THE PARTY CRASHER

         The road that carried Rita to and from her job stretched a

winding thirty miles. It was beautiful most of the year, but could

often be treacherous during the winter months.

         Rita’s job was at Glens Falls Hospital in northern New York

State. This hospital served the local city as well as a large

parameter of surrounding territory, to include West Paulet,

Vermont.

         Rita lived with her husband in a modest home in West

Paulet, Vermont.

         Over the years, many would ask her about her long commute

to her job. Her standard response was:

         “Most people in the big cities easily spend at least twice the

amount of time in the commute to their jobs. They are on

subways, crowded buses, in their cars, packed like sardines on

crowded highways, horns honking, for the duration of their

journey. I am in the comfort of my own car, listening to my own

music for a simple thirty-minute drive. So, who’s the idiot?”

         “How was your drive this morning?” Rick asked.

         Rita began removing her “winter insulation.”

         “Not bad this morning, Rick,” Rita replied. “Just took it slow.

There was a little ice with a little slipping and sliding. Drove at a

steady, but slower pace. Last Tuesday was rough, though. There

was a lot of ice. It took me almost an hour!”

         Yes, winter was somewhat problematic. However, she was in

very comfortable surroundings as she travelled en route.

         Rita worked in the hospital’s business office. She dressed

nicely each day to demonstrate professionalism and pride in her

position. Rita exuded confidence and carried herself with style.

Her activities during her workday at the hospital differed greatly

from those at her home in West Paulet.

         West Paulet was a small town compared to the small city of

Glens Falls.

         Rita’s daily activities differed from those of her husband, as

well. While Rita drove to her workplace, Rick walked to his. Rita

drove in the comfort of her warm car. Rick walked the six streets

to the car shop. Rita was dressed nicely in a warm office, and

mostly sitting at her desk. Rick worked in dirty jeans and a thermal

sweatshirt in the auto garage and was often lying on his back. It

gets mighty cold in Vermont during the winter!

         Rick grew up in West Paulet. He barely graduated from West

Paulet High School. His life’s ambition was to become a successful

car mechanic. He had done just that! He looked forward to

managing his own shop down the line.

         Northern New York State and Vermont are sparsely

populated areas, home to various wild animals roaming the

landscape. Deer are most common. Bears, foxes, beavers,

and skunks are also ubiquitous in the area. A moose is spotted

occasionally crossing a road. One year, the newspaper had a long

article about a Bigfoot that was not only spotted, but had chased

two police officers from their patrol car while on duty! It was in

New York, but just outside of West Paulet.

         “Rita,” Rick would often remind. “When it is dark, please

drive the road slowly. There are a bunch of critters out there. If

something runs out in your path, just hit it. Do not veer off the

road to hit a tree. Got it?”

         “Got it,” Rita always replied

         The auto mechanic knows best.

         On one of those reminder advisories, Rita offered, “Nancy,

my coworker, had a mouse run across her foot while she was

driving into work. It just hopped off the brake pedal!

         “That sounds ridiculous,” Rick smiled. “How would a mouse

get into a car?”

         “Animals have a way of getting into all sorts of places,” Rita

explained “Some people have problems with raccoons on their

roof or in the attic, and squirrels, as well. El Paso has bobcats

coming out a night, and tarantulas, too. Alligators are eating

people’s pets in Miami. I have a friend that found a snake in her

laundry room!” Rita said seriously. “Children in Japan even have

pet cockroaches!”

         “Well,” Rick said. “If you see a Bigfoot hitch-hiking, promise

me you won’t pick him “up. OK?”

         “But, what if he’s a good-looking Bigfoot?” Rita kidded.

         “Well, then, what the hell! By all means pick him up!” Rick

suggested. “You can both grab a bite at Denny’s when you get in to

town!”  

         Their friends would tell you that they were an odd match.

Rita and Rick were not at all alike. Yet, they seemed to fit together

like two connecting pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Each seemed to

complete each other. They each seemed secure and comfortable.

