A Place Called Mind

Mid afternoon sun poured down even though winter had more than a month reserved. The sky appeared clear with a few gray masses hanging here and there. On the terrace, silence and calm ruled, however, some voices still leaked out from the house and rattled their reign.

With the next moment came screaming voices and loud footsteps inching closer and closer. A little girl no more than five ran around, screaming, “Pa, Pa, Pa…” When she found her Pa, she hurled herself forward and leapt like a cat and curled herself in Pa’s bosom.

The duo embraced the moment but how short-lived such moments are for the girl said, “Pa, why are there so many people in our house? Why is Ma shouting? Am I really going away from you?”

“Piyug,” a woman called, “let her go.”

“She came to me,” Piyug hissed, tightening his grip. “She’s staying with me.”

“Oh, the court will decide that,” the woman said. She bridged the gap and wrestled the little girl away.

The little girl screamed and shrieked, flailing her arms at the woman and in the air.

A vein in Piyug’s forehead throbbed, his fists curling and uncurling. As he danced on his tips to rush and pull his little away from the woman, a hand on his shoulder woke him up. His feet found ground and he turned away as tears began steaming down his cheek while the little girl’s cries assaulted every fiber of his being.

“What a man is supposed to do when everything is against him!” Piyug cried after his blood settled down.

“If you can prove you can provide for her,” the man beside Piyug said, “we might have a chance.”

“No one’s looking to hire,” Piyug said with malice.

“Job’s not the only way to provide for you know,” the man said.

Piyug snorted and uttered, “Huh?! I’m not that man anymore and you know that.”

“And perhaps that’s the problem,” the man said.

A forlong tear hung out on his cheek, tickling as it slid down. Piyug whipped it and said, “Yea, maybe. And maybe, I just need to find that or I-I don’t know, be that man again.”

Waxing moon climbed the sky by the time Piyug stood at the edge of the last human civilization in Himalayan mountains. Smoke from campfire in the distance marked horizon with a grayish haze. The lights oozing from the houses’ windows felt like opening their arms to welcome him. With cold seeped and settled deep in his bones, Piyug plodded through four-five inches of snow blanket with vigor after seeing fire.

Once he crossed the arch on the entrance, villagers around the fire first eyed this newcomer and then exchanged a few words among themselves. After nodding to each other a middle-aged man approached Piyug.

After going up and down over Piyug’s stature twice, the man said, “What you want?”

With his lips sealed, Piyug raised his shivering arm and pointed to the fire. Without waiting for any sort of nod or ‘okay’, he jogged towards the campfire and sat on the wooden bench next to it.

He heard the villagers whispering but he couldn’t care less lest he gets warmth for the moment.

For minutes he sat with his arms wrapped around the fire and legs spread out as he’d jump into the fire any moment. As warmth battled the cold inside of him, he loosened his jacket and pulled face mask down to breathe deep till his lungs said no more. He groaned as hot air surged down his windpipe.

After three lungful of air, he said, “Thank the heavens!” His hoarse voice made him jump a little. “Damn, I haven't used my vocal muscles for two days.” He massaged his throat and coughed to redeem his voice.

A gentle tap on his shoulder made him realize the situation. He stood up and apologized with his hands joined together.

An elderly woman with a bowl eyed him. The steam from the bowl kept rising and swaying in the air. The aroma rushed into Piyug’s nostrils, making him drip water from his mouth and onto his chin. He danced on the balls of his feet to snatch that bowl out of the woman’s hand like a monkey would snatch banana and disappear somewhere to eat in peace.

The elderly woman handed him the bowl before the monkey in Piyug surfaced.

The villagers savored the moment after Piyug turned the bowl upside down and left not a strace of the soup.

After wiping his mouth, he sighed, “That was the best thing since forever.” He went to the lady and thanked her over and over.

The old woman kept a straight face and kept looking at the man who questioned Piyug when he entered the village. The man shook his head and translated what Piyug said. Like an early summer morning, the lady burst into a smile.

Just like her soup giving warmth to the body, her smile warmed his heart. Piyug nodded and thanked her again.

“You done?” the man said, “I have a word with you, fat man.”

Piyug shot the man a look, cautioning him of walking on thin ice.

The man remained stoic and gestured with his neck to the side. Piyug obliged.

“Who, why you here?” the man said, crossing his arm.

“I’m Piyug Juhade, nice to meet you. I guess I'm lost.”

The man arched his brow. “Yes?”

“Yea,” Piyug nodded.

“You too fat to lost,” the man said.

