Feeling Powerless

I‘m Elizabeth and I’m the nerdiest girl you could ever meet. All I wanted to do was study. In school I was the smartest girl in the class. The truth is I didn‘t even have to study. I always received honours without even trying, but when I did study I got the highest marks in the class without fail. The teachers loved me, which helped improve my confidence.

I loved reading though, I mostly studied during school, but I liked reading romance novels. I was known as the introverted, shy, quiet, nerdy girl. I don’t know why though. I guess it’s because people tried to talk to me, but I’d just turn red and walk away. So eventually people left me alone. It was better that way. I was never popular, because I was quiet. I was bullied too. I was short, smart and I wore glasses. I mean what a perfect opportunity for bullies to bully? So I hung around the smart kids, including my friend Ashley. This made me feel much better.

I was short, but I guess I was beautiful. My mother was a model and my father was a lawyer. My mom had blue eyes and my dad’s were hazel. They were both beautiful, smart, kind people. My dad was a successful lawyer. I had a younger sister too and I adored her. We both had long, blonde hair, but I had hazel eyes like my dad and hers were light blue. I was lucky. The only thing was unlike me, my dad was outgoing. I mean of course, he had to be at work, but this rubbed off at home and it just made me quiet. I never would speak out of turn and I respected my parents. They never had a problem with me, because I was smart. All I did was study. Actually, that’s not completely true, because I loved swimming. I took lessons every summer and even joined the competitive, swim team. I liked swimming in the warm, blue water. We had a pool in the backyard, which helped. I also liked swimming, because I didn‘t have to talk to anyone.

I was nervous that day. It was the first day of high school and I was waiting outside to find out which class I was in. It was strange though, because after Covid we had to lineup in single file far apart from each other. At least Ashley was there with me and hopefully we would be in the same class. Despite being introverted, I had a close friend and she helped me through many uncomfortable times. Like the time I slipped in the pool, she was there.

We were waiting outside for about ten minutes after Ashley’s dad dropped us off at school and that’s when it happened. I was speechless. Well that was nothing knew, I only talked to Ashley and sometimes the other nerdy kids, but now it was just me and Ashley. There were lineups outside the high school, as students were arriving. That’s when I saw him. He was across the parking lot and slowly walking towards me. Well, not exactly towards me, he was just walking into the crowd of students waiting for the teachers to arrive. Ashley was so excited when she found out we were in the same class. But I couldn‘t concentrate, or even think straight. Not only was I speechless, I was powerless too. I guess that’s what happens though. I think it was ‘love at first sight’. He had the most beautiful blue eyes. They were as beautiful as the blue sky on a summer day. He was tall and handsome with sandy brown hair. I mean seriously, how could I be so silly. As if he would like me. I’d probably never see him again.

I mean I really felt powerless. It must be all the romance novels I read. We were finally sitting in English class. Our teacher was at the front discussing the books we would be studying this year. We had a choice of which one to read first, but all I heard was “Romeo and Juliet”. Oh did I mention I love reading romance novels? I had even read Shakespeare. This year was going to be perfect!

If only I could see that boy again. I’ve never felt like this before. Speechless yes, but powerless, never. Finally, English class was over. We had to start reading the novel and eventually write a book report. Our homework for “Romeo and Juliet” was to explain the first soliloquy in Act 1 Scene 5, “Oh, she doth teach the torches to burn bright.” I knew it meant that Juliet is so beautiful, she shines more than the torches lighting the room, which tells the audience that Romeo falls instantly in love with her.

For dinner that night we had Chicken Marsala and arugula salad with tomatoes. After dinner, my sister and I cleaned the dishes as usual, while my parents were busy upstairs. I always wondered what they were doing. I mean those romance novels were so exciting to me. My parents usually thought I was studying. My parents loved each other just like in those books. I always dreamed of having that kind of love, but really for someone like me, I believed it wasn’t in the stars. That is, until that first day in high school when I saw him.

I had already finished my homework that night except for a little math. So finally after my mom made me a snack, I brushed my teeth and went to bed. I couldn’t sleep that night, because all I could think about was that beautiful boy from that morning. Finally, I drifted off to sleep.

The next morning after breakfast, Ashley and her dad picked me up for school. Her dad often drove us to school on his way to work. He was a psychologist with his own practice. I liked her dad, he was so understanding and nice to us. In the summer, he always took us out for ice cream. My parents rarely took me to school. My dad was at the office early and my mom usually went to bed after she made us breakfast. I couldn’t wait to go to school that day. I hoped I would see him, maybe at lunchtime he’d be there. I don’t even know what grade he was in.

Ashley and I were the first ones to hand in our homework that day. It wasn’t due until Friday, but I always finished my work ahead of time. Finally, after English class, it was lunchtime. Ashley and I sat at one of the tables in the cafeteria. It wasn’t too busy there and we had to sit in every other chair at the table, but it was neat being in the cafeteria. In middle school I always went home for lunch, because it was closer to my home than high school.

Then it happened, he was there. I saw him in the distance walking in with his friends. Those blue eyes were amazing and he was wearing a blue shirt. I just knew it was him. I could feel it. Then I heard Ashley asking me what I had for lunch so I quickly turned toward her. I felt powerless. This feeling inside me was like nothing I’d ever felt before. I looked back quickly to find him, but all I could see were students sitting in every other chair and tables of cafeteria food. My heart sank, where did he go? I looked all around for someone with a blue shirt and luckily I saw him again. He was smiling with his friends. OMG, what an amazing smile!

Then it was the end of lunch and the bell rang. We had to lineup no matter where we went. So Ashley and I were quietly standing there waiting for everyone to leave. I glanced over again to look for him and I think he saw me! My heart skipped a beat. I couldn’t stop smiling. I mean this was crazy, how I felt inside. I felt powerless. So I looked away quickly to talk to Ashley about our homework that day.

Since Covid, we only had one class at school and then we could stay for homework club after lunch or go home. But we had online learning for part of the afternoon. It was going to take awhile to get used to, but it was no big deal, because I liked being home with my family. So after lunch we were getting ready to leave and go home.

All of a sudden, as I was getting closer to the cafeteria exit, I saw him again in the hallway with his friends. He was walking towards me. He really was this time, but being the shy person that I am, I turned away. I mean it’s in my nature to be quiet. Then I felt a soft tap on my shoulder and I heard the deepest, sexiest voice you could ever imagine. He said ‘hi’. I turned to look at him. I was speechless. Then he said, “I couldn’t help but notice your beautiful eyes.” So I think I heard myself say, “thank you and yours are amazing.” For the first time in my life I wasn’t speechless.

From that day forward we were inseparable. We were so similar. He was quiet like me, but very confident. He was smart too. There were days we spent together just walking and holding hands. Oh yes, his name is Jacob and he’s in grade 11. Ever since that day, I never felt powerless again.