A Cold Party

“Ah, Donna… welcome… please, come in.” The older woman’s voice was warm, but her face was sharp and curt, and her blue eyes held more chill than the piles of snow outside her massive home. She stepped away from her mahogany double doors and allowed Donna, a large woman with a hostile face, to walk in. “How was your drive?” 

“Fine,” said Donna shortly, taking off her shoes and speeding past the old woman. She walked down a spacious hallway filled with pictures, recognizing her own smiling face in a few of them. Her feet carried her mechanically to a large parlour, where a group of well dressed individuals stood sipping drinks in frigid silence. She gave them all a curt nod and poured herself a heavy glass of gin. 

“Donna,” said a straight-backed old man, “How are you?”

“Fine,” said Donna, taking a small sip. 

“It’s good to-”

“Save it, Gerald,” she cut him off and quelled him with a severe look. 

He took a sip of his whiskey sour and sniffed. “There was a time when you called me father, you know.”

“Trust me,” replied Donna quickly, “I know.”

They were earning some appraising looks from the rest of the party. Donna realized she was the last person to arrive. All told, there were nine people around her. Gerald, the despicable old man who she indeed had once called father, her paternal uncle Thomas and his wife Charlotte, their three children, now all young men: William, Bishop, and Landry. Her maternal aunt Patricia was brooding behind the bar with her husband David and daughter Anne. Out of the corner of her eye, Donna spotted the final person in the room. Her own brother Jackson, sipping on a neat scotch on an armchair by a dim lamp. They locked eyes for a few seconds, the ice between them thickening. He did not bother to rise to greet her, and she didn’t go over to him to greet him. She merely sipped her drink and stood in silence with the rest. 

“Ah, dinner is served,” said her mother Diane quietly from the door. The party, led by Donna, walked into the familiar dining room of the Paulson estate - a large, dark oak table classically styled with pristine polish on every inch. There was enough room to seat twice as many as had gathered there that night, but the extra distance between the tall, straight dining chairs pleased the party - what need was there to get too close to one another?

The room was lit by a large chandelier on the ceiling, and Donna looked up at its crystalline magnificence with a sneer. She remembered a time before that chandelier. Before her family had moved into this disgusting house. Before everything changed… 

“Madame,” said a somber servant from behind her, pulling out her chair. “Would you care for some wine?”

“Just more gin, please,” said Donna, downing her drink and shoving the glass at him. He took it with pursed lips and went to the liquor cabinet, where several servants were pouring the other guests’ drinks. 

“Now, we are not going to start this meal,” said Gerald loudly, his old voice retaining the power of its youth, “without an acknowledgement of civility between all those seated at this table.” His light blue eyes darkened and stared daggers at every member of his family. 

“And what will happen if we disagree?” asked Thomas with a wry smile. Though he was Gerald’s older brother, his voice was thin and far less powerful. 

“Then you will not be invited back.”

“What a shame that would be,” muttered William. Charlotte put a hand on his shoulder. 

“Please, repeat after me,” said Gerald, “I will not disrupt the course of this meal, nor the gathering thereafter.”

They murmured their assent, carefully watched by both Gerald and Diane. “Now then,” said Diane, “Let us eat.”

The first course was brought out - a light winter salad with cranberries and aged nuts. For some time, the only sounds were of the guests chewing and swallowing their food with small sips of their alcoholic drinks in between. Servants watched from the doorway, their stances proper but their eyes unable to hide their discomfort at the distant party. Sometimes someone would clear their throat, and the servants’ eyes would fill with hope that the dreadful conversational silence could be broken, but it was followed hastily by a sip or a bite and the servants were again uncomfortable. 

Once Diane, the slowest eater in the family, had finished, a course of hearty carrot and ginger soup was brought out. The dining room remained quiet - no one in their right minds would dare to slurp their soup. Donna looked out of the large windows on the wall opposite to her and saw that a light snow had started to fall. Something felt sour in her stomach - more sour than what she was used to. She gazed at her family. People she’d known since she was a kid. She remembered her early years of playing in the park with Landry and Jackson, who were the closest to her age. Now Jackson sat across from her and wouldn’t make eye contact. Had the money changed them that much? There was a time when Thomas would sit with Gerald in the small sitting room of their old house and laugh over cheap cigars and drinks. Now the two brothers wouldn’t look at one another. 

“So, Jackson,” she blurted suddenly, her heart pounding, “How are things?”

An utter silence was brought to the room, and Donna felt her face begin to flush. She couldn’t see the servants, but she felt their fear. Everyone’s face was full of a cold shock, including Jackson’s. He cleared his throat and said, “It’s alright.”

If this had been another night, the conversation would have, perhaps mercifully, ended there. But Donna felt the gin turn in her stomach and continued, “Meet anyone recently?”

“No.”

“Hmm. Whatever happened to that girl you were going out with… Leslie?”

