Between Failures and Conquering of Resolutions

             Could it be sealed as a stigma of indolence and lethargy that Prof. Vijay Kumar lost or suffered a gross failure during the years between 1972 to 1981 when almost ten resolutions were

Made probably without strong will power without actual realization. The truth is that a resolution Had not been made in the true sense of the word. For ten years I did nothing at all. I had become a person without even a dot of confidence. “ I cannot get a GUIDE. There is none in this world to help me. Does My Lord Krishna wants me to beg like a beggar to go and click the door-bell of every PhD. Should I Seek the grace of some kind professor at Agra or Meerut at this moment of life. It was now 1982 mid July 1968-69. I had by this time become a father of a daughter who was just two years old. Leaving my wife and daughter by themselves and travelled long many hours to meet Dr R.D. Sholic of Agra College whose Lectures I had attended earlier as a student. He accepted me after asking me about my management Between Bhavnagar and Agra. He assigned to me four prominent American writers of nineteenth century from its’ literature . He also suggested to borrow books from the University library. I did lot  Of reading for exactly a year and half and as directed by my guide I made a list of eight topics for onward studies of Ph.D.

                                   My destiny was firmly determined to block my further advancement in this erudite

Pursuit. Dr Sholic had left Agra three months back and had left no message to be conveyed to me. He Hadn’t made any arrangement to bring me into contact with of some of his friends, who were also guides for this degree. He presented himself as the most careless person that could ever be.

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1970 or 1971 became the years of doing all the other things except working for a doctorate degree and

It ended not till 1981. This was the part of my life that broke me down. Dr Sholic had broken my heart And for the first time I came to know what disappointment and depression could possibly be. I felt a Total loss of smooth life!. My scholarly tastes remained starved and I held monologues with Lord God during the silent hours of nights, feeling intensely shocked: “Oh my dear Krishne why did I spend Two years to study those American Poets and not attain consummation. Why Dr R.B. Sholick desert me

And left me a destitute? Is this going to be my destiny? I work hard but dame luck all the time kicks hard on my buttocks!

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1981“What’s this Vijay with you going on?

“ I do not know what you mean!

“Haven’t you become a lazy dog? Years of this precious life……( a pause) Dr J.J.T. was seriously concerned about Vijay’s professional career. In his high tone of irritation loudly shouted:” You have become a lazy and indolent man and I cannot bear lethargy from my dearest friend. Have you forgotten?

That you had to study and had to work hard for nothing!

“But what I could do? I was deserted by Dr Sholick, you know..

“Do you believe that some guide would have come travelling all the way to Bhavnagar and tell you, “Come on Vijay I will be your Guide come dear my Honourable  Sir!

 A silence indifference crept in and we both were looking into each other, staring, knowing not what to say.

“What the hell I should do? “ I looked at him with a sad face!

“Make a firm resolution to do this Ph.D. Degree and rush to Agra and meet people there. Go and meet the Registrar or the present Head of English Dept. there. Go and ransack all avenues there. Even some Peon might turn to be helpful to get what you intend.

‘” Yes that’s done.. I must get a Ph.D. Degree at any cost. I promise you, dear friend. You have infused my confidence that I had lost.

I must banish all negative thoughts. It has no place for survival. ‘’

………………………………………………………………………………………………………mid 1981

J.J.T.  Came to see me off at the Railway Station .Wish you best of luck friend. Don’t come back till you get a guide. Let me know the situation as and when it develops. Write back a post-card to let me know the developments. As I boarded the train I occupied my seat and made a midyear resolution there itself.

I must have a Ph.D. Guide I lighted incense sticks whenever I leave for another city. I closed my eyes for three minutes.

                               I made a short sojourn of most of the colleges and I went to see one very senior professor who had a bungalow in Professor’s society. Nothing appeared, no consequences, empty Seemed the walls of Agra and I perspired almost four days. Thereafter it struck into my mind that Visit the office of the University. I got the files of those professors who had done and got the degree. The Registrar himself came to me and informed me that there is one Dr Virendra Sharma of D.C. College And is shortly on the verge of retiring.. You’d better go to him and meet him at his residence close to the Railway Station.  It was easy for me to locate his bungalow. No sooner I saw his face my inner heart sprang into happiness. I intuitively felt that this Dr Virendra Sharma was surely going to accept me.

