Desert Forgiveness

It was supposed to be just another normal Tuesday afternoon. Dusty was scheduled to work at her crummy call center job that she despised more than anything else in this world. Her phone sat on her bed as she went to get in a shower before work. She came back out ten minutes later, putting her sun-bleached hair into a towel to dry before picking up her phone and lighting up the screen. A chill ran through her bones as a banner with a message from Leith shattered her heart. Leith. Leith had been her one true love for three years and a part of her life off and on for four years. It all started with a coaxing to meet with the offer to ride his aunt's horse November of 2013, and had ended abruptly when he chose to up and move back to his home state of Alaska. 

His move to Alaska started out as promising. The weeks leading up to the move, there was talk of Dusty joining him. The talk soon turned into plans, Dusty would finish her seasonal job, giving Leith a three-month head start to get their life set up in Alaska, and then Dusty would leave to join him. It was terrifying, the thought of picking up and leaving everything she had ever known. She’d lived in Idaho her entire life, and never thought of living anywhere else, let alone 3,000 miles away. However, once he moved, he cut off all contact, leaving Dusty in a state of disarray and a world of hurt, wondering what she did wrong to make him ghost. 

Dusty stared at the text, speechless as she sat down on her bed. There were a million replies running through her brain. She unlocked her phone and clicked on the messenger app, fully prepared to tell him off. He had no right to do this. Show back up after almost a year and a half after disappearing and leaving her heart in shambles. 'Why Now?' Is all she managed to type before she hit send. She just didn't have it in her to be rude to the boy she loved so much. She waited with baited breath for a reply. Watching her phone for the read receipt and then the dots popped up. He was replying already! 

She couldn't bear to watch any longer. She locked her phone and tossed it down toward the end of the bed as she stood up to get ready for work. Once she was dressed, she walked over to the end of her bed, staring at the orange and pink cactus case. It was on silent, so of he'd replied already.... it'd be the first thing that showed as soon as she light the phone up. Dusty reached out and picked it up, flipping it over. She clicked her home button and sure enough, a banner displaying a reply graced her screen. 

'Because I'm in town and you can come beat me up.' 

She gasped at his reply. He was in town? Why now had he come back from Alaska? She picked over her thoughts, dredging up memories of sitting in the sun by a river surrounded by his family members. Ah, it must be the time of year for his family reunion, that is why he is here. She unlocked her phone and text back. ' I work tonight, but I'm off tomorrow. Can I see you then? When do you leave town?' Once again, she tossed her phone down as she sat down to pull her boots on. She looked up to her clock, wishing she didn't have to go to work, she would be troubled with scenarios until she got closure. Closure that she had been desperately needing to be able to move on for almost two years now. Another reply light up her screen as she picked up her phone. ' I leave on a Greyhound at 3am. What time are you off work?' 

'Midnight. Can we meet in Twin? That's where I work.' 

'Midnight is fine. IHOP parking lot?' 

She was taken aback at his immediate reply but then she typed a simple yes in return and grabbed her keys headed to work. This was going to be a rough night. 

He was standing outside his car, leaning on the hood, smoking one of his hand rolled cigarettes. She parked and walked over, shaking like an abused dog, absolutely scared out of her mind. 

" Hey stranger." He smiled, his blue eyes going right through her guarded heart. " Hi." Dusty replied back. They stood in silence for several minutes before he spoke again. " You can leave if you want." He stated as he dropped the remainder of his cigarette and stomped it out. " It's just awkward... why'd you disappear?" She managed to get the words that had been burning her tongue for so many months out into the open. He let out a deep sigh, " Things didn't go as I hoped they would once I got up there. You know me, I disappear when the depression hits. I know it's awkward. It's my fault." Dusty inhaled sharply. She did know he'd disappear, but to hear it wasn't her fault... that was music to her ears. " I got to get the car back to Uncle Gilbert, but if you don't want to run off and never see me again, we can go hang out in the desert like old times for a little bit before my bus gets here. Catch up...", the hopeful look in his eyes crushed her. She couldn't say no. She nodded and soon found herself following him to his uncle's, a house she still knew the way to without his help. She had visited him there several times in the last month before he moved away. 

