58 comments

Contemporary Fiction Funny

Oh boy, today’s gonna be great! Mama and Papa planned a nice trip for us to the big city of San Fracisco. I know there’s an “n” in there somewhere, but I always forget where. Anyways, it’s for my birthday. I’m gonna be four! One, two, fwee, now four. See my fingers?


Jack from preschool told me his family went and it was awesome! He said it was just like in the movie Inside Out, which we both love and have watched lots of times. My Auntie Mel lives down there and she promised to show us all the cool spots. We live in Oregon where it rains a lot, so I’m happy for some sunshine. Papa says the weather is s’posed to be good after the early morning. I guess the marines need to burn off their layers first and that takes time.


First, we go to the big owange bridge. Gold Something. I don’t know why they call it Gold because it’s for sure owange when I look at it. We were going to walk across it, but it’s much longer than you think from the movies. It’s a lot taller too, like a castle with wires. Auntie Mel told me people walk across those wires sometimes, which I fought was crazy! That’s something Spiderman would do, so they must be superheroes. Someday I wanna try it.


Next, we take a boat to some old island jail. I can’t say the name right, but it has a cut in it and raz, like raspberry. Now I’m hungry and tap on Mama’s leg. She tells me she didn’t pack raspberries for snacks this time, so that’s a bummer. I munched on some trail mix instead. It’s the one with N-N-Ems and those are better than raspberries anyways. I’m bored and hope we leave soon. There are no prisoners in this jail anymore and it’s cold in here.


My tummy got sick on the way back, so instead of lunch right now, we are going to a park to play for a bit. I heard Papa say something to Auntie Mel about some paint on ladies, but they were looking at colorful houses. There are a lot of people here, so I guess they saw one of those statue-people you give money to for standing very still. What happens when they have to sneeze?


Whew, the streets here are like mountains. They’re fun to run down while Mama chases me saying, Careful baby! Don’t fall! She doesn’t know how good I am with my balance now. I used to fall a lot and run into fings when I was a baby. Now that I’m four, I don’t do that anymore. Walking back up was hard, so I had Papa carry me. He was huffin’ and puffin’, but he never whined like I was doing before he picked me up.


We took a weird road on the way to lunch. It was all squiggly. I don’t know why they made it like that when they could’ve made it straight, but the adults thought it was cool. Now, we are walking on some fishing guy’s wharf. I like that word. It’s like war for dogs. My parents got some fishy soup in a bowl made of bread. Yuck! I’m glad they had some cheesy mac here for me. The bread is tasty though without the soup on it.


For dessert, we went to this place where they make chocolate! It has an Italian name I can’t say good. Mama says if I growl like a lion, then say deli like where you get sandwiches, I’ll be close. There are so many flavors to choose from I start grabbing them all. Papa catches me and tells me I only get four to match my age. He says I need to learn some self-control, but it’s hard cuz they’re all wrapped in such pretty colors! I chose a gold one, a blue one, a purple one cuz that’s my favorite color and an owange one. They were all so yummy, but now my tummy hurts again. I guess Papa was right after all.


After a quick coffee stop for the adults (it tastes yucky to me), we got on a trolley! We are going to a baseball game and Auntie says this is easier than driving there in our car. It’s the best cuz I don’t have to sit in a booster seat or wear a seat belt. Instead, Mama and Papa hold my hands as we bounce along. There are a lot of people on here, so it’s a bit squished. At least the ride isn’t too long.


When we got there, Papa told me there would be giants playing. I couldn’t believe it cuz I fought they were all gone, but now we get to see them play baseball! Our seats are up high where people get bloody noses. I hope my nose doesn’t bleed or I’ll cry. The giants look the same size as the other team, like normal guys. Maybe it’s cuz we’re sitting so far away.


A man comes by selling all kinds of goodies. Popcorn, peanuts, nachos, soda, hotdogs, COTTON CANDY, and root beer. I don’t like hotdogs, so I asked for popcorn, a root beer, and of course cotton candy. Mama said it isn’t root beer they're selling, so I would have to order a different drink. I got a Pepsi instead which isn’t as good as root beer, but still pretty good.


I fell asleep halfway frew the game. Baseball takes a long time and there’s not always much to watch for a little kid. They did get me a foam finger though and I wore it back to Auntie Mel’s house. It’s owange, my other favorite color. My body feels heavy and it’s getting harder to keep my eyes open now. Today really was the perfect birthday.


Well, it would have been had Papa not taken that turn too fast in the rain on the way down there.

December 26, 2023 06:46

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58 comments

Jack Kimball
15:26 Dec 26, 2023

You’re such a dad, J.D. Great voice, but the subtext shines, saying how much you enjoyed writing this. Fun read, having years ago taken my family, kids whining, to San Fracisco.

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J. D. Lair
18:50 Dec 26, 2023

Haha thanks Jack! I will admit some of the lingo was inspired by my children. :) It was enjoyable to write and I was giddy at a lot of the young imagery the MC came up with lol. Thanks for reading and the kind comment as always Jack. I’ll pop over to your page soon. 👍🏻

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Unknown User
02:15 Jan 01, 2024

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J. D. Lair
04:38 Jan 01, 2024

Oh no! Sorry to do you dirty like that John. 😅

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Unknown User
23:49 Jan 01, 2024

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