Farewell

When I got to thinking about what would be a good way to lead off a story with two people saying there last goodbyes forever, there was only one movie that came to mind. There are great movie scenes and then there’s what “I” consider to be the greatest movie scene of all time: Rick (Humphrey Bogart) putting Isla (Ingrid Bergman) on a plane and saying "farewell" in the classic movie Casablanca.

My saying farewell to Charlotte O’Hara wasn’t nearly as dramatic nor epic. We had dated for three years on again, off again and our love for one another had gotten as dry as the Sahara Desert in August.

When we first met, I thought that the two of us had been touched by the same Sirius star. The Sirius Star, also known as the Dog Star, is the brightest star in the night sky. Then something unimaginable happened and our love for one another began to crumble away leaving a hole as big as a crater on the dark half of the moon. We only made excuses for what was long lost in translation. There was a lot of tension between us during those rocky times. But in some ways we reasoned or in my case I rationalized that it was still better than being l0nely, because the fear of the monster called “Alone” often leads people to stay in relationships long after a connection has ended emotionally and physically. 

I found it especially difficult during those holidays we once cherished and truly looked forward to celebrating like on, January 6^th National Cuddle up Day, January 21^st National Hugging Day, February 13^th Galantine’s Day, February 14^th Valentine's Day, June 22^nd National Kissing Day, August 18^th National Lovers Day and October 25^th National I Care About You Charlotte Day. That was the first date that I met and fell madly in love with her.

Today I now realize after every toxic relationship ends, usually the two people engaged will at sometime say they wish they could have seen the signs. I believe that there were always signs, even in the beginning of our violtile relationship, but my undying love for Charlotte allowed me to believe that "our love for one another could conquer all". while I'm wearing rose colored glasses that wouldn't allow me to clearly see the many flaws in her character in a prism seen way.

Reflecting back upon that words hurt and words hurt our relationship. Name calling and hurtful words stung like the nastiest wasp or the average traveling across the continent killer African Bees. It painstakingly left an indelible mark on our relationship that no apology could possibly wash away. How can you respect a person after they call you every negative 4 letter word and more up under the sun? I needed her to be able to trust me.  

Insecure, misunderstood and misguided Charlotte insisted upon checking my phone, social media accounts and emails that was the beginning of our demise and not the foundation of a healthy relationship. Constantly accusing me of cheating on her without a shred of evidence. The sociopath like Ms. Charlotte O’Hara will always accuse you of doing the very thing that they are guilty of themselves. She purposely does that to deflect the attention from herself and unscrupulous behavior. Examples of this from her were. Accusing me of cheating with her best friend and mother. Accusing me of being dishonest or lying about how much money I make on payday. Accusing me of talking about her behind her back with her friends and ex lovers. Accusing me of doing whatever it is that she is more than likely guilty of doing herself.

Sometimes former exotic pole stripping dancers can be real manipulative on many occasions when need be.

You know things aren’t going well when the bad outweighs the good, it’s time to measure how much you want to be committed in the relationship. Sure, I knew there were going to be hard times between the two of us. But when you can’t even remember the last time you were happy, there’s a problem.

How quickly she forgot that sex is crucial in a happy and healthy relationship. And when sex isn’t on the table anymore (literally or not), it’s a sign something bigger is happening. It appears that the two of us had quickly grown distant, emotionally and physically. When she’d rather spend a night out with the ladies every weekend rather than with me, that’s when there seemed to be an issue at hand. One day I manned up and said Charlotte if you are happy in our relationship, you wouldn’t want to spend time at the clubs on the weekends. Coming back home late wearing your panties on inside out. Always making up excuses why you can’t spend any quality time with me and my X-Box or WII games. You need to start to examine those lame excuses you’ve been giving me.

 Many, many, many times I told her that to build a strong relationship foundation, “we” both need to put in work. If only I’m left building, you know one day that I would become exhausted and later on, resentful. We need two helping hands if we want to end up holding hands. I really don’t think that one time she was listening to me because she asked me to turn up the sound on the TV so she could hear what the couples were saying on the TV show Married at First Sight. A ridiculous show about newlyweds meeting for the first time at their wedding and within 24 hours of saying their “I do's” they head off on their honeymoons not really ever knowing one another. The 64,000 dollar question that is asked at the beginning of the telecast is will the time alone bring those insane couples closer together? Charlotte would watch that show faithfully, while talking to someone on the phone and I don’t believe it was with a female. Once I heard her ask whomever, do you believe in love at first sight Bobby?

I turned up the volume so loud so that I could deaf out the profanity that was directed at me. Understanding by now that arguing in our relationship came with the territory. Daily engaging in those insignificant fights to explosive, I wish I never met you or your selfish mother fights. But when our relationship got like, “Wow! I said one involuntary quarantine boring day. We actually made it an entire day without fighting,” maybe just maybe we might need to take a long look at our relationship in a mirror. Then I thought about it and If we couldn’t even stay civil on our vacation in a beautiful hotel room with room service, then it might be time to say goodbye. When I awoke after a nonsensical argument. I rolled over in that king size bed and told Ms. Charlotte O’Hara Farewell!