The Rat's Seat

The Rat's Seat

Suzanne Marsh

The year 1963, Suzanne versus the nuns finally had its triumph. It took a while to devise the plan. Then it took a while to convince my best friend Judy that we wouldn't get into any trouble since no one would know who did it. Did what you may ask? Stuck a white Guinea Pig named Silverwood, added a tail, and left him on Sister Mary Regina's seat. It was perfectly planned and executed, or so we thought.

Sister Mary Regina and I never hit it off so to speak. I didn't like her and she didn't like me. I found out why. Dad and mom went to a parent teacher conference, and dad remembered her. He told me when they got home from the conference that she was my babysitter. As dad was telling me, I sort of remembered her, I also remembered kicking her in the shins. I thought nuns were supposed to forgive and forget, not that one. At least now I knew why she had been so nasty toward me.

Judy was lucky she never had Sister Mary Regina as a teacher, but several people she knew did. I told Judy what I had in mind. She gave me one of those 'oh here we go again' looks. I had to do a great deal of talking to convince her that it would not be as bad as she thought. Actually, it was quite simple. We sneak into the school, put Silverwood on her chair, she would scream and we would have a good laugh. The principal, Sister Mary John, was a very strict nun but fair. I just hoped she would see the humor in this. After all, we were doing this on our time not school time.

Both my parents worked so I was pretty much left to my own devices, in my case not the smartest idea in the world. I was graduating in little more than a month, so I really had to study. I had no intention of failing and another year with that nun. Judy, thought that I might just forget about the whole thing. Right? Wrong! I did not forget, but timing would mean a great deal, like the last day of school. Summer vacation then I would be going to Mount Saint Mary's Academy, so she couldn't really do anything to me.

I waited patiently for the day to come. In the mean time I put my energy into running track. I was on the relay team, which meant I got out of school to practice. Evidently, Father Richards had a talk with Sister Mary Regina, I was on the team and that was the end of it. We had a good chance to beat St. John's that year. Although our track uniforms were a hideous color of maroon and white. It made no difference to me. I was free of sister for an entire day, now that made a difference.

The week before eighth grade graduation, my mom was frantically making my dress. I was plotting my revenge on Sister Mary Regina. I did a little recon and discovered the nuns would be at school throughout the day. It was perfect. Judy and I could come home, change our clothes. We wore navy blue jumpers and white cotton blouses, with a beanie that had a gold tassel on top. I hated that thing with a passion. However they were part of the uniform, we wore them whether we wanted to not. No free will anything.

It was one of those beautiful sunny June mornings in Buffalo. It was going to be a great day, I could tell. Father Richards arrived shortly after ten in the morning to give out report cards. I kept my fingers crossed that I did not bungle any of the June exams. Judy, had listened to my spelling just before I took the test. We weren't just neighbors but friends.

Father called my name and I went up to receive my report card. He sort of smiled as he handed it to me. I couldn't figure out what he was smiling about until I looked at the report card. Somehow I had managed all nineties. That must have made Sister madder than a hornet, however she would be much angrier by the end of the day.

Judy and I walked home. She asked me how I had done, knowing my past record. I either passed everything in January or June depending on when I studied harder. I told her, that I had all nineties. We walked the four blocks home. I ran inside. I changed quickly. Lunch was on my agenda. Then I went to catch Silverwood. He was the only Guinea Pig that would bite. He couldn't really open his mouth wide enough it was more a pinch. Judy arrived about twelve thirty. I held Silverwood as she put the cotton tail on with scotch tape.

We walked back to school. Keeping out of sight of other students leaving. Grades fifth through eighth were in the main building. That building used to be the church until they built the temporary new one. It was a red brick, it always reminded me of an old west jail. I had Silverwood hidden in my shirt. So far so good. The nuns were at lunch. We very slowly crept into the classroom of my tormentor. Judy pulled out the chair. I placed Silverwood in the middle, knowing it was too high for him to get off.

We waited in the classroom next door. Visiting with Sister St. Thomas, she was my favorite eighth grade teacher. Sister St. Thomas asked where I would be going to school next year. I told her that I had been accepted by Mount Saint Mary's which also was the Mother House of the order. Finally Sister Mary Regina returned to the classroom. Her arms full of papers. She pulled out her chair, went to sit down. Then came the scream that caused Sister St. Thomas to run next door. We followed. Judy began to grin, I gave her poke in the ribs.

Sister Mary Regina, somehow had gotten onto the desk, Silverwood was shrieking at the top of his lungs. He was scared. I quickly snatched him up. Judy and I began our escape. Sister Mary Regina, never one to be deterred followed in hot pursuit. Father Richards, who just happened to be in the building caught us at the bottom of the stairs. Sister Mary Regina, out of breath began:

“That one, that one, do you have any idea what she did this time?”

Father once again hid his smirk as he watched Sister turn a strange shade of red almost purple.

“No sister, perhaps you would like to tell me.”

“Oh you bet your cassock I do. That one, she placed that rat on my chair.”

That did it, poor Father Richards began to laugh so hard, he had tears rolling down his cheeks.

I graduated that night much to the nun's relief, however my adventures at Mount Saint Mary made this one look like a walk in the park.