Contest #164 shortlist ⭐️

"William Raymond Lawson, Is That You?"

Submitted into Contest #164 in response to: Write a story in which someone returns to their hometown.... view prompt

60 comments

Drama American Coming of Age

Old Mr. Bill was long gone from this world when a neighbor finally found him, slumped in his chair with a cat curled at his feet. The poor woman didn’t expect to find him dead, though at his age, no one should've assumed he'd live much longer, but the shock of his death was nearly overshadowed by what she found in his home: an overwhelming and astonishing volume of artwork. Paintings hung on almost every square inch of the walls, some on simple canvases, others in gilded frames. They lined both sides of the hallway and the stairwell leading up to the second floor. There were even stacks of unhung paintings propped against a sofa.

Most were landscapes, scenes in sky blues and forest greens that seemed to bring the outdoors in, with one location recurring as the subject of dozens of paintings—a waterfall trickling into a river. The falls were narrow and somewhat hidden beneath an overgrowth of trees, no grandiose world wonder, but the artist made it look like an Eden. With masterful strokes, they had painted light rays cutting through the foliage to kiss the streams of water. Glistening white beads of spray rose out of the mist, like a celestial being ascending from within the falls.

Each painting was uniquely beautiful, but in the corner of every one were the same, unmistakable looping initials signed in blood red paint. 


~~~~~


Gravel crunches under my tires as I weave higher up the mountain. The thing about mountain towns is that the deeper in you go, the more it seems like Time himself got turned around and couldn’t find his way along the winding dirt roads. 

When I had driven through town, it looked a bit fresher than I remember, with new signs on storefronts and freshly paved sidewalks, but the farms and cabins along the route to my family’s property look nearly the same as they did five years ago. Besides seeing the occasional tractor in place of a horse-pulled plow, not much has changed.

My Ford bumps over dips and holes in the gravel road like it’s not sure if it was made for this kind of terrain. I pass the Martin’s place and wave to Mrs. Martin hanging her laundry on the clotheslines, but she only stares, understandably. She wouldn’t recognize my car. 

And probably doesn’t recognize me either.

For the hundredth time since pulling out onto the highway with a crisp map in the passenger’s seat, my stomach rolls and I wonder if I’m making a huge mistake.

The hill is getting steeper as I get closer, and my knuckles are stiff over the steering wheel. I recognize the Schulz’s property around the next bend, where a rusty mailbox hangs open at the road. My palms grow moist, my breathing uneven. I hurry on. I work the gas pedal lower, gaining momentum for the next steep curve, and nearly fly right past the driveway to the house. Branches hit my window as I roll in.

I leave the key in the ignition and squint through the bugged-up windshield; the house is nothing like the images from my memories. Its paint is faded, the flowerbeds are overgrown and scraggly with weeds, and moss grows along the shaded part of the house, like the entire structure is becoming part of the mountain. The old oak tree we used to play under as kids stands as strong as ever, as if five years was just a short nap. Its branches are thick with vibrant summer growth, and a rope dangles in the breeze where a tire swing once hung.

Cows graze on the edge of the hill and down in the sunlit valley where a figure walks among them with a subtle limp—his souvenir from the first war.

Papa.

My stomach rolls again and I consider backing out and driving away before anyone knows I’ve come, but before I can make up my mind, the front door opens and someone steps onto the porch.  

Mama.

Pinpricks of guilt sting my eyes. She’s aged much in the same way the house has, her skin faded and tired, and I can’t help but feel that I’ve caused it. I step out of the car and remove my hat. She shuffles down the porch steps, shielding the sun from her eyes with a wrinkled hand, and then she stops. 

Her mouth hangs open. “William Raymond Lawson, is that you?”

I clutch my hat to my chest, not sure what to do with my hands. “Yes, Mama, it’s me. I’m sorry, I should have written first.”

She stands there for a moment, staring, and I wonder if she’s heard me. Her face is void of all expression and my deepest fear bubbles to the surface; they haven’t forgiven me. I shouldn’t have come.

And then she takes a step, and another, and then throws her wiry arms around me. She is so small now, so fragile in my arms, and I’m afraid to break her, but I don’t want to let go.

She pulls away and holds my head in between both hands. “Your hair’s so short.” She chokes out the words.

I run my hand across my scalp, “I had to cut it, back when I enlisted.”

She blinks back tears. “You look just like your father did.”

My insides twist. “Papa—how is he? Is he still angry?”

Her face falls, and she looks away. “Your Papa. He took it hard, Will, harder than any of us. I won’t lie to you.” She kicks at a rock in the driveway. “Things were so difficult–with your sister, with the farm. He felt like you just abandoned us when we needed you most.”

A wave of shame washes over me and my stomach rolls like I’m caught in a tempest. I feel sick and all I want to do is run, run away, like I did all those years ago.

“You know I couldn’t stay, Mama. Every single day I had to look at her and see her pain and know there was nothing I could do to make it go away–it was torture.”

“I know,” Mama says.

“I just didn’t know what else to do, but I couldn’t stay.”

She nods her head, not looking at me. 

“I told myself when the war was over–if I made it though–I was going to come back here, come and make things right.”

Mama squeezes my hand and smiles, lips tight. 

“Mama, what about Elsie? How is–is she—”

Mama squeezes my hand. “Would you like to come in and say hello?”


