Finding My True Self

I never thought that spending a rainy day inside my home will be such an enlightening event in my life. Being a social work student I face many misfortunes and I somehow forgot the small things that used to bring me comfort when I was little. The day I decided to spend at home while it was raining outside, I woke up and I saw the beautifully formed drops of rain on my window and as I was looking at them, I remembered the times when I was a little kid in my own world of fantasies and romance. There's something very romantic in the rain for me, which reminded me of how precious love is and how people should appreciate it more. This realization of mine hurled me into some memories I had been trying to forget, yet I was there in them once again, for good or bad. As I was making my breakfast of oatmeal with yogurt and honey, I was feeling an odd comfort hearing the rain outside, something inside of me was making me start drawing again, there is some inspiration in the rain, something very alive. So staying home while its raining outside was probably the best idea then, it helped me gather some talented ideas I had before. Like drawing again, so I grabbed my pen and my drawing block. I started drawing a creature that resembled one of my nightmares I had not long ago as if drawing it down will somehow express the negative feelings and just leave them on the drawing block instead of my head. As I was drawing, I realized that there was something very therapeutic about the process of drawing something, especially if you're bothered by it. I quickly remembered a friend of mine who finished her bachelor in "Occupational Therapy" and had told me about the power of drawing and how helpful it can be emotionally. So for me, the combination of rain outside and drawing was probably the best thing that could happen to me and wouldn't have happened if the rainy day didn't make me stay at home and find something to do. I've been trying to draw my nightmare as if that was my goal for the entire day and as I was drinking my tea and drawing while having small breaks of looking through the window and somehow.. thinking with nostalgia about my past, I couldn't really stop some of my tears, I know I am very emotional and I could use this for my own sake, to heal myself from the heartbreak I had not long ago. The sound of rain has always been soothing for me, but this time it was like a waking one instead. Awaking of my talent and ideas to bring something from my head into the reality, which very often is hard to do, yet the rainy day spent at home, somehow helped me remember who really I am. While drawing, my whole self was at peace and the only thing I was bothered was the fact that my pen was running out. I had some emotional pain at that very moment, and I wasn't in a very good place in general. The only things that sparked that talent in me were to depict what was really happening in my head, to express my emotions through art. The strange fact that it wasn't hurting when I was expressing it and it was hurting every time I would think about it, I realized how powerful drawing can be as if you're another soul while drawing and that your mind is clearer than ever, you're in the moment and your whole being is going through the hardest change ever - the realization that our souls are always connected with the true feelings and we are able to express them. This day was different than any other day, I guess because I had to stay at home, in a very unusual way and I was forced to do so, due to the rain. It was like I found another part of myself, a new part I never had access to and as I explored myself and my feelings, I found something new and powerful within me. The realization is so important that I couldn't really believe how I was so free and worry-free at that very moment. I kept drawing while focusing on my emotions, but the rain kept hitting the roof and windows, it gave me that comfort I used to have as a little kid in my grandmother's house, probably the best moments of my life happened in that house. I looked at the window, but the light was so weak, there were only clouds and drops of rain, this almost gave me the nostalgia I've been trying to avoid, yet it found me in the most unusual way and as I was drawing my nostalgia down, the emotions that I had to go through, just went through me painlessly, something I never expected that would happen. The rainy day spent at home made me realize that my biggest fears, pains, misfortunes were to be felt and expressed in a way that you could really look at them and face them with who you truly are. The drawing was my way of expressing my feelings, writing could be another, but the fact I realized it in a moment where I was forced to stay home speaks enough, I would have stayed in these emotions for years probably, until I would realize the truth and what if I never did? This question really knocks on the door as I am remembering how painful I can expressing my emotions be. In the rushed daily life that we all have, sometimes we lack the time for the realization of our true emotions. Finding that powerful part of myself probably has saved me and my life is a result of a realization now, such that even the biggest fears of mine stand no chance because now I know I am stronger than I thought.