Deception

At the edge of the world the cabin sat, perched gingerly on top a steep hill top surrounded by tall trees and frozen streams down below. It was my first time in the mountains; there was a stillness that existed within its nature, a solitude I was not accustom to, being so far away from civilization. I glanced at my phone on the table, half expecting it to ring or give off any assortment of noise for that matter but it never came. It was so quiet, so very quiet that it scared me a little, no phone service, no electricity or internet just the sound of my breath, blowing on my hands for warmth.

I sat by the window feeling numb; in my recycled loop of memories I couldn’t recall ever feeling this cold before. I tucked my arms under my legs and cradled my body in an effort to bare it. The wintry air slithered through the cracks in the wall stinging my exposed feet as they consumed the atmosphere in the cabin. My teeth chattered now, desperation; I glimpsed the woolly blanket that was thrown over the bed wondering if it was worth it, but I could not pry myself away. She was out there, in the snow, gathering firewood for us. The guilt of her being alone I had to stay put to catch any sign that she was approaching. The snowfall made visibility impossible, becoming increasingly poor as the minutes ticked on by; ‘Where was she?” I wondered.

In my agony for something not yet known I agreed to accompany Blair on that trip. Every fibre of my being wanted to be in her orbit. It was as important as breathing to me, her spirit the air I needed to fill my lungs. The first time I saw her I got lost in her stares, trapped in a euphoria of wanting and desire. An infinite number of conversations we must have had through these gestures; yearning glances, brushed hands in the hallway at work and echoes of my heartbeat whenever she was nearby. I often found myself whispering words of love and lust, things I wanted to say but couldn’t.

The knocks came rapidly at first but slowed in intensity. I struggled to get my legs going, my joints rigid as I stumbled off the ledge of the window and onto the floor. The only tool available to me were my arms; I used my elbows as human walking sticks to drag my body across mid aisle to the door. I could hear her faint cries now, she was freezing. I leaped up and pulled the door knob, rolling sideways as it swung open. Blair fell in and collapsed in my arms. I buried my head in her lavender scented hair whilst she laid on top of me, her body shivering against my own. The urgency was now gone and all there was, was me and her; forced to confront the reality of us.

Consumed by the moment, the snow blew in as we laid there, the door still wide open. After a few deep breaths she peeked out from our embrace, her chin on the path between my breasts, glaring into my eyes. She always left me defenceless, trapped in an air pocket of devotion, lost in her brown penetrating gaze. She rolled over quickly and sat up. One by one she pulled the fire wood inside and used her feet to close the door shut. “Come!” She beckoned to me. “Let’s warm up this place up!”

The fire was roasting now, she used the open flames as a stove to brewed hot chocolate, something she admitted she had done a thousand times over the years. The cabin was her father’s and when he died she took it as her own, often coming on trips with her husband and teenage son. She paused and subconsciously played with the ring on her index finger. Whatever she was thinking polluted our space and loomed over us like a bad odour. I couldn’t read her face anymore, her raven hair falling forward as she stared off into the floor. I knew what was wrong but selfishly I didn’t care, all I wanted was her. I reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear, and pulled her closer to me. We were inches apart, I could feel the warmth of her breath on my lips. “I want you!” I whispered. “More than I have ever wanted anything and I have no idea why.” It was the truth that weighed heavily on my heart. I had never been with a woman, have never been attracted to a woman but whatever it was between us went beyond our physical gender. My hand at the nape in her neck; my thumb gently caressing her throat, I reached in and kissed her; just a soft peck to the cheek, a reassurance that everything would be fine. I had no idea of knowing this but bluffing seemed like my only life raft. Without warning she looked up at me, her eyes fixated on mine; our foreheads touching; we were one. I was complete by just being in the presence of Blair. We kissed deeply, passionately, our bodies intertwined. I could feel the rise and fall of her chest against me. I wanted to possess her, devour everything that I was feeling. Her kisses left my lips and trailed downward, soft moans breaking the stillness.

Another knock emerged, a heavy bang, bang, bang! We were alone in the wilderness in the mist of our shame and now another person. Bang, bang, bang, our visitor was persistent, their insistence to open the door made clear with their intent. She stepped forward to answer the door, retrieving the riffle on the gun rack. “Don’t!” I whispered. “I have too!” She warned and reached out her hand to pull the door free, her weapon drawn, expecting the worst.  

“I had to see for myself!” The man proclaimed as he walked in shaking off the snow from his bulky jacket. The tall stranger was furious and intimidating all the while directing his attention to Blair only. Blair did not move but lowered her weapon instead blankly peering at the gentleman in the doorway.

“Who is this?” I asked, still whispering, yanking at her hand to shake her out of the trance she was in.

“I am her husband!” He answered for her.

I took a step back, our world shattered, my soul placed back in the cocoon void of light. Blair said nothing, she returned the riffle to the rack and waited for the onslaught that was coming.

I was irrelevant to him, all his focus was her; with tears in his eyes he shouted at her, shouted at me to stay out of it when I defended her. I tried to take the blame but it was difficult for him to believe anything I had to say when she, as he put it, was a repeat offender, her cabin the usual hideaway.

“You promised!” He screamed at her, her eyes blinked rapidly and her body jerked with every missile of words he threw.

I did not know how to feel, I was not her first, what we had wasn’t special. The very thing that gave me life over those past few weeks was just her way of tip toeing around her sexual urges. 

She instantly mutated into someone I did not recognize and gave me bloodshot hateful stares when I suggested we leave. I knew what I was now, a fling.  I took her keys and my bag I did not have time to unpack and left in her car, it was obvious she would leave with him.