~~~~~


They say you don’t appreciate what you have until it’s gone. Growing up here, I was surrounded by beauty, and until I left home, I never knew how different life could be, how in big cities, people lived stacked on top of one another like building blocks with barely a window to let in the sunlight—a patch of communal grass for a backyard.

For us—Elsie and me—the world was our backyard. We’d come home after school and kick our shoes off on the porch. Papa would call from the barn, “just look after your sister, Will,” as we disappeared into the woods. In the summer, we’d spend nearly every day at the river, sunbathing like turtles on big rocks or fishing from the riverbank with chunks of spam on our hooks. And if you followed the river upstream, about a mile’s hike from our property, there was a beautiful waterfall we claimed as our own.

When it rained, Elsie and I would hide behind the falls and pretend we were survivors from a shipwreck, waiting for someone to rescue us. When the river was shallow, we’d look for fossils along the bank and pretend we were archeologists at a secret dig site.

Elsie and I were always close when we were little. We did most everything together and didn’t see a problem with it–until the summer the Schulz family moved to the area. They had three boys around my age, and we became fast friends–inseparable, especially as we got older. We’d trap crawdads in the river and hike to the top of the falls in our matching coon skin hats to hang hammocks in the trees. We believed we owned the mountain, and on our mountain, there was no room for little sisters.

The day Elsie followed us up the river was the day the Schulz boys and I had just finished building a tree fort at the top of the falls. We were sitting with our legs over the edge, hunting squirrels with slingshots, when we saw Elsie coming up the hill, holding her favorite kitten in her arms like a baby.

“Will, look.” The oldest boy pointed, “we’ve got a trespasser.”

“Yeah,” said the middle boy, “a girl!”

I played along. “And she’s bringing that flea-ridden cat! She’ll heap a curse on our whole camp!”

Then we spat like cowboys.

Elsie reached the top, and we climbed down from our fort, holding nubby sticks in our mouths like cigars.

“What do you want, Elsie?” I said.

“Can I play with you?” she asked, leaning over to catch her breath.

“No girls allowed,” said the youngest Schulz boy.

“Yeah. Isn’t that right, Will?” said the oldest.

“That’s right.” I crossed my arms. “No girls allowed.”

“Please,” she whined. “I’ll play whatever game you guys want.”

The oldest Schulz boy threw a meaty arm around my shoulder, his voice low. “Let’s play, steal the cat.”

I nodded in agreement, and we broke apart and dove toward Elsie. I pulled at her wrists while the other boys tried to wrestle the cat from her.