But they really were different persons! It is commonly said that

opposites attract. He was her ying and she was his yang.

         The Superbowl was looming in the near distance, just a few

days away.

         “Rick, I’m going to make a trip into town on Sunday morning

to get groceries. Make a list for me of what you need for your

party,” Rita stated. “Make out your list and check it twice!”

         “Promise I won’t be naughty, but only nice,” Rick typically

responded.

         “How many will be here?” Rita asked

         “Randy, Joan, Bruce, Darren and us. So, it will be just the six

of us” Rick said with reasonable certainty. “But who knows . . .?”

         “Then, I’ll get the grub, if you mend that broken cabinet

door?” Rita offered. “Clean up some, too.”

         “Agreed”, Rick said without hesitation.

         They did complement each other well.

         The Superbowl would begin very late in the afternoon. Rita

expected to be back well before that. The roads had some snow

and ice, but slow travel on a Sunday afternoon should not be a

problem.

         It wasn’t.

         Rita arrived back with time to spare before the start of the

big game. But apparently there was some other sort of game in

progress. The front door to the house was wide open? This did

not fit well for what was on the kitchen calendar!

         Rita saw Bruce’s car and realized he was already here. But

what was going on?

         As Rita approached the front door, there was some yelling

and screaming. She could see disarranged furniture scattered

about and a shattered vase on the floor. Cheese doodles

decorated the floor along the west wall. Four beer bottles were on

the large table, two empty and two half-full. Maybe this indicated

a positive outcome to whatever this game was?

         Rita stood in the doorway and observed the mayhem.

Clancy, their Boston Terrier, was running around and was

obviously confused.

         “What the hell is . . . ?” Rita remarked.

         “I think we have it cornered behind the lounge chair. I’ll bet

it’s as worn out as we are! Rita, leave the door open and move out

of the doorway. Rick and I are going to try to chase it out the door

again. We’ve already tried four times,” Bruce explained.

         Bruce pulled the chair out of the corner. There it was! It was

a big one! Rick jumped up onto the sofa as Bruce tried to get the

scared, exhausted rat to move off toward the open door.

         The big rat just stood in the corner, stunned.

         “You guys are pathetic,” Rita stated with obvious irritation.

“Get off the sofa, Rick. You shouldn’t stand on the sofa with your

shoes on!”

         Rita marched herself over to the rat.

Clancy ran toward the rat, barking with apparent authority, as

she always did when in the midst of a critter.  

         The rat sensed that something was about to happen. Maybe

this pretty lady was going to help it get out of this jam?

         Rita stopped in front of the rat and with a quick swoop of the

arm grabbed the rat by its large, thick tail. Fearless, with the rat

dangling calmly from her hand, she walked to the open front door.

         Bruce’s jaw dropped.

         Rick jumped back up on the sofa.

         “You big baby!” Rita said with disgust as she passed Rick,

smacking his rear end as she passed.

         Clancy, now very confused, ran over to the sofa, jumped up

and bit Rick on his butt! Then, she just hung on, swaying back and

forth.  

         Upon reaching the front door, Rita flung the grateful rat out

of the house as far as she could. Rita walked straight to the sink

for a good hand washing. She had saved the day for all.

         Rick was screaming like a little girl. Clancy released her grip

and ran to the front door, barking bravely from a distance.

         “I suggest you both get started with straightening this room

out. Your big game will be starting in about an hour. Bruce, come

help me bring the groceries in from the car. You boys can’t

possibly watch football without your party snacks,” Rita kidded.

         Rita then sat down to relax for a few minutes to puff on her

new cigar.

         “Thanks, Hun,” Rick said. “How about a beer?”

         “You have blood stains on your pants, Rick,” Rita observed.

“I’m relaxing, so go have Bruce put a band-aid on your butt and

change your pants. I do not want blood on the furniture!”

         “Hey, Bruce,” Rick summoned, “I need a small favor, bud , , .”