The value of a memory.

pleaee note the non fiction part is the memory in the story…This summer I am going to lose my dad to cancer. I haven’t lost him as of 06/24/21 and I’m not sure when it’ll happen. Also the part about the trip to Vegas and the kid i. The crash…all true And I apologize for errors, I was actually sobbing as I wrote this, so please forgive me.

Thank you for reading

“You know I never noticed how time truly passes us by…At least not in a while…Haven’t had a summer this lonely in a longe time either….”

I said swallowing hard as My gray haired companion remained silent staring at me with their wide Emerald colored eyes, urging me on.

The warm tropical breeze blew my hair out of my face, Wrapping me in comfort as I prepared for the story.

”The last time I counted days like this was when my dad was dying. From the second round of cancer mind you…Five years after the first…God it was probably the longest and yet shortest summer of my life...Those precious felt like years even though they felt like they were passing too fast. Each day meant less time but yet each day couldn’t come days enough…confusing ain‘t it?”

I said looking over at my companion who merely tilted their head in curiosity at Me.

I chuckled and made a come here motion, offering some bread as a bargaining chip.

Once my compa was closed I sighed and looked out to the ocean.

waces rolled and out, silently changing the world around them.

oddly enough bringing back memories of the last family vacation to California And Vegas over 16 years ago…

At the mere thought of the memory my heart twinged And my chest as I began to talk, my heart felt heavy…longing for my dad…Longjng for my life.

”When I was 23 almost 24, just 2 weeks shy of my 24th birthday actually, my parents came home from a doctors appointmen and told me what we had suspected months ago…about the lump in my dads mouth…Doc confirmed the cancer was back and was growing rapidly. Doc said maybe 6-8 weeks and he’d be gone…It hit me like a to. Of brings ya know…we all knew it come but still…”

i said my vocie getting thick with emotion. I felt so much guilt and so much regret I side even now, 6 years later.

”Each day was both a gift and a curse…It was like living under a very well loaded gun with no safety, round in the chamber…Finger on the trigger. The tumor doubled every three days, in the matter of weeks It’s had destroyed his hard palate…Fathers day was hard not gonna lie. He tried so hard to make it normal and I despite knowing it was his last…wasted it….Gid…I fucking wasted It.”

I whispered, my body began to shake as my eyes filled with tears, my companion giving sounds of sorrow as I my Lip trembled.

My stomach churned as I though about how selfish I was…How cold I had acted towards him. I should’ve made more of an attempt to make it special But instead I made a dish for a fmaily dinner and slept most of the day…I wasted it.

”I admit, I wanted him to die. I wanted it to be over. The waiting, the suffering…He wasn’t even living! He went out and did things but inside….The last time summer had been that long was 10 years prior when my cousin David died in a car crash…just months after our trip to Vegas…So much life and so much death…yet I hardly rememebered that trip to Vegas until the day my dad died….I had forgotten what my dad was like before life began collapse. I had forgotten how Happy we had been as a family before the cancer and before everything began to fall apart….I miss him So much Ash. So much…but just him…Not the sick and barely there him. I miss my dad, the one I knew! “

I sobbed, my body racked with sobs as I cried, tears and snot flowed down my face, passerby’s stared at us…well me but but I didn’t care.

”I never thought about a lot of things until he forgot that they happened. until I was holding his hand reminding hi. Do you know what it’s like? To remember what you forgot to remember? To hold someone’s hand and remind them of their life as they die?! To realize that those memories maybe the last ones your reminded of? Memories you don’t know?”

I cried, wiping my flooded eyes and blowing my snotty nose into my shirt.

my companion, whimpered and anuggled up next to me, their warm body against mine.

I wrapped my arms around them and sniffled into their neck.

”You never know the value of a memory till it’s the last thing you remember..”

I whispered letting out all my pain and all my sorrow…6 years of holding back, holding out and holding my own life hostage.

Soon my breathing calmed down, my chest felt lighter ano my world was warmer But unfortunately after a few minutes my companion began to wiggle away and even yelled in my ear before I let them go to wipe my eyes, smiling.

“Thanks for the-“

I began to say but did get far as they Hopped off my lap and on to the sand…In disb I watched the gray colored dodo Bird waddle off into the sunset While the other creatures, even the bronto stared at me with pity in their eyes.

I shouldn’t have been surprised by the dodo’s reaction…I was a messy and emotional human while he was well a dodo Bird.

somwtimes it sucked being the only human in a dinosaur filled world.

i frowned before clearing my throat and took a sip of my Thornberry juice, the. I sighed.

”good talk…good talk.”