African American Fiction Funny

"I'll start this off simple: I'm not spoiled.

"Sure, that sentence in itself sounds entirely selfish, but there's more to me than meets the eye. I'm kind, I'm sweet, and I am considered a nerd by most cute girls. Just because I was born into a very fortunate family doesn't mean I'm some spoon-fed child.

"And I'm not bratty. I ask for what I want, if I don't get it then that's fine. Usually, I don't have to deal with that. I can pay someone, anyone, to do it for me. Either way, I'm in my early twenties, for Christ's sake. I'm not incapable. On a consistent schedule, though, people say yes because I'm me. I'm charming, I'm polite and dedicated, all the girls want me... and yet I have this problem. It's very minute, nothing extremely serious-- Who am I kidding, It's incredibly serious. In my life, I've been able to get all the girls; the teens in my high school years, the women in my adult life. A lot of women. And now there's this one young woman who just can't seem to understand that I want her.

"It's an issue.

"I've never liked a girl for more than a month at most, I get bored quickly with the hugs and the flowers and the whining, because trust me, there's a great deal of whining. A few have been wholly annoying and mentally taxing. Those end in less than a month. But this one girl... she just can't get with it! It's not like I'm shunning her, I try to be around her as much as I can, but she just keeps resisting! Don't get me wrong, I love a good fight. Girls who play hard to get? Delicious. I've always had a thing for the resisters. But she's just not getting it! I'm practically flinging myself and my dignity at her.

"You're probably wondering how we met. It was simple, I suppose. I was going up to the rooftop to water the plants. Mrs. Owens can't make it all the way up here anymore, and no one wants to go through the trouble of gathering her oxygen tank so she can roll to the elevator. Nevertheless, that's what I was doing. I had already made it up there, and the rooftop door was locked. That's not normal, in case you were wondering. I wouldn't expect you to understand, you don't ever leave my penthouse. So I started knocking on it, hoping someone was up there, and the door opened.

"Of course, there she was. The sun was setting behind her, the light sifting through her hair like flour. Her skin was set ablaze, turning a golden color. I really was rapt in her wake, I could barely blink, I was so fascinated. So you can imagine that it was very embarrassing for me when she cleared her throat to confess that I was staring like an old man who hadn't seen a woman in decades.

"In my defense, she's alluring in the way that the sunset was that night. She's is the stars and the moon, the sun and the clouds. Looking at her is like being jolted awake. You can't mistake it for anything.

"In her wake, still so intrigued, might I add, I tried to tell her my name, but then her phone rang. She just nudged past me, her golden retriever behind her. By the way, she smells like honey. I'm sure you don't care, but it was truly a sight. And a scent. I wonder where she gets it from.

"She's gorgeous, in case you couldn't tell from the previous. That makes it worth it. Plus, it's part of what drew me to her. She's got this rich chocolate skin, a perfect mix between light and dark. Her eyes, oh those eyes, are the most beautiful deep brown I've ever seen. She's got these plump lips too, lips that look so soft I'm sure I could take a nap on them. She's exceedingly smart, intuitive, honest and easy to hold a conversation with. Just my type! Which is saying something, because I don't have a type. I like girls, and I'm not going to push away my chances if I don't have to.

"See, women always like me. I'll repeat that as many times as necessary. I'm not a bad looking guy. Brown skin, brown eyes, sharp jawline, abs, the things most people look for. Decidedly hot. And I'm rich. Seriously, it seems to be the deal with most of these women. I never keep any of them, if I'm honest with myself. But I like to have them around, they're good to talk to, to hang out with, have fun with. And then they're gone and it's on to the next. I'm not cruel. I just... have a hard time staying in love with people. Or at the very least, staying content with their company

"But when I remember her...

"I push away every single girl that's coming my way. She's the one I have my eye on, she's the prize. So whenever I see her, most of the time it's at the mall or in the park. I noticed that she really loves sitting on the rooftop with her dog.

"She's heavenly. I've seen dazzling women before, but she's so much more. She's ethereal, honestly. And lots of women normally come with me simply because... I mean, look at me! I'm attractive, I'm wealthy, I've got a nice home and a set future. But when she looks at me, she reads my soul. Maybe that's me being dramatic, but she's all I want. I know I would love to spend all my time with her, talking to her in the late hours of the night or even just watching her go about her day.

"She's got me going up to the roof twice a day, hoping to find her reading next to the ferns with whatever book she's got this time. On the rare occasion that I do, I sit up there for hours to just watch the sunset with her. She's always in the same spot, back pressed up against the door, and I, in a chair about twenty feet away. I can't go closer, I can't back away. It's an in between situation. She's the only person that has ever made my hands sweat, and I don't even know her name yet. No one makes me sweat, no one. Yet, this lovely young woman can walk into a room and have me melt into liquid, just a mess. It's not normal.

"I'm not used to this. Women fall at my feet, they fawn at the sight of me! And to have this one person resist my charms... it's humbling. I don't know. I can't get her off my mind. It's been four months. Four! Something about her is just... This girl is making me insane. What's really getting me is that no amount of money can get her to love me. Or, at worst, think of me as a friend. So I'm keeping myself off, forcing myself to do no more than wave to her.

"I've been in this process of denying myself and trying not to come on too strong to a person who has no remote sense of attraction to me for the past four months. I've been slowly killing myself by not know how this ends for four months. Despite doing my very best to impress her, she still shows no interest. Not a bit. She's not woo-ed by my displays, but it's so refreshing. Even the old ladies on the third floor can tell how far I fell for her. Mrs. Owens included. When I stop by to say hello, they begin chattering in that old lady fashion, their dentures and gum smacking together. They tell me a fish doesn't fit in every part of the ocean. Whatever that means. If it's the casual 'there's other fish in the sea' quote, it's not helping. I know there are other fish, but I want her to be my fish.

"At the end of the day, I can't force her hand, but this mouse chase is making me crazy! I think I've always been crazy, yeah? I mean, I'm talking to you. Heh... Ugh, I don't know why this is happening. I'm gonna go... eat a burrito or something along those lines. Food helps me relax. It's not like I can go to the rooftop anyway, the old ladies say she's on a trip.

"Thanks for listening, Alexa."

"No problem, Lewis."

August 16, 2022 22:07

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Aster Green
02:45 Aug 23, 2022

Oh my gosh, I laughed so hard at the end! This is a great story, very well-written. I liked how the character was saying he wasn't spoiled, but all the while convincing us otherwise with his words and actions. And the ending is very funny and original. I enjoyed reading this, keep up the great work! 😄👍


Kaitlyn M.
01:33 Aug 24, 2022

Thanks! :)


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Nandini Panchal.
03:27 Sep 04, 2022

Wow! What a story! You've really used irony and sarcasm right! The main character is so funny and his words just show how spoiled and ignorant he is! But the best part was the ending!😂😂 Keep up the work: it's wonderful.


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Melissa Taylor
21:58 Aug 24, 2022

Ha! Bless his spoiled heart. I loved the ending, no one to listen to his BS but Alexa. Well done!


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