Jackson’s eyes were like fire, and the rest of the family stopped to watch their conversation with piqued interest. He replied with a slight huff, “That was fifteen years ago… we broke up.”

“Damn… I’m sorry.” There was weight in that apology. Donna locked eyes with her brother and apologized for all the years she neglected him. After their family came into money… After they moved into this house, there was nothing but resentment. Donna always felt Jackson trying to worm his way up their father’s company’s ranks, and her young and fiery heart always tried to one-up him. Their father preyed on the fierce competition and used the both of them until they burned out and exploded at one another, quitting the company and moving to separate sides of the country - Donna in Oregon and Jackson in North Carolina. Everyone had their reasons to hate each other in this family. Landry, for example, hated Donna because she had swallowed up his own position at Gerald’s company through sheer force of will. She couldn’t apologize for anything else, but she could apologize for her own small part in his life. 

Jackson cleared his throat, making a choice and keeping his eyes fixed on Donna. “Apology accepted.” 

There was silence again until the third course was brought out - a lamb Wellington with honey glazed root vegetables. They began eating, and Jackson suddenly said, “Where are you working these days, Donna?”

She smiled - the first smile she’d experienced at this house in many years. It warmed her face and even brought a slight upward twitch to Jackson’s lips. She said, “Oh, I’m a process manager for Davison Electric. What about you?”

“Actually,” he chuckled, “I’m not working. I decided to pursue writing full time. I’m working on my first novel right now.”

“Oh wow, what’s it about?” She felt warmer now, as though she were getting to know her brother again.

“Well, it’s essentially about a man who has to go to great lengths to save his son, who’s trapped in a foreign country.” 

“Sounds interesting,” said Gerald suddenly, surprised with himself. 

“Yeah, how far along are you?” asked Donna. 

Jackson shifted his gaze around the table. The mood stood upon the edge of a knife. He smiled and said, “I’m editing it right now. Should be done in a few months.”

“Well, I’ll be sure to buy a copy when it comes out,” Donna’s voice was genuine, and she sipped her gin lightly. 

“Don’t bother,” said Jackson, waving a hand. He paused and added, “I’ll… send you one. Just let me know where.”

“I will.”

“So, do you enjoy what you’re doing these days?” asked Jackson. His voice tightened a little as he continued, “You were always on top of things when we… worked together.”

She grinned and said, “Yeah, I love it. I think I might get promoted soon, but my boss is kind of an asshole, so y’know…”

“Yeah,” he said quickly, “I know.”

They laughed a little, the sound echoing in the large room and bouncing off the windows. The snow had stopped. Donna smiled and realized it was just a passing flurry. They finished their Wellington at almost the same time, and looked at the rest of the table after they were done. Donna noticed the family was stealing furtive glances at one another, almost scared to strike up any conversation. David, Patricia, and Charlotte, all of whom had the least to do with Gerald’s company, were particularly alert. Charlotte had watched her husband be screwed out of the company, but she herself hadn’t lost much. Thomas found a new job which paid more than what he’d made with his brother, and their family lived a comfortable life in upstate New York. Patricia had some feud with her sister Diane for how Anne had been unique amongst the younger generation of that family in never receiving a job offer from Gerald, but now Anne was a graduate student at Stanford. David married into the family with a pre-existing job where he made a great living, but his introversion and quiet disposition had led him to fall in line with his wife’s feud out of ease. They looked around, sometimes even opening their mouth a little as though they wanted to start talking, but nothing came out. 

Donna didn’t mind. Dessert was a warm, delightful apple pie with some cool vanilla ice cream. She tucked in and said, “This reminds me of the way mom used to make apple pie, right Jackson?”

“Mmm,” said her brother after taking a bit, “Yeah it really does.”

They laughed, but Diane said softly, “I… I made this pie.”

A new silence was brought to the table, and Jackson and Donna looked at one another before Donna said, “It’s wonderful….”

“Yeah it really is,” echoed Jackson. 

The rest of the family again chose to steal frightened looks at one another rather than engage in conversation, and Donna thought she noticed a few tears falling from Diane’s normally stoic face. She wanted to speak more to her, but something stuck in her throat. Instead, she turned back to her brother and said, “Are you still in North Carolina?”

“Actually, I moved to northern California a couple years ago.” His eyes were sharp and hopeful. 

“Oh, really? San Francisco?”

“Santa Clara.”

“That’s… that’s only a couple hours away from me, I think,” said Donna with a wide smile, “We should definitely get together more often, then.”

“I… I’d like that,” said Jackson slowly. “I’ve also taken up some cooking recently and I’d love to have someone besides my dates taste my cooking… Y’know, maybe there’s a reason they never stick around for long.”