Piyug suppressed bubbling rage with a crooked half smile. “Ha-ha, yea that’s funny. I mean, I lost my way and I don't know where I am.”

“Where you go?”

“I-I’ve no idea, my friend.”

The man narrowed his eyes and said, “You stupid?”

“What? What, no. I’m not. What makes you think- oh, I see. Yea, yea. You could say I’m stupid. I’m like really, like really stupid. I mean I’m here in the middle of nowhere and I’m looking for myself so that I can keep my little girl.” When the man's expression remained the same, he added, “You have no idea what I am saying, now do you?” Then Piyug gazed at the man as if the man would tell Piyug where he’d find himself.

The man stroked his beard. “Hmm… stay here. I help find you.” He tapped Piyug’s shoulders and repeated, “I help find you.” The man rejoined the group of his fellows and had a quick chat. After a while they all nodded at Piyug.

“But I’m here. Right here, you old fart,” mumbled Piyug.

The mountains shed the sheets of snow, heralding the onset of early spring.

While the sun kissed the brim of the horizon, the man entered the room and woke Piyug saying, “Time, you go.”

When Piyug finished his morning ritual and stepped outside, the man handed him a lunchbox and a wattle bottle. Frowning at the gesture, he said, “Am I going somewhere?”

“Yes, find yourself,” the man said. He then opened a map which fitted just fine on his palm and continued, “Follow this,” his finger tracing the dark, sharp line drawn on it. “You find yourself.”

Piyug cracked his neck and said, “Okay! Time to put all those stories to test.”

His trek led him through thickets and valleys, and then on a knoll overlooking two lakes that covered the area of thirty football fields. The path in between them made him correct himself as the lake had split into two as the villagers had said it would be. He sighed after gauging the distance and landed a few punches on his legs.

The moist soil caved in underneath him more than he’d liked it to. The water trickled in his shoes with each step and jabbed cold strikes at his feet. As dusk approached he shivered watching birds flying home and calling it a day; he clutched at his heart as his eyes traced their trajectory, and said, “Man, I want to curl up in a bed right now too.” However, he kept treading on and on.

For another hour he plodded and when he reached where villagers said he’d find what he’s looking for, a wooden, ashen bench and a rusty, worn lamppost greeted him. He slung his bag from shoulder and let it fall on the ground. Walking with a frown towards the bench, he sized his greeters. He then made a full circle around both, while sliding his finger along the hem of the bench and leaving his prints on the lamppost.

“So, how the heck are you going to help me, eh?” he cried, his shoulders sagging. “All this walk and a month of waiting for what? This…” he flailed his arms at both. “Argh…” he rubbed his head, messing up his already messed up hair, “What am I supposed to do now?” He kept his gaze leveled, looking at nothing in particular. As seconds melted away, cold crept deep into him. He fell down butt-first and buried his head in his lap. For a while he cursed himself for trusting a bunch of myth believing villagers and then his own stupidity for believing in the myth.

By the time he found his feet, the sun had called it a day too, leaving only an afterglow as its regard to the world. The stars had woken up in the sky and the crescent moon hurried to take up the mantle. 

“Well, the view isn’t so bad,” Piyug sighed at his last ditch attempt to salvage something. He walked up to the bench and gave it a long look. Then he stared at the lamppost and said, “Looks like you don’t run on electricity.” His face wrinkled the next moment, “Which reminds me of…” he found his bag on the ground and upturned it. An oil container, large wick, and matchbox fell out of a small cloth. “Hmm… yeah, well, let’s give it a try.” Opening the lid of the lamp, he poured oil, set the wick in the crevice and lit it.

The buttery light came alive and painted everything around Piyug.

The pale moonlight, the afterglow of the sun, and the golden light of the lamppost, all competed for Piyug’s attention.

“Ah, now you’re talking,” he said as he spun around himself, taking everything in all at once. Breathing as if there won't be the next breath, he glanced at the sky with his arms reaching out to it, like he could grasp it any moment, and took a full moment to himself. When his fists caught only air, he returned them by his hips and exhaled till his chest sank on itself. The horde of stars filled the empty spaces and began twinkling, populating every corner as far Piyug’s eyes could go.

He packed his bag and lifted it up. Before heading back, he took a look at the lamppost and the bench. The lamppost only illuminated half of the bench. Arching his brows, he went to the bench and sat in the middle of it. Then he just melted on the bench sighing like an old man who found a place to sit after hours of standing; the drowsiness and weariness knocked at the doors of his soul. With eyelids dying to meet each other, he couldn’t resist and allowed them to meet.