“No!” She squealed, squeezing it tighter. I finally managed to peel her fingers away from the cat’s torso and it dropped to the ground, hissing. One of the boys lunged forward, chasing it with flailing arms. The kitten inched backwards, baring its pointy teeth, and then suddenly disappeared over the edge of the falls.

“No! No!” Elsie shrieked, breaking out my grip and running to the spot where it fell.

We all stood like statues, eventually inching our toes closer to the edge to peer over, curiosity demanding we know the outcome of the cat’s fall. But when we looked down, the cat was looking back at us, meowing from a ledge below, mist coating its fur in a layer of moisture.

“He’s alive!” I shouted, turning to look at Elsie, who stood glaring at me.

“William Raymond Lawson, you better go get my cat right now.”

“Down there?” I pointed to the ledge. “No way. Not for a stupid cat.”

We started back toward the fort, the other boys laughing and mimicking Elsie’s high-pitched whine, and I started to feel rotten for being mean. I turned back to tell Elsie we’d try to find a stick long enough to reach it, but all I saw were her hands gripping the exposed roots at the edge of the falls.

She was going after the cat.

“Elsie! What are you doing?” I scrambled over to where she was climbing and squatted over the rocks and roots, reaching for her.

“Elsie, this is stupid! You’re going to fall. Take my hand.”

Her tears mingled with the spray of water, softening the angry lines of her forehead, but she was still angry, and she was still going after the cat.

“Elsie! Please come back up, just leave the cat. Leave it!”

“No!” she shouted over the noise of the water. “I’m not going to leave Whiskers behind like you always leave me behind!”

I swung my legs over the edge and started to go after her. The rocky river below wavered in my vision, and I froze, half suspended over the ledge beneath me. Cold water bounced off the rocks and seeped through my shirt as I struggled to find footing. My chest tightened and everything around me seemed to be spinning.

When I heard the cat meowing, I glanced down to see it clinging to Elsie’s shoulder. She held it in one arm and was scrambling to climb back up the ledge with the other. I reached out to help her, my hand just inches from hers, when her bare foot slipped on the wet, slick rock.

And she disappeared.

My own voice was a distant, ragged wail when I screamed for her. I pulled myself back to the top and scanned the water below.

My little sister lay contorted in the shallows at the bottom of the waterfall.

And her kitten was being swept down the river.


~~~~~


When I step through the threshold of my parents’ home, it’s like I am back in time—just a boy with sunburned cheeks and dirty feet. I clutch my hat and let my eyes adjust to the dim light. The room smells like pine trees and castile soap–and something new.

“Elsie, someone’s come to say hello.”

My mother tugs me by the arm and leads me to a sunlit corner where my sister sits in a chair with two giant wheels attached to its sides. She sits unmoving, hands in her lap. In front of her, a white canvas is becoming a summer day, and between her teeth, she grips a paintbrush dipped in olive green. Mama walks over and tugs the brush from her mouth, laying it down on the paint splattered table.

I squat in front of her. “Elsie. Els. It’s—it’s me, William—your brother.”

I’m afraid to touch her, afraid to say anything else. 

And then she speaks. “I know who you are.” She looks sideways at me. “I could smell your dog breath a mile away.”

I laugh, a sound so unfamiliar to my own ears. Then she laughs, and Mama laughs, and something inside me breaks, like a cord that’s been twisting for all these years.

They let me cry—no rushing, no chiding—and it’s cleansing.

We don’t talk about the accident, or the years gone by, or the fact that Elsie’s arms and hands and legs and feet haven’t moved since I walked through the door. We talk about her art, how one day she was tired of just sitting and doing nothing, so she asked Mama to dip a brush in blue paint and put it in between her teeth. She says it took a good while, but she finally got the hang of it.

“The Clarks, do you remember them?” Mama turns to me. “They run the general store in town, and they let Elsie sell her paintings there—display them right up front,” Mama says, smiling.

I study a finished piece propped by the fireplace. It’s the waterfall where we played as kids, the place where our world turned upside down. She’s chosen darker, more ominous shades of grays and blues to depict the river, like the water is hiding a secret. Or a kitten.

“I’m glad to hear that, Els. Have you sold any?”

“I have–only a handful though.” I had forgotten how Elsie’s cheeks dimple when she smiles. 

Mama sits up straighter and smiles. “Elsie’s been saving up to go to art school. People say she’s got a natural talent.” Mama’s eyes focus on something behind me and her smile falters. 

The front door cracks against the wall and we all jump. Everyone’s eyes turn to Papa. My Papa, once so upright and brawny, has been replaced by a gaunt old man in a too-big shirt.

I stand and turn to him. “Hi, Papa. It’s me—your son.” We lock eyes. Where regret and shame and hope shine in mine, only ice reflects in his.

“I don’t have a son.” He holds the door open and stands aside.

And it hurts like a punch to the gut. “Papa, please. I’ve come to make things right.” 

His voice is a hoarse whisper. “You can’t just walk in here and undo in a day what’s been eating away at this family for years. Now do what you do best, and leave my house.”

I shove my hat back on my head, bend to kiss Elsie on the cheek, and rise to kiss Mama on hers. I stride past my father and I don’t look back.

I know I can’t undo the past; I’ve been living with that reality since I watched Elsie fall. But I was hoping to walk away with a chance for better tomorrows.


