And Then There Where the Stars Between Us

Authors note// hello everyone! my first author’s note! Just felt the need to address that there are a lot of borrowed quotes in this story, so I’ll be mentioning the magnificent writers below so you can check out their work. Enjoy!

Looking at the old couple in the choked up crowded coach of this part of the train, I picture us becoming like them. I did that before. I still do it now. I still believe she’s still with me, no matter the space between us. I had been so occupied with my thoughts; I hadn’t really let my environment sink in. I had on my 3-day-old hoodie with a pair of my most faded jeans. My socks were a weird gray and my Air Forces all creased up with dirt, giving them an alarming brown color. My headphones had been on since I sat on the torn leather seats, my sentimental playlist on repeat as I had woken up to her picture staring at me in the face that very day. I hadn’t noticed my old backpack now leaning towards a questionable stain on the wall, and how I had been clutching on to the germ-infested pole like my life depended on it since I got on. Someone had their backpack in my face and another holding their bratty toddler near my seat. The lady on my left had her handbag half on me and the guy by my right was fast asleep on my shoulder. It was an average weekend in NYC and of course the trains were the perfect highlight of this wonderfully terrible day. Yet all I could think about was her.

She wasn’t a constellation.

She was my galaxy.

She was my everything.

There are about 7.6 billion people in the earth and there was no one else for me but her. Her blue mesmerizing eyes, her soft ivory skin and her pink luscious lips were like no other to me. Her smile was my daily drug, which got me high on my hallucinations over her. Call me whipped, but I knew there was no other girl for me when I first got a glimpse of her. She’s the standard by which I’ll judge beauty for the rest of my life. I’ll measure every touch to her breath on my skin. Her name permanently carved on the surface of my racing heart. If I could, I would lie with her under the stars, until my heart burst.

Each star is a mirror reflecting the truth inside you. The truth behind our love was more than what we let the world see. We let people see us as the boy and girl next door that seemed to be just perfect for one another. Though we were torn on the insides. Even if the broken glasses on our skin tried to tear us apart repeatedly. Even though we faked smiles and told lies every time one of us got too deep. Regardless, we were perfect. I assumed there was no such thing as being fixed after so much damage, but she was my glue, piecing me back together until I dried and became whole.

After taking another deep breath in, sucking as much half clean air as possible and closed my eyes, my brain taking me to the front door of an old memory. I had approached her after 2 weeks of seeing her constantly at the library. That day my heart was almost out of my chest, my pits were getting wetter by the minute as the temperature rose with each step I took. Her favorite author was Philippa Gregory. I had frequently seen her look through the shelves just for that name for hours. She was relentless most times, but how could the universe do someone like her wrong? She would always leave with a smile on her face and the new book already open to the 30th page. That day she was about to leave when I walked up to her. Her eyes looked even better up close, her beautiful features showing more evidently than from behind the shelves and in between the books. Her natural curves were hardly showing through her pair of sweats and a baggy Arctic Monkeys shirt. She had an old hardcover book in her arm, her favorite author’s name written in gold. I remember asking her why she loved historical fiction so much. That day, I heard the perfect tune to all my melodies. Her laugh.

The handbag of the lady beside me was now poking at my side, making me even more uncomfortable than I initially was. I suddenly felt angry. I wanted to be with her. Why were we so far apart? She was killing me the moment she let go, and now even still the emptiness of my heart haunts me. And it sucks, because I want to kiss her. It’s infuriating how perfect it could be to kiss her right now, perched on a cannon on a pirate ship under the stars. That sounds like something off the pages of an adventure novel, but my life isn’t one of those stories. My story is a hurricane, and even with the last bits of myself I had left, I was on an overcrowded train while she was far, far away. I was in paradise before the clouds were disappearing rapidly, leaving the stars to die out as the night dried up. As I looked out of the train, it met me with darkness; It had been so long that night had fallen. The train unsurprisingly was still full, as several people seemed to have places to go this evening. I looked out again, and the night stared me in the face, amorphous, blind, infinite without frontiers.

I used to believe that the stars align so souls can find one another. Whether they are souls in love or souls in life remains to be seen. I am a diamond on the outside, and I would not break. Inside, though, I was already broken. I believed we shared the same sky. That we can always find each other in the same constellations. I met a lovely girl gazing at the stars and the stars who gazed back.

One thousand brilliant stars punched holes in my consciousness, pricking me with longing. I could stare at the stars for hours, their infinite number and depth pulling me into a part of myself that I ignored during the day. I was drowning again. I took another look outside the window but looked up. The stars were so many tonight. None like I usually saw. The surrounding grasslands were much greener and even in the train I could picture the songs of the crickets and the animals of the night. I smiled. It took me an hour to get to know her and a day to fall in love with her, but it would take my entire life to forget about her.

Quotes<3

 She wasn’t a constellation… Nitya Prakash

 Each star is a mirror reflecting the… Aberjhani

 I was a diamond on the outside, and I would not… Shaun David Hutchinson

 We will always share the same sky. We will always… Roshani Chokski.

 The clouds were disappearing rapidly… Andre Breton

 The night stared me in the face, amorphous… Stanislaw, Lem

 And it sucks because I want to kiss her. It’s infuriating… Emily Skrutskie.

 One thousand brilliant stars punched holes in my consciousness… Maggie Stiefvater

 p.s also courtesy of goodreads!