Aisle 3... beverages

The church bells toll endlessly as he stands at the alter waiting for her to arrive.

 What's taking so long, he thinks to himself. I hope I get to see her before I die.

"What's taking so long?"

"Mom, I don't know" he says nervously, his uncertainty growing.

"What if she ran away?"

"Shut up, Charles. That's not even funny...", he replied curtly to his brother, "We've been dating for three years, engaged for two... I doubt she'd run away".

He straightens his vest as certainty grows in him again. Talking to his brother always triggered defiance and indignation in him, anytime he opened his mouth; it was easy to become more certain purely out of spite for his brother who had the audacity to be thinking the exact same thing as him.

"You never know", his brother states.

"Will you let it go?! Please!... She's coming..."

 I wonder how long I'll have to wait for her, he thought to himself again.

"Well, how long will we have to wait for her to arrive?"

"Shh, mom. I don't know... I'm waiting for the same thing..."

Nova woke up from her dream. She had been having that same dream for weeks now, it was weird that the guy (she had named him Evan. She kept seeing the same guy and figured she might as well give him an identity. Plus, it was one of her favorite names ever since she was little) was always waiting for the bride to show up, but she always woke up before he actually saw her - before she saw her too for that matter. It was weird. She'd looked up what marriage meant in a dream and it turns out to dream of a marriage signifies commitment, harmony or transitions; someone undergoing an important developmental phase in their lives. "I don't know", she said aloud to herself when she read the interpretation to herself. But the questions "Why do I keep having this dream?" and "Am I waiting for someone to show up?" were questions that constantly resided in the back of her mind. This morning she decided to get up and find an answer.

It was gray out, but no rain was falling yet. She wasn't the type to check a forecast either, she would just look up at the clouds and get her answer from what she saw. She put her hand on the glass to check the temperature. "I guess it'll be fine", she said as she pulled on her rainboots, grabbed an umbrella, and walked to the kitchen, making a loud clunking noise through the house.

"Isabella", her mom called.

"Call me Nova!" she yelled back to her mom who was making breakfast.

"Whatever," her mom said shortly before continuing sweetly with, "... sweet daughter of mine. Will you please stop making that noise through the house? Where are you going anyway," her mom asked, poking her head out of the kitchen to investigate for herself.

"I'm going vegan, mom," she chuckled in response. Nova could hear a sigh come from the kitchen and she knew she had gotten her. Messing with her mom was one of her favorite pastimes. It always made her smile on the inside, something that was much harder for her to do on the outside. She made it to the kitchen and sat at the table. She grabbed the economics section of the newspaper her dad was reading, and without looking up, he said, half to himself, "Why are you picking up that section of the paper? You don't even know what it says", while taking a bite of his plain, un-buttered toast. She inhaled sharply and let a breath wheeze out through her teeth before retorting, "That's why I'm reading it, daddy dearest. So I can learn about the world around me."

"I just got through cooking breakfast," her mother interrupted. "Can't you 'go vegan' another time," her mom asked, placing the pancakes and eggs on a plate in front of her. Nova stared at the food silently for a couple of seconds, found herself, smiled and stated matter-of-factly, "No, I can't, dear, I've got to get going. I have a very important meeting with the President. He wants to see pigs fly by any means necessary and I think the guys down at the lab have finally cracked it," she stated sarcastically. Fixing her rainboots one last time before getting up from her chair, she looked at her mom and said, "And mom...?" Her mom looked at her stone-faced, but Nova knew she was wondering how she ever gave birth to such a strange child. Nova smiled, continuing, "I'm gluten-free too".

As she exited the front door, she heard her parents' voices inside. She didn't have to know what they were saying to know what they were saying. "That child of yours is so strange. What a menace!" she mocked in a deep, raspy voice, imitating her father. "Well, she came from your nut sack, not mine," she laughed to herself. "Like mom would ever say that." The one thing she felt lucky about was living in the garden district. It was, in her opinion, and the opinions of most of the residents of New Orleans, the most beautiful part of the city. Beautiful houses, too many colors to name, every morning people jogging and enjoying the open air, close to college life and students matriculating (a word she'd learned recently) and most importantly, her favorite grocery store was a five minute walk from her house. Well, she thought, my parents' house, anyway. As she continued in her loud, clunky galoshes, she thought of the dream again. I wonder what any of it means. She felt like she had been waiting for the answer for a long time. As she was thinking to herself, she saw a couple holding hands and felt a pang. It was a familiar feeling, one she always had a habit of putting aside, but this time was different. She didn't know if it was because she was thinking about the dream when she saw it, but seeing them caught her off guard. She wanted what they had, more specifically, she wanted what he had.

