Plan B No. 2

The street had been covered by an awful mass of tendrils and claws, eyes sprouted from the walls of nearby buildings, hands burst forth to grip random objects and ankles, and jaws filled with rows upon rows of rotating teeth opened up in the ground. Upon seeing these sights, I was gripped with horror that I can't even begin to describe. Not an ideal Wednesday.

I hid behind a dumpster, terrified to the point of stupidity.

Out of a random alley (that will remain intact for the duration of this attack), I saw a man in a bright red suit walk into view.

The eldritch horror had morphed into something slightly more human, and yet not so, as it roared to random car alarms and people in an incomprehensible language that only the insane could decipher. Its hands scraped the pavement and left trenches filled with apparently sinking dust, wherever its feet strode, horrible abominations sprouted, and its face was simply a mass of raw flesh and eyes.

With blinding speed, it whipped around, its ugly visage listening to the words of...

A really cheesy rock song coming from a boombox at someone's feet.

The red guy's feet. He decisively cleared his throat, as if something like that could ever sound decisive.

"Have you ever heard of a videogame "boss theme?"

He questioned, seemingly disinterested in the abomination directly in front of him.

And the mass responded, naturally, by slamming its fist onto the man's hatted head with breakneck speed and accuracy.

Surprisingly, said fist was unable to touch the tarmac, and as the dust cleared, anyone watching could see why.

The man had blocked the fist with a single arm, and, looking up, he rolled his eyes.

"Oh no; you wouldn't even know what a "videogame" even is; your age is rotting your brain too, huh?"

The creature seemed to take offence, although the only way you could tell is if you actually counted how many blows it tried to land on that red suit, at least after that remark. Don't actually do that; I tried back then.

Each strike, with claws, hands, or tentacles, never hit its mark; the man seemed to have mastered the art of Dodging Things Really Damn Fast.

He sighed slightly, and yet it carried enough weight to be heard across the block.

"So this is what the Old Gods have become."

As if he had stopped time, he drew his right hand from his pocket and curled it into a fist.

He held it up, and though it looked hilariously absurd, I was washed with a sense of ease.

I saw the man's mouth move, and yet I heard his words only a moment after.

"God, you smell bad."

A blinding flash of light tore through the city and didn't disperse; it only rippled outwards, seemingly infinite. When it had left the street, I stepped timidly out of my hiding spot. The horrific thing had disappeared, but its traces lingered heavily.

It looked (and smelled) disgusting.

The man in red noticed the bystanders looking, baffled and terrified, and he scoffed. "Coast's clear, buckos. Scram."

I saw most of them run away, probably with no destination in mind.

"You're not running with them?"

I whipped around to see if my ears were tricking me. They weren't.

He was standing over my crouched self, leaning onto a wall and plugging his nose.

"Wow, you really decided to hide behind a dumpster, huh?"

I didn't even acknowledge it. More than fear, I had been overwhelmed by a sense of awe. The spectacle was a display of magic stronger than anything I or anyone else had practised; it seemed to rival the divine in its own right.

"So you think that was pretty awesome right?"

"Wha-"

"I know, I'm pretty cool."

"Who even are you?" I was able to find my voice. "What was THAT?"

He bit his lip. "Ah, that was an Old God. They've been popping up around the city lately. Most people forget what they see soon after because of mind tricks of dead gods and stuff."

He peered closely at me. "Although, you haven't forgotten anything... weird."

Being able to remember a tentacle monster's presence wasn't really my concern. What was my concern lay in the fact that-

"OLD GOD??!" My vocal cords felt like they were shrieking, but my ears only heard a muffled and distressed sigh. "I thought they were myths!? They exist??"

He patted the air as if to calm me down. "OK, I know it's a bit much."

It was way too much. I only calmed down after a few minutes of hoarse exhaling and existentialism. The Old Gods were supposed to be wizards who had ascended into a new plane of existence. Some people worshipped them, others didn't. I was of the latter since I never believed that they existed. They had supposed control over reality itself; many events apparently transpired because of these people.

Unfortunately, seeing a giant tentacle monster with teeth for eyes and hands everywhere, and subsequently learning that it was called an Old God... That would definitely warp my notions.

Thankfully, my voice soon returned with my sanity, both miraculously still intact.

"A bit much- this is a mountain of information placed into three seconds that we glazed through with minimal effort."

"That's the point."

He pulled a pack of gum out of his pocket. "Since you don't get mind scrambled when you see those things..."

He began chewing the gum, but his words sounded perfectly clear in my ears.

"You mind following me on a trip?"

I stared at him intently. "Absolutely not. I value my life very very much."

He shrugged. "You can do magic right? You won't be totally defenceless."

"Well yeah, but."

He sighed. "Do I need to convince you-"

"Absolutely; what's in it for me?"

He pulled a small deck of cards from his pocket. "Pick a card, any card."

I rolled my eyes. "Really?" I scoffed. "A magic trick?"

"No no, you have to do it."

"Fine."

I picked a random card and expected a convoluted sequence of him guessing what it was.

Instead, the card melted in my hands, and I looked at him in disbelief.

He grinned. "Old God playing cards. They aren't really toys. They're weapons."

He flipped the entire deck back into his pocket. "Each card has a different spell attached, each spell invented by one member of the Old Gods. Clap your hands once."

I followed his instructions, albeit a little bit feverishly. I clapped three times, and three cards appeared in my hands.

"Then cast the spell as you would normally."

As soon as I put any effort into the card, it activated, turning the air into fire as it blew up the dumpster. When the flash cleared, the dumpster had disappeared.

"Ooh, teleporting fireballs." He clapped slowly. "Nice choice."

He straightened his back. "Well, time to go," he grunted, turning away from the alley. "You're coming with me."

"Where are we going?"

He turned to me as if I had said something stupid. "We're going to eat."