“Enjoying it now are we?” a voice said.

Piyug bolted like a deer as soon as he heard the voice. He stood on his toes with the bag on his side to shield himself.

The figure underneath the brilliant light gave Piyug a look. “Who the hell are you?” it said.

I should definitely run, but run where? There’s nothing here. Why is there a ghost here? Why? Why? Why? Colors faded from his face as his mind reeled with the revelation. What should he do?

A scream crept up to Piyug’s throat but disappeared as he stared at the figure in front of him. “Wait a minute,” he said, taking a step closer. “Y-you… you look like m-me.”

“Nah, I don’t,” the figure said.

“You look exactly like me when I was younger,” Piyug said.

“Ghee, that’s how I look years from now?” the figure said. “The heck what happened?”

“W-what do you mean by that’s how I look years from now? I’m just fine,” Piyug said.

“Yeah, right, if that’s so, why are you here?” younger Piyug said.

Piyug raised his arm but no convincing lies conjured so he lowered it and said, “Things happen, man. Life happens. That’s why I’m here.” he stroked his chin. “Wait, that’s partly true but I don’t even know why I’m here, I mean right here,” he pointed where he stood. “And why you’re here is also a mystery to me.”

“If that’s supposed to mean something I’m lost,” said the younger one. 

“How does it work?” Piyug said. “Or you’re really a g-ghost who t-took the form of younger me and now you’re talking to me.”

The younger one burst out laughing and cried, “You see, this guy is still dumb as ever. Are we really meant to help him? We should leave him be.”

Piyug glanced over his shoulder and found another figure staring at the sky. “What the…”

“Yeah,” the younger one said, closing in the gap, “that’s us, but like really, really old.”

“What the hell is this place?” Piyug shrieked.

“A place to find answers about yourself,” the older one said. He turned and said, “You want answers, and what better could be than thinking about your past and future at the present. This place just brings everything together at once and helps you form a better perspective.”

The younger one climbed the lamppost and said, “Yeah, like you were thinking how you were when you were a teen and then you were thinking how your future would look like five years from now because you’re in some situation.”

“How do you guys know what I was thinking about?” Piyug said, his pulse increasing and palms breaking out in sweat.

“We’re only here for a brief moment. So you could ask useless questions or get this guy’s,” the older one said pointing to the younger one, “boldness and courage, and,” pointing to himself, “mine wisdom. So what will it be?”

“Yea, I understand,” Piyug said, though his eyes slid to the left but he replaced it with a smile. “So I’m going through-”

“Yea we know,” the younger one said.

“Oh, okay, and I need-”

“Yea, we know,” the older one said.

“Hmm… of course, I see, and I was thinking-”

“Yea, we know, again,” the younger one said.

Piyug sighed. “Fine, so I was going to-”

“Yea, we know,” the older one said.

“Am I allowed to talk?” cried Piyug. “Gee, you know everything! So just tell me what’s going to happen and let’s be done here.” A white silence followed his words. He spun around to cool off and added, “Okay, that was my bad but still just tell me what’s going to happen.”

“That’s not how it works,” the older one said. “I’m not from the future. He’s not from the past. We are but manifestations of your conscience here to help you make a choice and not foretell a future. You set out on a journey to find yourself and how do you think you’re going to find yourself?” Piyug shrugged. “By borrowing foresight from me and recklessness from him. That’s all you need.”

“But how should I?” Piyug said, raising his arms. “Aren’t you going to show me how?”

“Pretty simple, actually,” the younger one said, dropping down from the post, “by knowing you can handle it if things go south and down the hill even if nobody’s there beside, behind you.”

Piyug crossed his arms and took a long look at the sky. “That’s it then? All this traveling and waiting for this?” He waited for something more concrete and precise. When nothing came, he added, “It’s a pretty let down, you know,” he sighed as he arched his back.

“We’re telling you this from the start,” the older one said, “but you were busy elsewhere with what-ifs. So all this traveling and waiting just to find a place quiet enough to allow us to be heard.”

As the light went out the darkness rushed in to conquer, the two of them withered away like dust scatters when gale rises, leaving Piyug with an empty face. And now streaming light from the ever-brilliant stars and the drowning moon glowed.

Two days later when Piyug strolled in the village, the old man greeted him and said, “Those eyes of a man, found himself.”

“Yea, well, all I needed was to be a quiet place but all I had was a noisy mind. So, thank you for that. You know, showing me the place and how to actually find myself.”

“What you do now?” the man said.

Piyug’s face burst into a smile and he cracked his knuckles. “I’ll send you an invite.”