Let these wings of mine fly

Blake keeps switching the radio station which is annoying but I don't say anything because it makes her happy. We have only four hours to go until we hit the California Border, maybe five with the way Blake is driving.

"Do you think Mom is going to be mad?" Blake says this as another car speeds past us giving us a look.

"It's probably going to take her a week to even notice we are gone," I say.

This makes Blake laugh but it's true. Mom isn't the most attentive. I think I get that from her.

"Yeah, but we did steal her car."

"We did not steal her car. She gave it to you, you just haven't switched the registration to your name. This was supposed to be a spontaneous trip which means we aren't supposed to tell anyone...we just do."

"But this isn't just another road trip Harvie, we aren't exactly going back to Arizona."

"We are going back to Arizona, just not back home and not anytime soon. You came up with this plan, you can't just back out of it. Mom won't even be worried it'll be a burden off her shoulder.” 

She doesn't say anything and I don't expect her to. She knows I'm right but she won't admit it. Blake had always been a momma's girl and Mom had made no effort to try and hide who she loved the most.

“You think Mom is going to be ok? She’ll miss us.”

She’ll miss you, not us.

“I don’t know but she has to be. Mom always comes out on top.”

That was the biggest lie if I ever told one.

She hasn't been the world's best Mom. She's here but she isn't here. 

Two years ago Moms' sister Lucy died. It wasn't something unexpected, she had been sick for a long time but it still destroyed Mom. I had always liked Lucy (that’s what she told me to call her. She said calling her Aunt Lucille was too formal). She lived in Virginia so we didn't see her much but when she came down she would bring down a notebook full of crazy superstitions she made up or learned from other people. Mom and Blake weren't into that stuff. Every time Lucy brought it over along with her crystals and tarot cards Mom would throw a fit. Now that I think about it, there was hardly a time they got along.

The one time they did was at her funeral. 

After Lucy died she left nothing, not even a will. No letter saying she loves everyone. No inheritance or fancy jewels. That broke Mom. Her sister didn't leave anything to her. I think that’s why Mom hurts so much. Maybe she thought Lucy would leave a letter saying that she never hated her but the only thing she left was the notebook and that was left for me. 

When Lucy was gone it was like she took a part of Mom with her. She took a chunk of all of our lives in some weird way. Maybe that is her way of saying goodbye. 

"What are you thinking in that head of yours?"

“Just about Aunt Lucy.”

“Hm. Where do you think she is now?”

“Well according to her notebook she would want to be reincarnated as a Crow. You know she even has a tattoo of a Crow on her back?”

“Why a crow?”

“They are very intelligent animals and their significance differs in each religion. I think it’s cool.”

She rolls her eyes, “of course you do. Not to burst your bubble but that can’t be true. you should throw that notebook away. It is starting to corrupt your brain.”

“That notebook was probably the reason she died.” That is what my sister really wants to say but she knows that Lucy’s death is a sore subject.

“Let’s just not talk about it, ok?” 

“Just promise me you won't get stuck on that stuff. Mom doesn’t like it.”

She keeps looking at me through the rearview mirror but I ignore her.

I wonder if this is what Moms’ and Lucys’ relationship was like.

I know I shouldn’t say a rebuttal but I open my mouth anyway.

“I think you are just jealous.”

I swear she starts twitching.

“Do you always have to be such a brat about everything? I’m not jealous of you or Lucy. I think you guys are both crazy.”

“Stop calling her crazy. She’s still family, you know.” 

“Are you scared you’ll see her ghost or something? Is she going to haunt me?”

“Dude stop. That’s not something to joke about.”

“Whatever.”

“Can we stop? We are supposed to be having fun.”

“Whatever. We need gas.”

We sit in silence for the longest time. It had always been this way with my sister. We would say hurtful words to each other, taking bits and pieces of our souls until one of us got upset and left; it was always me leaving.

An hour later we stopped at a shady-looking gas station. Blake gets out to pump the gas and I get out to stretch my legs.

She puts the pump into the gas tank and leans on the car. The Nevada sun beats down on us but it’s nothing compared to Arizona.

I walk over to Blake and move her sunglasses over her eyes, “Can I see the card? I want to get another drink.”

“Sure but we only have-”

Her voice stops midair, she pulls her sunglasses back on her head, and her mouth lingers open.

I look up where she stares at. Perched on the top of our car is a crow. A big crow with large black wings and beady black eyes. 

We both stare at it and it stares back. It bobs its head up and down as if talking to us then it lifts up its wings and flies up into the sky becoming a speck in the clear sky. Neither one of us said anything as we got back into the car and started the drive, heading the same way as the crow.