Home.

My family. A strange bunch they were. They all had the personality of the colour beige though they did have their small colourful times but they were only seen about once a year. I was lucky to experience it twice if they felt generous. But they spent most of their time being selfish and mean. I never found a liking to anything they did, they always irritated me in the slightest way possible. And no I'm not going to blame it on my short temper because they knew how short tempered I was and did everything they could to aggravate me. And succeeded every damn time! No matter what I tried I wouldn't have been able to stop their behaviour. They were superior to me! Because of them I’ve been short tempered since the age of 4 and would blow up if I found something remotely the slightest irritable. 

My eldest brother took away my comfort teddy once and held it above his head and laughed when I couldn’t reach it no matter how hard I jumped. The worst part was that he got my other brothers to laugh and mock me. Gosh it sucks being the only girl in the house! I even tried asking one of the boys for help but they just kept making fun of how small I am, telling me to “Jump froggy” and i’d be lying if i said it didn’t get under my skin. I’ve always been the smallest of the six of us and if they were to comment on something to me it’d always be my height. I was adamant I’d be moved out by 15 because I couldn’t stand the boys. I didn’t go with my plan exactly. I moved at 16 with my best friend. Living with her was and still is so much better than living with my annoying brothers! 

When it comes to family gatherings I’d always be sat by my second eldest brother who didn’t really get on with me as stable as the others did and that really displeased me more each time. This was because he’d always put something in my drink or put food on my chair to sit in when I got back from the loo causing the whole table to erupt in laughter but my mother who gave them an eye roll with a smile. She tried her best to get the boys to leave me alone but she didn’t try hard enough. They continued to do it even when we had guests over. At least they found it funny though right? The echoes of their laughter rang through the halls as I sat in the living room or bathroom just to get away from them.

My father and I always had a rocky relationship. He had extremely high expectations of me and they grew as I got older. It wasn’t fair on me, because I had a lot of other things to do such as extra curricular clubs, cheer practice and writing my books. When I try to explain to him that I cannot spend hours doing schoolwork because I have other things I need to do he would just tell me to manage my time or just to cut out writing my books because they aren’t important. Whatever! My books are just as important to me as my cheer practice and grades and I won’t give them up for his satisfaction! My mother and I had an on and off relationship. One day she will be all nice to me then another day she will be agreeing with my father and brothers on how I need to buck up my ideas and focus on what's important. They make no sense and it really bothers me how they contradict themselves. 

Though after being away from them for quite a few years I can say I’ve missed them irritating me a bit. Living with my best friend has been a bit bland. She wasn’t as adventurous as I was after we left school. I mean, yeah I was still in the same ways as I was when I was in school but I’ve lessened on them and I’ve gone out more and explored my surroundings, She on the other hand was quite boring. I kind of missed my brothers making fun of me for my height, my mother laughing at me when I walked into the doors, my father down my ear telling me how important my work is. I missed my home. Now that I look back on it, I have found joy in everything they did with me. Besides me being really short tempered of course. But they also had indirect lessons. My brothers taught me not to take any rubbish from anyone, my father taught me that working hard will always do me good and will open many doors for me in the future and my mother taught me that a maternal love will last forever even underneath all the arguments.

I was ready to visit home and welcome them all back into my life after not having any form of communication with them for 9 years out of spite and frustration. I’m normally not one to hold a grudge against anyone but my family felt different. All the things they’ve done for me I have found an appreciation for because without them I wouldn’t be a strong woman who doesn’t listen to people's judgements and criticisms. Without them constantly patronising me from a child to the age of 16 I'd probably still be a weak little girl who takes everything to heart. Without my father constantly reminding me to constantly perfect my grades I probably would be one of those girls who just sponge off their fathers. Not anymore. I’ve become grateful for everything they’ve done though it still has the irritation factor. But I’m going to thank them and tell them that I appreciate everything they’ve done.

A new found appreciation for my family that I had high doubts of developing.