Refreshing

When I banged open the doors to Lucky’s Tavern, patrons side eyed me like I was carrying a scythe and a

black hooded robe. It got dead quiet. I let their gazes slide off me like rain off windowpanes.

“Someone run off on their tab?” I asked.

Cataloging the clientele, it seemed like the tooth fairy had visited this lot as often as her own children,

but each time they’d given her lip that she’d repaid in kind with the ugly stick. I’d never seen so many

missing teeth and broken noses scattered across the tables.

A sign I was probably in the right place.

“Shit, its Rob.” That was my ol’ buddy Sneaky Pete behind the counter.

Pete had the complexion and charm of a melted sulfur candle and all the intelligence of one, too.

Whispers around me suggested the hope I’d meet a similar end like the dozen belly-up bugs on the bar

room floor. Guys I never met. Guys I knew turned away like the answers of the universe were written on

those grimy walls behind me.

Rob the Roach. Best get to business before all their empty flattery went to my head.

“Hey, Pete,” I said, grinning. “Sure looks busy here.”

“What do you want, Rob?” Pete griped without looking up from the dirty glass he’d been smearing

grease since before I sauntered in.

I planted my butt in a deflated barstool. “Can’t I just swing by just to say hi to a buddy of mine?”

Pete’s glass looked like it would crack in his hand if he scrubbed at it any harder. Probably imagining it

was me.

“Hey Rob!” Gus stood halfway up and waving enthusiastically from his booth.

I had to duck my head to hide a grimace.

Gus Stuferson was a short, red headed, gangly youth who made me feel old just by breathing near him.

Kid didn’t have a mean bone in his body. Problem was he frequently forgot how to spell his own name

and most folk in his company didn’t care to stay long to learn it anyway.

I strolled over toward the kid, hoping I’d find my mark before I got to the other side of the bar.

At least he was a friendly face. Falling opposite him I asked, “Whatcha got there?” I nodded my chin

towards his drink.

The dim light glinted off all the spots the kid had speckled across his face. “Oh its,” he paused, glancing

back down between his hands, “it’s a Sherry’s Surprise.”

I nodded while scanning the crowd as pointed ears tucked into cowls to avoid my gaze.

“You working a case, Rob?” Gus gushed. ”Staying fit?”

I sighed. If I had my way I’d be at home still in bed with a gorgeous brunette. Good times don’t pay the

bills. Maybe I could change careers to Dependapotamus.

I eyeballed Gus’s virgin syrup filled red concoction with blatant disgust and flagged down the only

waitress.

Gus chattered along not even noticing.

The sneer I got when she stopped by ten minutes later led me to think she may have been part troll. Or

it may just be the special look everyone seems to give me when I come around.

“What do you want,” she spat, “… sir.” The last word seemed to give her actual pain on the way out.

Nice to know I have fans.

“I’d like a pint of the house special.”

A grin formed on her face. I became alarmed as those canines peaked out perkier than her bosom.

“Candy’s Apples?” She quirked.

I gagged.

“Ale?” I croaked out hopefully

A mocking grin was my reply.

“How about a cold one?” My stomach sank faster than the winter sun.

“Cold water?” The female demoness disguised as a troll barmaid asked me.

There was no booze here.

I let my head drop onto my hands so as not to touch the booth. Who knows how long since soap had

seen it.

A bar that didn’t serve the nectar of the gods. Not a drop of Firewater. Where was I going to find the

liquid fortitude to keep pretending to listen Gus while I staked out this hole?

“You alright there, Mr. Rob?” The nuisance asked. He must have sensed the miasma of my mood.

I lifted my head just to send a bleary eye at him.

“Fine.”

The demoness employed here had given up on me ordering anything and sauntered off with a huff.

“What kind of place doesn’t even serve beer,” I grumbled into the crook of my arm.

“Refreshments! Lucky’s is a sanctuary to those who want to be refreshed!” Sneaky Pete piped up from

across the bar.

Guess I wasn’t as quiet as I thought.

Sounded more like an advertising front to drive any actual business anyway to launder shadier things.

That’s why I was here after all.

It was the perfect place. I glanced around at the various beleaguered patrons in the even bleaker looking

oak room bar.

I’d been tipped off that Friendly Frank liked to hide out here. His over-friendliness with the ladies had

gotten him in trouble with the missus which is where I came in.

Mrs. Frank had offered a fat purse to find out who her philandering husband was spending time with.

I had turned her down at first. Domestic issues are always messy. Then she gave a slow smile and pulled

out a second purse from somewhere I hadn’t seen when she walked into my office.

So that’s why I was here. Waiting. Listening to Gus yabber on something about droughts effecting wheat

in the south or that it was about witches wanting more meat. I wasn’t really paying attention.

After half an hour even Sherry’s Surprise didn’t sound too awful to my parched throat.

Just as I was about to cave I glimpsed a man in grey Falk’s clothes with his head down and a female with

fantastic… everything walk in.

I kept my head down but sharpened my gaze on them.

Short stubbled male, check. Six foot, with peppered hair, ah huh. A pronounced paunch gut, yep, and

one round nose like a potato.

That was the description Frank’s old lady had given.

Looks like I had a match.

I pulled the small boxy daguerrotype from my coat. It had come courtesy from Miss Friendly Frank

herself. For proof. Problem was, it made being subtle a real challenge.

Struggling to get unhooked from a loose thread in my breast pocket without ripping my coat apart and

looking nondescript was not proving be possible.

The mystery dark haired lady had pulled him to a corner booth and was whispering something into

Frank’s ear that had him completely enamored from my skillful espionage. Until she decided to look

over his shoulder.

Click. Pop! The flash button on the Daguerrotype was not as quiet as I hopped.

“That creepy oaf took my picture!” She shrilled.

Gus had ducked to cover his ears.

I wish I could do the same. I knew that Friendly Frank wasn’t going to let me go without giving some sort

of token chase.

I was already out of the booth and halfway to the door before that broad had stopped screaming.

Frank was not in the fantastic shape I was allotted from my honorable occupation. I needed to charge

more so I could afford that kind of flab on me.

He cocked his fist back and swung like he was on an old set of ice skates.

I quick stepped to the side, lifting my prize out of reach and rushed out into the night air.

First time I had been to a tavern leaving feeling quite so refreshed without paying for a single drink.

Whistling and smiling to myself, I wondered if Lucky’s maybe had the right idea about it after all.