~~~~~


A bell above the door frame rings as I step inside Clark's General Store. It’s not as big as I remember, but then again, everything looks bigger when you’re a kid.

Two of Elsie’s paintings hang on the wall, right at the front like Mama had said, with Elsie’s looping initials signed in red in each corner. One is of the old oak tree outside our house, and the other is of the waterfall, and underneath the falls, catching the surge of water with outstretched hands, she’s painted two kids—a boy and a girl.

I lift the paintings from their hooks and walk to the counter. “I’d like both please,” I tell the woman at the register, adding a handful of caramels for the ride home. She counts out my change and wraps the paintings in sheets of newspaper.

When I get back in my car and turn onto the highway, and the mountains grow smaller in the rearview mirror, a heaviness settles in my chest that I know will be with me always, but something about the smell of paint from my backseat makes it feel a little more bearable. 


September 24, 2022 03:48

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60 comments

Zack Powell
18:47 Sep 24, 2022

Hey. So. I'm not even sure where to start with this one, so I guess I'll just come out and say it: Not only is this my favorite story of yours, it also found its way into my top 5 on all of Reedsy. Halfway through, I honestly forgot I was reading fiction. And I'm not just saying that because we're friends. The characters were that real. I wish I'd written this. Truly. SO much good stuff going on in this piece. First of all, I LOVE how you structured this, starting with an "ending" (literal and metaphorical) as well as a different POV than t...

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Aeris Walker
00:25 Sep 25, 2022

I can’t express how much I value this comment (for your time and thoughtfulness invested into it, and your heartfelt praise). I poked and picked and fretted over this story up until the last minute, trying to make sure the motives and characters and timeline all felt believable, so seeing this comment was like the “thumbs up” I needed to see/hear. Ever lay awake at night dreaming of misplaced punctuation marks? That was me 😅 I’m so happy that you’ve picked up on every theme and connected all the pieces together. And thank you genuinely for...

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Zack Powell
15:34 Sep 30, 2022

Shortlist queen! I was absolutely, 100% expecting to see your name today (you were my winner pick this week), so it's nice to see you get recognized. This story definitely deserved it. 🎉 Congrats!

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Aeris Walker
17:47 Sep 30, 2022

Ha! I think Deidra currently wears that crown 😉😉 Thank you so much, Zack, I really appreciate your vote of confidence 😊

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Thom With An H
23:34 Oct 05, 2022

Aeris, if that is your real name, (I know it’s not) I really believe writing, like singing or painting is a talent the really good ones are born with and you are one of the really good ones. You write profound stories that are every bit as artistic as award winning songs or paintings. On top of that you are a great interview. Your episode on read lots/write lots was my second favorite (after mine of course). I guess I just wanted you to know that a hack like me can see the brilliance in an artist like you and you have to keep writing.

