Re: Disappearance of Alexis Monroe

Dear Mr. Stone,

I haven’t spoken with Alexis in like six months, so I’m sorry if I get any details wrong. I’m not really sure where to start? I’m not really sure what’s all relevant with supernatural stuff, so please let me know if this isn’t enough.

I didn’t really know her that well at first. The store was huge and our shifts didn’t really line up. We never took breaks at the same time, and she didn’t stick around after clocking out, either. Sometimes the top-of-the-hour announcement would go off, I’d go off and pretend to face the shelves while I talked with Jeremy, and he’d go “there she goes.” I’d turn and see her practically jogging out the store. It makes sense now, I guess.

One shift, I kinda kept an eye on her the whole time? Her hair was in this wolf cut she’d never worn before, and it really worked on her, so I was looking at her when she went to clock out on lunch. I did the same, followed her. She got a book from her locker, went to the milk fridge, sat in the corner, and started reading.

That was weird enough but then I saw the book she was reading. Mirrors as Fetishes. The whole situation was so stupid that I was like “what the fuck?”

I don’t think she noticed me before that, because she took an earbud out, looked around, saw me in the doorway, and jumped. She followed my eyes to the book cover, and she had that sort of expression when your mom walks in on the worst scene in a show. Gave me this long explanation about how “it’s a spiritual thing” and “she’s not a weirdo” and “she’s just into talismans and rocks and stuff.”

So naturally I asked “why the freezer,” to which she said “nobody bothers her there,” which I thought was fair. We talked a little bit more. I thought we had something, but after like five minutes she just went “sorry, I need to finish this book” and put her earbud back in. I figured she was studying for finals or something and left her alone.

We actually had the same class the next semester, which was weird. She was just as quiet and quick to run off as before, but we actually got to talk a little. She spent most of her time reading through books about mirrors in spirituality, then mirrors in general, then like, light? I figured she was just autistic, so I thought maybe I’d connect with her if I asked her about her hyperfixation. I was barely following along as she started rambling about the “paradox of mirrors symbolizing truth and narcissism.” Apparently I asked all the right questions, though, because at some point her eyes lit up and she went “I never thought of that” and she ran off midway through class. It was the first time I saw her happy. She had a pretty smile.

A little after that she started wearing a covid mask and medical gloves all the time. I remember because a few days later, she ran off midway through the lecture again. Like twenty minutes later, I had to go to the restroom, and as I opened the door I caught her staring at the mirror. She slowly lowered her mask and I saw nothing for the first time. It was like being kicked in the stomach. I just stopped being able to breathe. I barely kept my breakfast down.

Like okay. Open photoshop. Put down one of those blind spot demonstration images. On a different layer put a face over one of the dots, then hide it. Close one of your eyes, get the distance where the dot disappears. While the dot’s gone, make the face layer visible again. That’s sort of what her face looked like. Just not there.

But it was still there in the mirror. Her lips were perfect as ever. But on the real non-mirror her, nothing.

So I was like “what the fuck” again, and she quickly pulled up her mask and took an earbud out, and I noticed from closer that her bangs were just to cover up the fact that her ears were gone, too. She started panicking, and I was panicking too, but I tried super hard not to show it. I promised not to tell anyone, but she pushed past me and ran off. I just stood there in the doorway.

She didn’t come to class for a few days after that. When she finally did, she was practically covered head-to-toe.

The week after midterms, she clocked out on lunch at the same time I did and basically dragged me to the freezer. She was smiling. I could only see her eyes, but I could still tell. She grabbed my hand and put my palm to her cheek. She pulled her mask down. And she asked, really excited, “did it work?”

Her lips were there, pretty as ever.

We went on our first date a few weeks after that. It was the Latte Lab on 16th, so it wasn’t that long a walk from campus. She held onto me the whole time. The way down, sure, but I had to eat my sandwich one-handed because she wouldn’t let go. It was kinda nice. I didn’t really have many relationships before that. I’d dated a couple guys, but we didn’t really care if each other lived or died. Being held onto for dear life was different. Better, I thought.

It started feeling like a job at some point. I couldn’t be gone too long or she’d start to disappear, which was bad for having a life. I left my book club to read at home. I quit spending time with friends one-on-one.  I’m the kind of person who can only really enjoy certain shows and movies by myself, so I just… stopped watching them.

I remember the last time I talked to Jeremy. He’d quit the store a week prior and we didn’t want to fall out of touch, so we decided to finally make good on his promise to watch the Birdemic movies with me. I asked Alexis if she was cool with that, and she asked why I wanted to go to his house by myself. Asked what she needed to change. I couldn’t get it into her head that I wasn’t into him like that, so I had to rain check. Said I’d tell him when I got her to chill out. And he told me, “You shouldn’t have to, man.” And we haven’t talked since.

Like eight months ago, it started. I was washing my hands and I noticed my fingerprints were gone. I freaked out and showed her, and she just looked away all guilty. I asked if she knew what it meant and she just… didn’t say anything at all. Gave me puppy-dog eyes.

At first it wasn’t that bad. After a few days, though, they started to hurt like hell. Felt like touching a stove and letting the burner sear my fingertips. I could barely touch anything, but eventually I just got used to the pain. Went on with my life for about a week.

Then the lines on my palm went, too.

We were going to try some Chinese place that’d just opened, and Alexis wouldn’t let go of my hand. Or, okay. I only asked her once. An “ow” and a “can you let go for a sec?” And she looked at me like I’d just killed her dog.

When we got home, I tried to sit her down and explain. She just had the worst panic attack I’ve ever seen. I couldn’t calm her down, and eventually she just burnt herself out and passed out. I tried a few more times, and every time it was like that. Not as bad, but still.

Eventually, I just gave up. Stopped trying. That was when my mouth went. That one hurt worse, like needles sewing my mouth shut. I could speak. With a mask on, no one could notice. But it hurt so bad I could barely think.

There wasn’t really anything she did that “crossed the line.” Honestly, I think she was just doing what’s best for her. But there came a point where I’d called off sick three days in a row. I was staring at this website selling exit bags. My fingers hurt from typing so I wasn’t really up to entering my credit card information. I just stared at the dry Arial. And it clicked that it was me or her.

She begged me to stay with her. Sobbed her eyes out, held onto my leg as I walked out. I just couldn’t do it anymore. My mouth came back. Then my palms. My fingertips haven’t come back yet.

I saw her at work once after that. Or like, I saw her apron. Read her name tag. Heard her voice. But I couldn’t discern anything about her. She was just nothing. I remember the last thing I said to her was “I’m sorry,” and she said “It’s okay” or something, and I never saw her again.

I’ve asked around a few times, and the store manager says she’s still showing up. Customers have mentioned her. None of our coworkers had any idea, though. I quit my job a couple months ago, but last time I checked, she was still on the work schedule. If you really can help her with whatever’s up with her, she’s probably still there. Just look for her nametag.

I know it’s a little hard to follow, and I’m grateful that you’re willing to believe me. I want the best for her. If there’s anything else I can help you with, please let me know.

Sincerely,

Lauren Brown