To live means to love

I feel like most of the people today prefer crowds,loud music and having fun while drinking tons of alchohol. But not me. I prefer silence. I prefer to listen to the sound of the waves at night and I love to spend the nights on the beach. But more than anything I loved Lisa which was literally the person that I couldn’t imagine my life without. She knew that I loved to sail with my boat from time to time so she insisted on coming with me one day. I was planning to propose to her anyway and this seemed like the perfect way to do it.

So we went deep into the ocean that day but a storm caught us unprepared, Lisa hit her head and fell into the water. I jumped into the water right after her but I could never find her, it was dark and I couldn’t see anything. I lost her that day and with her I lost the bigger part of myself and then my home became my prison. I remember how I stood there the day after, watching the sunset on the beach and I was talking to the ocean-the one that used to be my second biggest love:

“You loved me so much that you had to take her so you could only have me for yourself?”

I never got an answer… That was the last sunset that I watched there. I used to watch them every day with Lisa and that will always send me back to her. Before I left I wrote a letter to her. Short but with everything I didn’t have the chance to say:

‘’I know this will never really reach you but I still have that hope inside me even though I know you’re gone. Like when you’re expecting something that you know would never happen but still, hope is the reason we live. We expect more, something better. You gave me more than I deserved and less that I ever expected. My love for you goes deep in my heart… deeper than the ocean is.’’

I put the letter in a bottle together with the proposal ring and threw it into the ocean. I left right after that no matter how hard was it.

 I moved to small town near the ocean again and I remember that I cried the first night there because I had missed the sunset. For the last 5 years I hadn’t missed a single one with Lisa and so this had an enormous effect on me. I eventually fell asleep which was the only way for me to end the grief. The reason why I wanted to be close to the ocean was because Lisa died in it and I felt I could talk to her somehow, through it and I did, every night. I would go every night and I would throw a letter in a bottle in the ocean. I was telling her about my days that way. She was the only person that I would share anything with.

I started work, nothing special, just a cashier, I had savings for the first few months from my last job back in home and I knew that I would probably have to find another one soon. After I few months a job offer, for a life saver at the beach, came out and even though I didn’t love the water anymore I needed money, even though it was only for the summer I would figure something else out after that. I was sure inside me that she was in the water, somewhere, and wouldn’t let me die. I felt completely safe to be honest.

The summer was coming to an end and one day while I was watching the sunset as always I saw a bottle ,with a letter inside, on the beach. I picked up and I though that one of those that I throw every night must have come back but when I swung my arm to throw it I heard a sound from something inside. I opened it and found the proposal ring inside. I was not possible for it to reach me since this wasn’t the ocean I had thrown it in so I thought that it must have been a crazy coincidence. Then I opened the letter and it was my letter… my letter. And on the bottom it said:

‘’If you wonder what my answer would have been, it would be ‘’yes’’. I love you’’

For a second I thought that Lisa could be alive and even though I knew this was ,for sure, not the case and I’m either delusional or just going crazy, I had to, I really had to go back home and it couldn’t wait. I literally took the next flight on the morning after and then the bus from the airport to my hometown. I remember that the driver was going really fast even though we were travelling at night and then I saw two bright light from the car in front of us and then came closer and closer, our driver lost control and everything went black.

To be honest I didn’t even have the time to think of the fact that I would die. I was happy because I knew that what I’m doing right now is for her. Even my last breath, my last thought would be that I did it for her. I never knew how crazy might a real love drive you but then I understood, for less than a second I was free again because I was trying to reach that love again. Then the car hit us and I woke up…

Lisa was standing above me on the beach, crying and then she saw that I had opened my eyes and was more that relieved:

‘’Oh, thank God you’re ok, I thought I had lost you…’’

‘’Uhm, what happened?’’- I asked not even sure that I was there because this didn’t make any sense.

‘’We were sailing and the storm caught us and you hit your head and almost drowned.’’

At first I believed her and I wanted this to be true really bad but then I realized that she lied to protect me from the truth. I died that day in that bus. I was either too crazy to imagine that there was actually something in the letter or it was just her response from Heaven. We are both in Heaven right now and if you are reading this it means you are somewhere on the beach and you found it in the bottle that I put it in and threw it in the ocean after I died. There is a connection between Heaven and Earth and right now you are reading the proof about this. After you read it, put it back in the bottle and throw it back in the ocean so it could give hope to someone else, somewhere there. Someone that has lost hope about life, someone who is lonely, sad, or sick,only having few months left. That is what love is all about isn’t it? About giving hope…