A day too beautiful

 Looking at the young me, I always wonder what made me think I was not good enough to receive or give love. Now I feel wholesome, my parents, my sibling and myself. The holidays are about to begin and everybody is brimming with happiness. My mother takes the cake out of the oven. A sweet scent which I have only felt in this house fills the air. Her veins visible on her delicate hands. She looks at me with her warm eyes. Her eyes looks like gold melting. Her smile touching the corners of her eyes. I can't believe I used to not like my family when I was a teenager. They are the most warmest people for me in the entire universe. 

" It smells nice, isn't it?" She asks as she puts it down on the kitchen table to cool. 

" Absolutely..." The next word tickled at the tip of my tongue. After 15 years of seperation I still feels weird to form my love into words. " Mom." The word fall out more fondly than I thought.

She pats my shoulder. Now I know that even without words mothers can see the love and appreciation. As a mother I understand it too. 

 Dad comes into the living room with his hands full of chocolate boxes. He is so happy. My children rans to their grandfather with huge smiles in excitement. They hugs and kiss him on cheeks. An amazingly joyfully day. It definitely took too much time for me to understand them. The sacrifices they made for me and my sibling is endless. I return his happiness to see him. 

When I was a child, I felt like only I was right. I argued with my parents more just one time about a thing, throwing a tantrum and whining. Reaching for the moon when I can't even stand on my own feet. I hated my life for being poor, for being a not-so-good student and everything I had. I never thought about what great things I had. I became too selfish and greedy, trying to copy others and wishing to have their parents. The day I graduated from high school I wanted to escape from my home into a new and modern world. But after a while, walking through the streets without my parents, I felt lonely. Their warm hands weren't holding mine, there were no other footsteps with me, no smiling faces, no shoulders to cry on and no one to console with a hug. I now understand why people say they want to go back to their past when they were small kids, the world feels too big and I am isolated without them. There were times when I cried quietly, wrapped in my bed regretting all the bad things I have done to my parents. 

A tear drop flows down my cheek, waking me into the present. We were sitting near the fireplace. Mom singing her favourite song and dad listening eagerly. My little brother who is 28 playing piano. He became a musician as he wished, I became a book editor and went on with our own personal life. Even though we are siblings, we didn't talked or took care of each other much. We followed our own paths of life. Making individual choices and busy writing our own destiny. Now after many years we meet at our house for holidays with a pleasant heart and love like wine. It only became powerful as years passed. Just like wine. 

As the song ends, mom stands up and go back to her cake decorating work. I follow behind quietly. " I will help you, mom." I declare as she ties her apron. 

" As you wish." She hand me another apron and an icing tube.

" Oh... I just said for a formality." I say playfully and she winks, handing me a knife to smooth out the edges of icing. We together starts to work. Giving instructions and teasing eachother. After all, spending time with her seems much easier now. 

" How is living abroad? Are you happy?" She is actually asking it for the forth time since I returned home. But everytime I hear it, I feel a strange kind of happiness spreading inside me.

" Yes,mom. Everybody is happy." I looked into her curious eyes. She wants to know more.

" Truthfully it's a little tough time at work but other than that everything is fine." I reassured.

" Tell me if someone behaves badly to you, I will knock him down with a single blow." She punches the air.

" Sure thing. If something like that happens, let's knock him down together." I too punched the air with my free hand. We laughed together. A bittersweet pain passed through me. It's for the first time I am opening up and cracking jokes to my mom. Is feels weirdly joyful.

After all the decorations, mom put the cake carefully into the refrigerator. Tomorrow is the special day. After tomorrow our lives will travel in different paths again. But for now, everything is perfect. We sit down with dad and everybody else at the hall. I took my dad's hand in mine, feeling the roughness and comfort of his hand. When I was a kid, I always swang in his hands. The almost faded memories flashed into my mind. It's been so long I have felt the comfort of them. I lean on his shoulder and watch the television. My brother is playing piano for my children. They looks at his fast moving fingers in awe like it is magic. I think the best thing about growing up is realising that there are many things around us to appreciate and enjoy than to cry over, realising that the moments won't repeat again. The sensation to embrace the little beauties of life. To turn our sorrows into hope and to live for now, for only the present. The night will become day again. The cycle of life will rotate. In the past, I. In the present, my children. In the future their children and so on. It is always a day too beautiful.