                                Next day morning I took one kg box of choicest sweets from the well-known and famous ‘Krishna Sweet Shop and Restaurant ‘ and took it to the house of my guide ‘ Ms Sharma objected and I said ‘ Its’ welcoming the beginning of a student with his new teacher.

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                        I began receiving several post cards and inland letters and it was like the modern “Teaching on Line ‘” Thus reading, writing and guiding all sorts of studies went on. He told me that Once every year you would stay here and work for two months every year here only and see me every day. I stayed In some hotel and guest house. In morning I had to meet my guide and during afternoons I visited the library of Aligarh Muslim University. All the libraries of Delhi University, British Council and

Agra too had been visited to spend several hours with also gathering necessary notes.

                                       I stayed full one month in the Agra University Library and I had been going through PhD. scripts that had been awarded. Every day after breakfast in the morning and also in The afternoon I was there. One fellow by name Satish Bansal came to me with limitless curiosity.

He wanted to know my purpose of that reading. He invited me for tea and some social interaction is quite well Come, “  Look here Vijay Kumar, why are you rotting yourself here.Why do you make your wife Suffer who might need to fulfill her sexual urge. Go back enjoy sleeping in bed with her.”

1984 was over “What for I am here for? I am a professional thesis writer and all that you have to do is paying me eleven thousand rupees and the thesis and synopsis everything would be ready Come back to see me after one year.”

          “  So that is why you invited me for tea and snacks four times.. Is that so?

     ‘” Yes that is the way of the world. Money makes impossible possible and I can get you a girl in bed if you just pay one hundred bucks.

   “Look stop your nonsense .Will you?

 ‘” You get lost right now and hear my decision. I am the last person to get a borrowed PhD. I won’t learn anything. I will write my thesis with my own mind each word of my thesis. And look here I will prefer to be without the degree rather than becoming a robber of intellectual work.

1984 October

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1985 MID June:

 My second son   Susheel Kumar fell ill seriously.  He got touched by a live wire that had fallen because of lashing winds and storms. He was immediately rushed to the biggest hospital of the government.

                                 However my bad luck had decided to never leave me alone. My thesis work was left pending for six months and by then 1985 too ran away just very fast.

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It was again the year of 1986 and I stayed in some hotel. Now there is no need to go o coming to me. His final lecture had gone on the whole afternoon almost two hours. My brother-in-law Mr Krishen Lal And his wife Shakuntala took me forcibly to Sikandrabad and made me stay in their bungalow, In the total privacy of one large room with all the amenities there, I could complete the final thesis in one hundred days. For four days they had gone to Delhi and again a stroke of my bad luck never left me

Alone. Very soon after the thesis had to be submitted along with a ‘Forward Letter’ Surendra Verma Was quite hesitant to send a forward letter and Sushma his wife intervened. “Now send his Forwarding Letter , don’t delay the matter. The poor boy had been running all over, Bhavnagar, thereafter Aligarh, Agra. He went for consulting books in almost five libraries. His wife and children have been waiting all these years.

                    But now luck came in flying after me and by next three months the Degree was awarded.

The age of a person has no connection with making a firm resolution.

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The end of 1986 SOME REACTIONS:

Dr M. F,. Salat is my bosom friend today as well. When I met him at his residence he closely folded my hands into his own and said: “Oh my Lord Dr Vijay Kumar you have achieved a tremendous success. Getting a degree as the one like a doctorate

 Degree at the age when one is forty-nine. None of the professors can even imagine doing such a remarkable achievement. You are great really Vijay the successful man. You have established an

Outstanding  example.

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Those people who had borrowed forty books and twenty note scripts to get their post graduation degree turned their heads in some other direction and could not even say ‘Hello Dr Vijay Kumar, Congratulations. They just remained cold and indifferent .These so called professors were really great with, feelings of insult to themselves. How could they utter a few words of appreciation for me?

                               The element of Segregation planted  in their mind was really deep. How could They cast off the golden chain that they were regularly wearing in their necks?