He laughed first, which gave Donna the cue to laugh with him. Landry chuckled, but quickly blushed and applied himself to his dessert again. Once the party was done and the plates were cleared away, they moved back into the parlor for some drinks. Donna knew she had a drive ahead of her to the hotel in Boston, but she allowed herself one more gin. Before her brother could pour himself another scotch, she grabbed the bottle from him and poured it for him with a small smile. Their faces were so alike, just differing in the softness of the nose and the width of the lips. Donna’s features were a little pudgier than her brother’s, and of course he kept a short beard, but other than that they may as well have been twins. As the rest of the party formed their sub-family groups and stayed away from each other, the two of them sat down on a couch under a window. 

“Where are you staying?” asked Jackson. 

Donna took a small sip and realized she didn’t want the drink anymore. Setting it down, she said, “I’m at the Boston Marriott Long Wharf.”

He laughed. “Sorry, the word ‘wharf’. I always think of Star-”

“Of Star Trek?” interjected Donna, “You watch that?”

He looked away shyly, “Well, only The Next Generation…”

“I love that show! I watched it between boyfriends a few years ago.”

“Wow, that’s weird… I watched it when I was between relationships too. I think that was what… five years ago now? I’ve seen it about a dozen times since. I’ve even thought about starting Voyager.”

“Me too!” Donna and Jackson laughed heartily, completely and blissfully ignorant of the other people in the room, who stared at them with some mix of shock, envy, and solemnity. Landry passed them a quick glance, as though he himself were a Star Trek fan. It wouldn’t surprise Donna - she remembered he was quite the geek in his childhood. She looked at her brother and said, “So where are you staying?”

“Oh, I’m at the Hilton downtown. How long are you staying?”

“Just for a few days.” Donna was actually supposed to fly back out in less than 24 hours, but she sensed where the conversation was going. She added, “I wanted to explore the city before I left.”

“Cool… Hey, I’m actually flying out early next week… you wanna explore the city together?” He couldn’t meet her eyes when he asked, and Donna felt his nervousness. 

“I’d love to. You’re single, right?” 

“Yeah…”

“Well,” she said a little devilishly, “I am too. Why don’t we hit the clubs and see who we can meet. I mean, we’re not that old yet, are we?”

He grinned. “No, we’re not… Yeah, we can definitely hit some clubs. I don’t know any in Boston these days, though.”

“Me neither,” she said with a dismissive wave, “But we’ll figure it out.” 

“I guess it’s a plan, then. Cheers.”

They clinked glasses and took hearty sips of their drinks, though their joviality was not at all bound by alcohol. The rest of the family looked at them like they were aliens - the ice between Donna and Jackson had been the thickest between any two members of the family. Their estrangement was so great it took them seven years after their departure from their father’s company to even come to Christmas dinner on the same night. 

Donna and Jackson both checked their watches at the same time and got up, smiling at their synchronization. Normally, when a family member wished to leave Christmas dinner, they’d simply give everyone a slight nod and head out into the night with their family. But Donna stopped in front of her mother and father, who stood like sentinels near the door with their red wine. She patted her pockets to make sure she had what she needed and cleared her throat. 

“I really should be going. It’s a long drive back into the city.” She found herself suddenly out of words, feeling the eyes of everyone else on her back, burrowing into her soul. She gave her parents a quick, strange bow and rushed into the hallway. 

“I need to go too… for the same reasons,” said Jackson, adding, “Dinner was lovely.”

“Let me walk you two to the door,” said Diane suddenly.

Donna saw the two coming up the hall and had the sudden urge to flee - to grab her coat and run out into the night, start her car, and speed her way to Boston, keeping the speedometer above 70 the whole time. But she planted her feet and took courage from a glance at her brother, who looked just as uncomfortable as she felt. If she abandoned him now, she knew it could be horrible for their future. Jackson put on his shoes, grabbed his coat, and opened the door to the frozen winterscape of Massachusetts. 

“Thank you for coming,” blurted Diane, her eyes slightly red. 

Donna looked at Diane’s eyes and saw that the frozen blues had melted into a warm ocean. It was still scary and uncharted, but it was approachable… with the right boat, she knew she could cross that ocean some day. She looked at Jackson, who a few hours ago was sitting in the corner alone, but was now at her side. She said, “Thanks for having us… mom.”

“Yeah,” said Jackson, “The food was great… and tell… dad… we said thanks too.”

Fresh tears came to all of their eyes, and ran freely down Diane’s face. They weren’t ready for a hug - none of them, but they shared the most meaningful embrace they’d had in nearly two decades simply through their earnest, loving looks at one another. Diane grabbed Donna’s right hand and Jackson’s left hand. “I… Your father’s birthday is on January 30th, you know-”

“We’ll be there,” said Jackson quickly. 

“Yeah mom,” reinforced Donna, “We promise.”

Diane nodded and gave them a watery smile. “I can’t wait,” she whispered. “Drive safe, you two.”

“We will,” said Jackson. They shut the door behind them and felt the tears freeze on their face as they walked down the path to their cars together, smiling in the winter wind.