She had known it from an early age that something about her was... different. She knew it when she went to her first sleepover and all the girls seemed to be so excited to be there, while she felt the urge to hide. She knew it when she went into the locker room at school, and, every time the other girls got undressed, she would look away. Now, seeing this couple holding hands, she felt it again. She shook off the thought and kept walking, "Y'all are gonna need an umbrella", she said out loud to the couple who looked at each other in response. The man replied with a "thanks", as they crossed paths. It was weird that she was so outspoken in so many ways, but this one thing was something she never wanted to talk about, not even with herself. And it was getting harder to cover up. Her body was changing, she was morphing into this... thing, and she had no idea how to control or stop it. It was like she was a beast in a cage, and she knew where the key was hidden because she was the one who put herself in a cage, but she felt it was safer to keep the key away from herself than to let the beast out. She hated the feeling, but she needed it locked up because... well... she didn't know why exactly. She had gone over it with herself many times "Maybe it's because I don't know anyone else who feels this way" and "Maybe it's because my life is so normal. I don't want to mess that up" were thoughts that circled through her mind as reasons for why she couldn't- no, wouldn't talk about it. She didn't know why she never spoke about it, but one thing was for sure, the reason she locked it up had nothing to do with her parents. They were uber-normal and if being like them was in her future, then that was plenty of reason to let the beast out. She felt like Evan talking to his family at the alter. Every time she thought of her parents, it was like one voice would come into her mind telling her what to do, what she was already thinking, while the other voice was just bothersome; she just wanted to rebel against that one. She didn't really know what was going on in her mind, but she knew whatever lessons and feelings her parents ingrained in her needed to get out of her; they needed to go live in someone else's psyche for a change because they weren't welcome in hers. There was no way she was going to invite their dryness into her...

Her thoughts trailed off as she came across another couple, this time doing more than just holding hands. She ran passed them, looking down, and, without warning, started sobbing. I guess it wasn't the clouds that were going to rain all over the place today, she thought to herself trying to laugh it off, but she hated that she did that. She hated that when she didn't know what she was feeling, she would turn everything into a joke. "Well, I'm not going to laugh about this anymore, I'm going to tell someone" she stated to herself through the tears. She wasn't fond of what her parents might say, so they were out. And telling a total stranger wouldn't really be satisfying either; there was no emotional investment with a stranger. I need to tell someone quick, and it needs to be someone I know. After a couple of minutes, and after wiping her tears on her sleeve, she decided to walk to the grocery store to clear her head. "That's it", she said inside herself, "I'll tell someone at the grocery store. I go there all the time. None of them are really my friends, but I see them often enough that... yeah, I'm gonna tell the cashier. Any cashier, just... I need to get this out".

As she walked into the grocery store, the glass doors sliding apart symbolized something to her. They symbolize my insides her opening up, she thought. No longer looking through the glass, but actually moving on the other side of it. In fact, hell, she made the whole grocery store a symbol: how she was entering this familiar place, this familiar feeling, with new intentions, the intention to tell the truth. Something stirred inside her, something succinct. "I'm gonna tell 'em!" she stated to herself once again, "...but... I am in a grocery store after all. Maybe I should grab a canned coffee or something first".

She scanned the store. "Aisle 1... canned beans, condiments, crackers. No...," she muttered under her breath. "Aisle 2," she continued, "cereal, bread... No..." She continued down a little further. "Aisle 3... beverages!" She turned the corner, walking onto the aisle, looking for her coffee, when she came across a young man who had to be at least eight-thousand feet tall. Well, that's an over-exaggeration, she thought to herself, but if this guy lived back in olden times, he's definitely be... Goliath's step-son, at least.

He stood in the middle of the aisle, looking at the label on something, when the pang hit again. He looked up briefly, and she immediately looked away. He smiled, placed the item in his basket and began to continue his shopping when she summoned the courage of David and stopped him with, "What were you reading", asking a little too loudly. "Ugh... Um", he stumbled, " I-I was just reading the label on this soda. It says it's sugar free and even has probiotics in it, but last time I checked, no one was drinking soda for the probiotics", he chuckled. "Figured I'd give it a try," he said, smiling again.

"Oh... that's cool", she said, visibly nervous.

"Um...", he attempted to continue, "so what's your..."

"I'm trans", she blurted out a little too loudly again, looking around to see if anyone had overheard.

"Oh", he said plainly. "...like... male to female or... female to male?"

"Um... female... to male... I think. I don't know. I don't want to talk about it. I came to this grocery store to actually tell that to a cashier, because I didn't want to tell it to my parents, because they already think I'm weird and hate that about me, and I hate that they hate that about me and it makes me hate myself and them and... yeah... I'm a guy"

"...okay... Okay. Well, it's nice to meet yooouuu...", the man trailed off, waiting for a name, as he held his hand out.

Thinking for a bit, "...Evan..." they replied for the first time in their life. "My name is Evan."

"Well, it's nice to meet you Evan... I like that name."

Evan looked at the man. Overwhelmed by the kindness and acceptance the stranger showed, the shock from just having blurted out the identity of his truest self, and the fact that he was finally being himself and not just doing things to avoid his true feelings all burst out through his knees as he fell to the ground. He was attempting to reach for the man's hand, but toppled over instead from weakness and nerves. The man caught him, however, and asked him profusely if he was okay. In that moment, Evan realized he had been waiting for this moment his whole life.

"Yeah," he said, clearing his throat, "Yeah. I like that name too".