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Aeris Walker
12:41 Oct 06, 2022

Your comment popped up at a moment of staring at my screen, doubting all 2k words of something I’d just written, and was truly such timely encouragement. I sincerely appreciate it. And thank you!! I have absolutely enjoyed getting to “meet” all the other writers and hear their stories through their podcast interviews, and was honored to be invited on as well. Deidra and Russell are such a fun duo :) Is your interview under “Thom Brodkin”? Send me the link—I would love to listen and hear about your writing journey!

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Thom With An H
13:44 Oct 06, 2022

Imposter syndrome is so real, especially with writers. Most of the time I doubt what I’ve written because I see so much talent in those around me. Whenever you feel it go back and read one of your oldest stories. If you’re anything like me, you’ll be amazed at how much better it seems when you’ve been separated from it by time. That being said, I’ve read a lot of your writing and you are remarkably, consistently, great. It’s hard to articulate and I know you put time in to each of your stories but I can tell when someone has the “it” factor ...

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Aeris Walker
18:41 Oct 06, 2022

Oh yes, I feel much the same. My early stories are so laughable—literally laden with tense errors and cheesiness— but I leave them up as a reminder of what can come from practice and dedication. And again, thank you. I agree, there is so much talent here, and everyone has their own unique flare. I think there is a necessary balance needed—of trusting yourself and your skills but always being open to learning and humble to critique. And I really enjoyed your interview as well! I appreciated your genuine candor and felt like your passion fo...

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Jim Firth
09:14 Sep 24, 2022

Putting the 'final' scene (chronologically speaking) at the beginning was a neat choice. It set up the significance of the waterfall and allowed me to 'connect the dots' when reflecting on the story at the end. Brilliant last line; it gives us a glimmer of hope. As does the fact that Will's mother and sister appeared to have forgiven him when he showed up. Papa is very stubborn, but after all, he did tell Will to look after his sister. Establishing that closeness between brother and sister in childhood in an idyllic setting made the after...

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Aeris Walker
22:12 Sep 24, 2022

Thank you so much, Jim!! I’m always wary of breaking up a story and telling it non -linearly, but I’m glad you felt like it gave more significance to each section. I so appreciate you reading and leaving your kind feedback ☺️

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Amanda Lieser
00:54 Dec 01, 2022

Hey Aeris, This was such a bone chillingly enchanting tale. I instantly sensed something had gone horribly fog. I loved that you dove childhood naïveté in with the realities of being an adult. I love pieces that reflect on when a single decision made as a kid, turns into a massive consequence as an adult. I also thought you characterized each of the pains in this piece very well. The parents, the MC, the sister all had their own pain. Nice job! Congratulations on that shortlist! It was well deserved.

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Aeris Walker
12:45 Dec 01, 2022

Thank you so much, Amanda! I really appreciate that. I also really like stories of kids making life changing choices and how that plays out in their life. Thanks for reading ☺️

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Story Time
16:43 Oct 04, 2022

With no disrespect to any of the other authors, this was my favorite piece this week. I was sure you'd be the winner. Everything was on point. I even sent it along to a friend to read and they were blown away as well. Congratulations and I really hope you submit this other places, because it deserves as wide an audience as possible.

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Aeris Walker
09:18 Oct 05, 2022

I can’t find the right emoji to express “sincerely grateful and touched by your kind words,” so this yellow blushing face will have to do ☺️☺️ To me, when someone not only enjoys a story but wants to share it with someone else, is the best compliment. Thank you very much for reading, for sharing, and for your encouragement—it means the world.

