The Hug

Once again, I screwed up.

At least, it felt that way at the time.

My husband and I had gone out for dinner before I had to work the graveyard shift. A waitress flirted with him and he loved it, like always. I got upset about it because I didn’t trust him. I never did, not even once.

After dinner, he dropped me off at home and then left. We were screaming at each other. I was in tears. But I had to go to work.

I go to work pretending everything is fine. I didn’t want to let my sadness show. I knew my marriage was going downhill more and more everyday but for some reason, I didn’t want anyone else to know. As if the world was going to stop turning because my husband was a psychopath who yelled at me and made me feel worthless all the time.

So, I was feeling pretty worthless and heartbroken that yet again we were arguing and I felt like it was my fault. It was always my fault.

At work, I had a best friend, Josh. I called Josh my “work husband” but only in my head. I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea because Josh was someone’s ACTUAL husband. That was okay with me. I loved our friendship. We were together as much as possible at work. Josh made me feel like I mattered, which I hadn’t felt in a long time.

The first two hours of work came and went. Nothing significant happened. Josh and I talked like always. I miraculously kept a smile on my face even though I felt like utter shit. Everyone was none the wiser.

Then it was break time. I went to the bathroom. Josh went outside. While in the bathroom, I checked my phone. There were some not so nice messages from my husband. I cried. I spent the whole ten minute break in the bathroom, crying.

I came out of the bathroom as Josh was coming in from outside. We got back to work. Josh would later tell me that he saw my face and knew something was wrong. He noticed my red eyes and red nose that I tried so desperately to hide.

He asked if I was okay. I nodded, trying not to speak, fighting the next flood of tears.

“Are you sure?” Josh asked.

“Yes.”

Josh didn’t buy it.

I don’t recall what he may have said next, maybe something about how I didn’t look okay and how I could talk to him, etc. The next question he asked changed everything for us.

He asked “Do you want a hug?”

Without thinking, I said yes.

We found a spot in our workplace where no one could see and we hugged each other.

It was like the movies. Time stopped. Amorous music played. My heart swelled. His touch, his body that close to mine felt like home.

I liked Josh. I thought we clicked really well. I thought maybe in another life, we could’ve been great together romantically. But I always pushed the thought away. I figured we were both married to other people, it’ll never happen. I loved our friendship and I figured that’s all it would ever be.

Things changed after The Hug.

It was only a few seconds before we pulled apart. We continued to talk, laugh, and work but things were different.

Soon enough, we admitted to each other our undeniable feelings. There was no pushing them away after The Hug. We couldn’t hide it anymore. We both had issues in our marriages, issues that were not going to be fixed. Issues that we worked on for years with our spouses, with no solution in sight. It was something we didn’t talk about much until after The Hug because for one, we didn’t want to admit our marriages were failing. We also didn’t talk about it because when we were with each other, we forgot how worthless we felt at home.

Time went on, feelings between us grew, divorces were filed, and divorces were finalized. We were there for each other through it all.

Four years since The Hug, Josh and I are still together to this day.

Josh and I didn’t mean to fall for each other, it just happened. We were trying hard NOT to fall for each other. There was something about him, the way he listened to me and cared about what I had to say. He made me laugh, and he made me feel valued. Being with Josh, even when it wasn’t romantic, made me realize that I didn’t have to deal with the problems in my marriage. I didn’t deserve the yelling, the violence, and the constant worry that I was experiencing in my marriage. I knew something was wrong, but I figured if I would just do things differently, say things differently, BE different, then maybe it would get better. Of course, it didn’t. It just doesn’t work that way.

I used to wonder why I met Josh at the time I did. Why not earlier? Why not before he got married and had three daughters? We were both hesitant about the future, a little nervous and excited. He didn’t want to be away from his kids but he also didn’t want them seeing him and his wife scream at each other every day. I didn’t want to be abused and lonely anymore. My loneliest time period of my life was during my marriage. It shouldn’t be that way.

Our story is proof that life happens when you’re busy making other plans. We both thought our life was set in stone, and there would be no detours. We were very wrong. Now we have a healthy relationship with each other and we can show that to his daughters. We can show them that yes, it is possible to find someone who will love you unconditionally and just as you are. We learned that we are worthy of that kind of love and we can show them that they are too.