind. He plugged his ears but to no effect. His hearing was sharp. 

“These two are a special breed. They’re enjoying themselves, unlike that child. Do you hear her mother begging in the background? She was chained to a radiator. At one point in the video, they let her breastfeed the baby to keep it alive as much as possible.”

Puss opened his eyes and put his paws by his side. He paused the video and sat down.

“What’s going on? Why are you showing me this?”

“The stuff they did… It took a long long time for that child to die. Look at me: I want those two’s hearts on my plate.”

Puss closed the laptop.

“What does this have to do with me?”

“These two work for the same guy who paid you to escort his drugs across the desert,” Pikachu said holding up a photo. “ You’ve done business together. He trusts you.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Check your latest action film. The fight scenes are a bit unrealistic if you ask me. Go ahead.”

Puss watched two videos where he slaughtered twenty or so men.

“Can I work that camera or what,” Pikachu said grinning.

Puss in Boots cut the eyes out with his claws and pushed the photo across the table.

“I’m guessing you don’t want to lock them up, right?”

“That’s right. His lair is a bunker inside a hill. It’s like an ant colony, my lightning won't travel all the way through. The place has multiple escape routes. We only get one shot at this.”

“We need more firepower. How many hostiles are we talking about?”

“A small army.”

Puss paced the tiny room.

“When do you wanna do this?”

“Tonight. You’ll flee the city if not done right away.”

The cat sighed.

“This won’t be easy. Can we place charges inside the bunker?”

Pikachu winked

“There’s a ventilation system throughout. I ran the simulation. You can fill up the place starting from the core. Work your way up through the route I've mapped."

"I'm gonna need some serious gear."

"Don't sweat it. Pick from that list whatever you need."

Puss was stunned.

"Can I get those drones and that suppressed assault rifle and is that the…"

"You know about ancient artifacts," Pikachu said, crossing his arms.

Puss in Boots scratched his chin.

"I do this, that video will cease to exist."

"And you'll be relocated to a place of your choosing. Somewhere warm and tropical?"

"You know it. And one more thing: whatever I find interesting in that compound I get to keep, no questions asked."