Try Again

Noticing she was at a stoplight, Raven reapplied her lipgloss and attempted to touch up her hair right before being honked at. “I know you like to move at your own pace, but you know you can’t do all this while driving.” The voice coming from her car weakly sighed before continuing. “Speaking of moving at your own pace, what made you decide to slow down for today too? I thought you were excited about this.” 

“Of course I’m excited! I just got a little nervous, it’s been a while since I’ve seen them.” Raven lightly chuckled. “I could barely sleep last night.”

“Are you alright? Should you really be driving right now?” 

Raven rolled her eyes. “I know right… they could’ve at least gotten someone to pick me up. I’m almost there though.”

The woman on the other side of the phone paused for a few. “You’re coming to see me afterward right? I strongly suggest not missing this session.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Raven swiftly hung up before taking in a deep breath. Her eyes were glued to the road yet her mind was already wandering. ‘Do I look good? Did I lock the door?’ Surface thoughts like these were distractions for how tight her chest felt and how light her head was at the thought of seeing her partner again. 

Small arguments that Raven didn't even remember anymore had made them distant for a long while, until their last argument where they completely stopped talking altogether. She received a text from them soon after that, a text that told Raven all she needed to know. A text that let her know how seriously they took the relationship. She never thought that she was in love with them before then, but the warmth she felt in her chest along with the smile that began to form was something she’d never felt before. Being able to genuinely smile like that was something Raven hadn’t been able to do in years since she was a child. Reflection afterward told her that her partner had made her the happiest she’d been in a long time. Raven was beyond grateful that she was getting to see them again.

As she pulled up to the address, she immediately took note of how expensive the area looked. She didn’t consider herself a materialistic person, but the way her partner loved to spoil her never failed to make her stomach flip. This wasn’t the first time they’ve done something like this for her, but it’s the first time Raven has actually thought of the fact that she hasn’t done anything special for them in return.

Walking into the building, it felt as if she was getting married. It was beautifully decorated down to the windows, all intricately designed. She was almost immediately led toward her partner by someone near the door who didn’t bother to speak. As she was walked down, nerves that she entered the building with began to fade as she got closer, and a carefree smile began to form. 

‘They don't even look mad at me. Does this mean that they’re willing to try again?’ She giggled at the thought of this. ‘Cuz I am. I wanna try this relationship out again.’ Judgmental faces she didn’t recognize stared at her, all quiet as she walked past. Her only focus was on her lover, the sole person she came for. Whether or not she came late didn’t matter unless her partner said it did, that’s at least what she thought anyway.

“I almost feel underdressed looking at you! If I knew that you’d make me come to such a nice place I would’ve dressed up a little more.” She looked up at the chandeliers and back down to her lover. “I didn’t think you could afford a place like this!” After a few moments of silence, she deeply rolled her eyes. “I'm joking, damn. You always take things so seriously. This is why we’re here in the first place.” She bent over and got in their face, lowering her voice. “You turned a small situation into a big one, and you had to pay for it like this.” She bounced back up a gave them a big toothy smile. Seeing them after such a long time made her extremely fidgety, and she loved how it felt. “This is a pretty big gesture though, so I forgive you! Sorry I’m late by the way, you know how I procrastinate.” Rambling to them was Raven’s forte, the comfort it brought her was something she knew she definitely took for granted.

An old woman walked up to Raven, cutting her off. “I’m glad you could make it.” The woman pulled her in for a tight hug. “Better late than never.” 

The small woman let her go and grabbed her hands.“Are you staying for the rest of the service? I’d love it if you did.”

Raven chuckled at this.“You know nobody wants me here.” 

The woman tightened her grasp, her face full of pity. “They loved you very much, though I’m sure you already know this.” Raven knew exactly what she was insinuating by this sentence, and it made her chest feel tight again.

“We’re closing the casket soon. She leaned in right before walking back into the rest of the crowds. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

Raven looked back at her lover with a face full of contempt. Her head felt light and her chest tight, the same way she felt when she realized she loved them. The feeling was no longer blissful but nauseating. “I really would’ve wanted to try again… If you didn’t want to you could’ve told me that, but here we are.” Raven began to look around again, not wanting to look at the corpse of her partner. Would they have gotten married in this same church? Would the judgmental and pained faces she was walking past be rejoicing in another life? Would they have stayed together at all if she stopped them from doing what they did?

Without looking back she walked out of the chapel, holding back tears she didn't understand the origins of. 

‘Maybe I should’ve come earlier.’