Car Guys

Jarred sits at the kitchen bar, distractedly eating his buttered toast and scrambled eggs as he stares out the window.  His roommate, Derick, walks in and grabs a plate of eggs and four pieces of toast. He grabs a napkin for himself, and one for Jarred. 

“What are you doing?” Derick asks as he leaves the napkin beside Jarred’s plate.

Jarred realizes he hadn’t even noticed Derick walk in. “What?” He picked up the napkin and wiped the drool off of his chin.

“You’re staring out the window like a teenage girl staring at the boyband poster taped to their wall.”, Derick teased.

“She’s beautiful, Derick. You have no idea. You think you know how great it will be, but once you get her, ah, man.”

Derick continues to butter his toast and chuckle to himself. “It sounds like you’re in love.”

“I am, Derick. Nothing compares to this feeling. She’s amazing. Today we drove around all day listening to music full blast. Last week we went on a road trip to the beach, even saw the sun set. She makes me want to take advantage of life again!

“Wow, that actually sounds really nice.” Derick pondered his recent encounters, trying to remember the last time he had a date that he actually enjoyed. After a few minutes of silence, except for the sound of toast crunching and metal forks on glass plates, Derick looked up. “So, what’s she, what’s she like?” He asked, raising his eyebrows and smirking.

“Dude.” Jarred bites his knuckle. “She was so dirty after last night, I had to give her a bath.  Got her all soapy and wet.”

“Yeah?”

“You should see her when I really get her engine running.” Jarred winked. “And the leather.  All leather everything.”

“I didn’t know you were into that.” Derick said as he pushed a piece of crust to the side of his plate.

“Wouldn’t you be?” Jarred responded. He stood from the bar stool and scraped his leftovers into the garbage. “She gets a little heated sometimes, but I do drive her pretty hard.”

“Yeah, you do.” Derick shovelled the last few bites into his mouth as his imagination started to run wild.  Before swallowing everything, he added, “So, awesome.”

Jarred rinsed his plate and fork. “As long as I’m the one who gets to tuck her in at night, I’m good.” He stood by the window, absentmindedly drying his plate, rubbing the same spot over and over.

“Sounds pretty perfect, Jarred.”, Martin said. “There’s got to be something wrong.”

“What? Why”? Jarred’s attention jarred back to reality.

“Listen man, in my experience, it can’t all be good.”

“Well, there is some junk in the trunk, but I don’t really mind it.”

“No shit, I wouldn’t mind that either! There’s really nothing? Is she needy? Some can be a little hard to maintain, if you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, she is pretty high maintenance.”  Jarred stated. “But she’s worth it. I just got her some new shoes that cost me a pretty penny, but I don’t regret a cent of it. She looks fantastic, and she needed them.”

“It sounds like you know what you’re doing. And you seem really happy.” Derick brought his empty plate to the counter. “I just hope you don’t get hurt.”

“Awh, look at you, all worried about me.” Jarred nudged his roommate.

“Of course I care about you man, we’re like family.”

“You’re just sucking up so you can take her for a ride.”

“What?”

“What? Did you not think I’d let you?”

“Um, I uh, well, no, dude.”

“Derick, we share everything. I’m literally wearing your pants right now.”

Derick gave out a nervous laugh. “So, like, how is this going to work?  Will you be there, or?”

“Well, yeah, I’m not going to let you go alone, I don’t trust you that much!” Jarred laughed and grabbed a plaid jacket from the hook by the door. “You ready?”

“What, now?!” Derick took a step back and laughed nervously, yet again.

“Why not? Tell you what, I’ll go get her warmed up for you.”

“Dude! I don’t know man. I don’t know if I can actually do this.” But by the time he got the words out, Jarred had already left the room. He hadn’t been with a woman in months, and the idea of turning this down seemed crazy. It had been so long since he felt the curves of woman body. The smell of her hair. The heat of her breath up against his skin. But Jarred would be there. Right there, beside him.  Or, in front, or behind him. Definitely not on top of or underneath him, he’d make that clear. No, he couldn’t do it. He didn’t want to spend the whole time worrying about accidentally crossing swords with his roommate. He’d get another date, eventually.

Jarred came back in with a huge smile on his face. “You ready, man?”

“Listen, I appreciate the offer, and I might regret this, but I can’t go through with it. This is dangerous territory.” 

“Don’t worry, we’ll go nice and slow in the beginning. Don’t you want to man? You heard everything I said, why wouldn’t you want a go inside her?”

“The whole idea is ridiculous, we can’t do this! We can’t. Right?  No matter how beautiful she sounds. No matter how many sudsy baths there are.” Derick’s voice trailed off as he got lost in a thought.

Jarred stared blankly at his roommate.

“Screw it. Let’s do it!” Derick grabbed his jacket, put it on and began do button it up.

“Alright man, didn’t realize it would be such a big decision for you, but let’s hit the road!” Jarred fished the keys out of his pocket.

“Is it far?” Derick asked as he locked the door behind him.

“She’s here.”, Jarred said as he pressed the unlock button on his fob. The lights blinked and the horn let out a short beep.

“You made her wait in the car?” Derick was surprised by his roommate’s lack of chivalry. He cocked his head to see who was inside.

“Made who wait in the car?” Jarred walked down the driveway towards his brand-new Mitsubishi Evolution. He smacked the hood and proudly stated, “Check her out!”

Derick stopped in his tracks as he began to realize his mistake. “Well, I did not see this coming.” 

“I know, I know, it was a bit of an impulse, can you blame me?” Jarred opened the driver door and sat down. “Hop in, man!”

“You go. I think I’m just going to stay here and take a cold shower.” Derick said, and started back towards the house.

“A cold shower, what are you turned on by car or something?” Jarred chuckled. He shut his door and started the engine. “Looks like it’s just you and me baby!”