My Mind Ghost

 I wander sometimes, along paths not formed, realities not yet real – in my mind. It’s a journey of the real mixed with the unreal and a discovery of my own abilities, in a world already full of superhero's. However, for me, I think I have a ghost. I think it lives inside my mind.

 Suddenly I woke from a deep sleep and glanced at the phone for the time. Its early, I’m still tired. I can’t sleep any longer, I was welling up with anxiety and I had to be ready. Although at this point, I was not quite sure what it was that I had to be ready for.

 In my mind I was led along the close streets, I walked up and down them…nothing. Whatever it is that I’m supposed to see; was not close to me. It would take more energy to go further. I let my mind be led further along the road until I was out of town, I paused in the long grass and listened to the sounds. Now there were no paths to follow, just thick shrubby trees hitting my face. I could hear water. I could hear loud chatter. I cautiously crouched low as I approached the river bank. I saw him being beaten and I saw him fall into the water and not surface. I jumped with surprise. Beside me in bed a hand reached over and patted my head, and I fell back to sleep.

 I woke again after the sun had risen with the daily routine about to start. I shower first and then wake the kids for school. I love it being familiar and stable. The air is fresh, the sun bright, the leaves have returned to the trees after winter and it is a beautiful day. The anxious feeling is also still within me.

 At work my schedule is full, however, a client has insisted that he be allowed an appointment today and due to what I have seen this morning, I am also eager to know what is so important. I take a seat to hear the new schedule and as my computer reads it to me, my mind is led to the water edge. As I glance around I notice it is the same place I had been too this morning and I am in a wet suit entering the water “right now!” I remark with disgust…”oh c’mon, I’m pretty busy” but my mind is led under the water and I start swimming around. I can feel barbed wire, it stabs me numerous times. There is a lot of it. I swim to the side of it until it finishes. It looks like a series of rather new barbed wire cages with rocks inside.

 In my office I have apparently been staring at the fish tank for too long.” Are you ready to start now?” My secretary is staring right into my face as she waits for a confirmation. I think my secretary knows what to say to bring me back to the present, because when she says “did you hear it?” - straight away my mind ghost withdraws and I snap like an elastic band right back to my office. “hear what?” I say…”ohhhh you can hear me now, can you?” she says and walks away.

It was after lunch when my client turned up for his appointment. I insist on greeting important clients with a short hug, like you would a family member or close friend. He settled into his seat and I took mine behind the desk. As he talked I listened to the issues about stress at work, I suggested ways in which he could leave his work behind at the end of the day. And then I casually asked about his plans for the weekend. “Gotta pick up some barbed wire that I ordered” he said. I made some notes in my book and continued to question the barbed wire pick-up. “yes, lots of fencing to do” he said. “well, that’s a lot of work after work” I said. “I have boys coming for the weekend to help” he said. “Might be a good weekend to take them to the waterfall, haven’t been there for years…isn’t that what you keep telling me? Take time to take a break? Chat with people, connect” he said. “Indeed” I said. “you had better see me again before the weekend, just so we can debrief your week so you don’t take it home with you with such a busy weekend. And with that the appointment was over.

 Its very hard to pick the right alternative and move forward in this situation because I would now have to spend my week ensuring that every step of someone else’s plan was not going to work and if I didn’t take care of every detail, it would mean that I would allow the weekend to continue uninterrupted. It would be disastrous. 

 I went to the fencing store and checked on the wire. It had not turned up for some lost freight reason, put simply, meant I had to store a lot of barbed wire out of sight. I also engaged his mother to visit and take it from me, she is demanding. I had to close the waterfall site so that it was not accessible and have camera’s installed, now it will always remain under video surveillance. The road workers have to work all weekend along certain stretches of road. 

 With that my mind ghost allowed me to settle, I didn’t feel anxious, I wasn’t taken on walks and I didn’t have to swim the creek. I think it’s gone. So much for the superhero that gets a medal, my efforts are hopefully un-noticed. I think the best part is I get to go home to my family just as I left them that morning.

Last thing on the Friday, my client sat in his chair in front of my desk and he looked tired. He wasn’t feeling well, and nothing about his weekend was going to work out the way he had planned. I suggested he take a well-earned rest and recovery month out of town. I could write him a note for his work immediately. 

 Keeping the living…living, is my job.