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Riel Rosehill
14:25 Oct 02, 2022

Wow. I'm sorry I'm so late, and once again congrats for the shortlist! This story is AMAZING. I'm a little bit lost for words... Seconding Zack here: this is definitely one of my top favourite stories on this whole site now. I so wish I wrote it! So brilliant. I love it in fiction where kids mess up so bad and then have to deal with the consequences - you have shown us the whole story from the beginning to the end. Which, within 3000 words is simply incredible. It's just so perfectly well-written as well, I'm in love. Let me know whenever yo...

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Aeris Walker
01:16 Oct 04, 2022

Aww, thank you Riel, you are such a gem! Your lovely reaction has just put a smile on my face where I think it will stay all day :) I'm so glad you liked it. This one was really pushing the 3k limit haha, but I'm happy to hear the story felt "whole." As always, thank you for reading and for making Reedsy a better place :)

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Seán McNicholl
16:58 Sep 27, 2022

Beautiful Aeris, absolutely beautiful. Was totally lost in your story there, it’s so consuming. Felt I was living every moment! Loved it! Well done!

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Aeris Walker
19:30 Sep 28, 2022

Thank you SO much, really appreciate that 😊

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04:13 Sep 27, 2022

That opening parapragh though.....Its a piece of art in itself. I don't normally like these stories, but I just cant stop reading yours. Your wordsmithery is just amazing.

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Aeris Walker
16:37 Sep 27, 2022

Hey Jaden! Well thank you!! I’m greatly honored then that something out of your preferred genre grabbed your attention. 😊😊

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Michał Przywara
21:17 Sep 26, 2022

Mm, that waterfall scene hit like a sledgehammer. That the narrator abandoned his sister to hang out with boys his age makes sense - it's just kids being kids. That she was still approaching them, hoping to join in, well, we knew it would end with rejection and conflict. But we also knew there was something wrong with "present day" Elsie, so there was a suffocating feeling of dread over everything. Excellent build up, believable characters, and tragic results. I love the little detail of her going to rescue the cat, not just because it's h...

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Aeris Walker
21:21 Sep 27, 2022

Hi Michal! I just love what you pulled from the story here: "Once more left behind, she takes matters into her own hands and does what she can - painting - and refuses to be someone else's afterthought. I think it's a powerful thing, that she cracks a joke and is the first to smile, and in so doing, she metaphorically pulls her brother up from the ledge." I wanted to give adult Elsie more time in the spotlight, but what you conclude about her tenacious and forgiving personality is exactly what I was hoping to communicate. And that last line...

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Michał Przywara
21:49 Sep 30, 2022

Woo! Another shortlist! Well-deserved :) Congrats!

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Aeris Walker
22:56 Sep 30, 2022

Thanks so much, Michal!!

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Rebecca Miles
20:15 Sep 26, 2022

This is such a poignant story. I felt so absolutely happy to be carried in your competent hands from the intrigue of the beginning through the central backstory tragedy to the closure of the end. A picture says a thousand words eh, and Bill's hoarding of his sister's art speaks volumes. That said, a thousand words or so can lead a reader through even greater depths of misery and joy, and your story plumbs the depths and more: the agony of that fateful day and the mixed blessing of a sort of unrequited love. Absolutely stunning.

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Aeris Walker
23:15 Sep 27, 2022

Your comments are as eloquent and classy as your writing. Thank you so very much reading and for leaving your kind feedback—it just made my day :)

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Rebecca Miles
04:22 Sep 28, 2022

It's an absolute pleasure.

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Suma Jayachandar
03:29 Sep 26, 2022

Aeris, I am a little late for the party, so I'm going to say just three things- exquisitely vivid , filled with heart thumping moments and hauntingly melancholic. It was a complete cinematic experience in words. 👏👏👏

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Aeris Walker
20:59 Sep 27, 2022

Never late! Grateful just to be read :) so thank you for giving your time to read my story and leave your lovely feedback--I truly appreciate it.

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15:52 Sep 25, 2022

Another fantastic screenplay condensed for our infinite enjoyment. You spin universes :)

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Aeris Walker
17:30 Sep 25, 2022

Thanks a million, Deidra :)

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17:44 Sep 25, 2022

Which is exactly the amount of money a very smart publishing company should pay Aeris Walker in advance for her next novel...

