alone doesn't accommodate two

The clocks ticking and the world doesn't seem to be ending anytime soon. This exam ends in 15 minutes just enough to cheat my way and pass but not enough for me to let my ego down and risk showing a 'flaw'? nuh-uh, not today, not ever.

If there's anything I'll be admitting to today is the very simple fact I've been able to keep secret from the world till now and it's that I'm bad at math. and it just so happens that something like that doesn't really play in your favor when you have 12 minutes to pass a math test that determines whether you'll pass the year or not.

It also just so happens that my lovely boyfriend stupid but oh so genius in math ex-boyfriend is sitting right in front of me like every exam we ever write because his name starts with R and mine starts with T( yes I'm clearly aware of the alphabets try not to pass any judgment) and we have no one with the name starting with S in our class. but we have just broken up and I've already made up my mind about telling my mother about the breakup which basically means that there is no going back from here. Well he's the reason my dumbness when it comes to math hasn't been showcased to the world is that because he's helped me through exams no matter how strict the invigilator maybe he's taken all risks just to make me pass and ilovehimsomuch he can keep his answers and bug-like handwriting with him.

5 minutes for the exam to end and I've already consoled myself, solved the geometry questions (that's all I know), and have already mentally made the list of things I can do in the comfort of my room after I get grounded. In the middle of my amazing TEDx speech, I'm interrupted back into reality with the "pens down everybody" and just like that the paper that is barely heavy with the ink of pen is taken away from me, I'm sure if only the teacher knew how bad I've messed up she would've just given the answer sheet back to me and told me all the answers herself but that's wishful think, I shed one singular tear and ran out of the classroom straight to the washroom to pee.

On my way out into the corridor, I see Ryan (the math whiz ex-bf) looking as restless as ever as he's being held 'hostage' (as he calls it) by an extrovert who never talked to him but really wants to know the answers to the questions so he can calculate whether he's passing or not ( lucky, I don't have much I can calculate not that I could even if I wanted to). He looks so miserable like he's being punished just then he looks right at me and makes a face only I can decipher as I was the only one who would drag him from these awkward (for him) convos, every time. Just for the record, I'm still willing to shoot my "holy smokes that party at the Smiths! it's in an hour ohmygod RYANNN please drop me there! its URGENT" and then without waiting for his answer I could grab him by his wrist and run to the exit, only if he makes the first move and waves at me(that's the cue for me to butt in and save him) I even give him a buffer period by fake pretending to tie my shoelaces all while maintaining direct eye contact with him but as I straighten up he's broken the eye contact, we don't break eye contact in a crisis, ever. And with that, I left his clearly uncomfortable ass with him and my amazing acting skills with me.

I reached home to my very eager mom who's well aware of my mathematical skills waiting in my room for a 'review' of the test to which without wanting to lie much I said "failing to say the least but won't get a 0 to say the most" and she left the room after telling me I was grounded for a week. so like any rational person, I put down on paper the mental list I had made during the test about the tasks I had to do when I inevitably got grounded.

Top on the list was loathing Ryan and his stupid egoistic ass and wish to never see him again but what I forgot to add was that Ryan is my neighbor I can see him from the window and he can see me too the only difference is I have curtains and he does not. why you might ask, Its because we were so in love that he decided in a case of emergency we couldn't risk having curtains block us and I being a girl didn't get the liberty of having no curtains so he volunteered to get them taken down and ill keep mine uncovered whenever I can.

No. 2 on the list was to learn the guitar I ordered to surprise him and then have him teach me. The guitar came in the day we broke up (a week back), perfect timing. I picked that unfamiliar instrument up and strum I did a little too aggressively causing one of the High E string to pop off, 'great!' i thought and then went to bed as it was just 4 pm and I couldn't take any more 'L's'.

I woke up at around 8 pm to see Ryans room illuminated in the yellow glow of the 4 lamps he placed strategically around his room because he didn't like it when lights were on roofs or walls, but I couldn't see Ryan and that for some reason induced in me a response of tears welling up in my eyes.

why did we break up, what were we thinking and what the fuck does "life's too much right now I need to be alone" even mean?

why would I agree to such a thing? ever? I need him.

After a long crying session, I saw Ryan walk into his room wearing the hoodie I got him that says "don't talk to me unless you see me with a girl shoulder length to me with short hair and a mole on her right cheek" he moved over to his study table and he looked as if he just cried and it hit me that Ryan cries in the bathroom and that's probably where he was. I could tell he wasn't okay and I really wanted to rush to his house, hug his mom at the door, greet his dad on my way to his room and just be there for him.

But alone doesn't accommodate 2 people.

Ryan looked towards my window and well caught me snooping while also ugly crying, after seeing me he got up walked towards the window and so did I now we were facing each other with nothing between us other than our windows and egos.

we stood there looking each other in the eye when Ryan moved even closer and waved.

I told you at the start of this story that the only thing I'll admit to in this story is that I'm bad at math but I hate to break it to you but I also admit to loving this guy in a world without words as long as he remembers to waves but keep this between us.