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Aeris Walker
18:08 Sep 25, 2022

Woah now, let’s tap those breaks. 😉😉😉

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18:19 Sep 25, 2022

💰

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Jay McKenzie
05:55 Sep 24, 2022

Such a sad story. I like the link with the cat at his feet when he dies - I went back and reread that. The link with the artworks was lovely too. At first, I wondered if he might have painted them: a tortured attempt to come to terms with something from the past. But that they were hers was more striking.

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Aeris Walker
11:34 Sep 24, 2022

I’m glad you caught that detail about the cat! Thank you so much for reading, Jay ☺️

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Heather Z
13:14 Oct 12, 2022

Wow. Just wow. This story brought tears to my eyes. So painful. And your descriptions…”my sister sits in a chair with two giant wheels attached to the sides.” This had so much more of a visual impact than just saying a wheelchair. You are obviously very talented and have a knack for the written word! I like how your story didn’t necessarily have a happy ending…because in life, oftentimes the endings are not happy or resolved or mended but can be made “more bearable.” Excellent and congratulations on your short list! I am a little late readin...

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Aeris Walker
11:48 Oct 15, 2022

Hi Heather! Thank you so much for reading and leaving your kind thoughts. And welcome back to Reedsy!

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Sophia Gavasheli
23:30 Oct 02, 2022

Gosh, Aeris. I had to take a deep breath when I finished this one. The foreshadowing and build-up to Elsie's accident were very on point. You take a lot of fairly stereotypical scenes(regretful character returning to hometown, boys teasing girls/leaving them out, unforgiving father) but you weave it all together in a truly unique and unforgettable story. The way your sentences and paragraphs flow is great too. Awesome job!

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Aeris Walker
00:36 Oct 07, 2022

Sophia--please forgive this belated response, but thank you so very much for reading and leaving your kind feedback. I'm so glad the story left an impression :)

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Philip Ebuluofor
17:34 Oct 02, 2022

Fine work. Well rendered. Congrats.

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Aeris Walker
19:37 Oct 06, 2022

Thank you, Philip!

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Philip Ebuluofor
17:54 Oct 12, 2022

My pleasure.

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Michele Duess
16:43 Sep 30, 2022

I'm glad you got shortlisted. Great story congrats!

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Aeris Walker
00:45 Oct 01, 2022

Hi Michele, thank you, you’re so kind ☺️

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Dawn Kaltenbaugh
14:36 Sep 30, 2022

This story was sad, and yet I was glued to the story. I had to find out where it was going. The way you handled the long dreaded reunion was a wonderful description of the power of forgiveness. I somehow knew that the father would not follow the example of the two women. That kind of hard heartedness is something I have lived through, and it hurts. Thank you for writing a tale that touched me deeply.

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Aeris Walker
01:28 Oct 02, 2022

Hi Dawn! Thank you so very much for taking the time to read and leave your thoughtful comment—It means a lot, truly ☺️

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Tommy Goround
21:15 Sep 28, 2022

Liked : -the description of the dad limping from the first war. It gave everything a date and it was a good image. -this soap that starts with the letter c. Casta? I appreciate you have some details that I have not seen before. That makes it real. -I appreciate that the girl was severely hurt and not other things. It is hopeful that she has retrained her body to brush with her mouth. She is also a war survivor. The story has really good flow. The Continuum from one segment to the next is very good.

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Aeris Walker
18:17 Sep 30, 2022

Hi Tommy—thank you so much for reading and sharing what you liked 🙂🙂

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Ron Smith
18:24 Sep 27, 2022

Good story. I kind of figured that the ones submitted for this category would feature individuals who were either eager to return home, or those who hated the idea of coming back, for whatever reason. Enjoyed this one.

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Aeris Walker
02:08 Sep 29, 2022

Thanks for reading, Ron!

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RBE | Illustrated Short Stories | 2024-06

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