  It was a full moon and the desert glowed under it as Dusty pulled down one of its many dirt roads and killed the engine. She pressed herself against her door panel, as far from him as she could get and tipped her head back to look up at the stars. He spoke the entire drive out there of his life up in Alaska. He also asked questions about her life back here which she replied to everyone with the shortest amount of words she could muster. She never once looked at him, she couldn't afford to if she was to stay strong and not fall back in love with him. 

  Silence overtook them as she stared out to the stars. She was lost in the galaxy when a feeling slammed into her like a freight train. Leith had reached over and grabbed her hand, and just like that, the walls he'd been weakening all night long completely shattered. He gave a light tug, encouraging her to come closer and so she did, allowing herself to be wrapped in one of the tightest hugs she'd ever received. It felt as if he never wanted to let her go again. "I'm so sorry I disappeared." "It's ok", Dusty's voice cracked with her reply, but once again- she refused to cry. " No. it wasn't ok for you and it wasn't ok of me. I should've never left." He replied as he loosened his grip and brought a hand to her face to tip her chin upwards so his blue eyes could meet her chocolate ones. She swore his eyes were more spectacular and mesmerizing in the pale moonlight than they were in the daylight. Her heart was racing by now as the butterflies she thought were dead came to life in her stomach. His lips met hers softly as if she screamed fragile and too much pressure would shatter her completely. She buried her head back into his chest as he settled his on top of her head. He spoke about maybe someday coming back for good. Buying a house, doing it right. " I wish you didn't have to leave so soon." Dusty sighed. She couldn't help it. No amount of time apart would ever make her not love him, no matter how hard she tried to hate him. " I wish I didn't. Can I just stick you in my bag and take you with me?", Leith joked. "Maybe you can come visit me? If you get vacation time, all you'd have to do is pay for your flight, I can cover the rest." "I do get a week worth of vacation come September when I hit my year at the call center." Dusty looked back up to him, meeting his smile with her own. "That would be amazing. I'd love to see you again and show you around up there." He kissed her again, this time with far more enthusiasm, and this time, she kissed back. His hands moved down her back and under her shirt. tracing along the top of her shorts. 

Things got heated and they lost track of time as they were entangled in each other. All too soon his alarm went off signaling they needed to head back into town to catch his bus. They got dressed and he stepped out of the truck for a quick smoke. As they drove across the bridge back into town a greyhound was headed the other way. When they made it to the bus stop, it was empty. " I swear if that was my bus, I'm going to be pissed." He exclaimed. " There is no way that was your bus, it was over a half hour early leaving. They wouldn't do that." She replied. And so, they waited. Three AM came and went and soon it was four AM and he was on the phone with the bus company who stated the bus was delayed in Salt Lake and would be another three hours. He laid down, resting his head in her lap. She ran her fingers through his short hair, relaxing him to sleep. 

Three more hours passed and there was still no sign of a bus. This time when he called, they gave him the answer that the bus had already come and gone. He was furious at that point. He was offered a spot on the next bus coming through in another three hours, and so he took it. However, those three hours passed as well with no bus in sight. He then called his bank and cancelled the payment to the bus company and then called up his parents to see if he could hitch a ride with them to Boise to fly out to Seattle instead. " Do you mind taking me to my Uncle Will's house in Wendell?" He asked her. " Of course, I don't mind." She smiled and they started out of town once more, headed to his Uncle's house. The house with the horse, the house where they first met, the house where she last seen him before he took off to Alaska. 

All too soon, she was pulling into his uncle's driveway. They got out and he gave her another soul crushing hug and soft kiss. "Thank you for everything." He said with a smile. She returned his smile with her own before a frown graced her face. " So, I suppose this means I'll have to anticipate you disappearing again once you make it back to Alaska?" She couldn't help but to ask. " Don't be silly. You're stuck with me again. I don't get the best service up there, but as long as I am at home where the WIFI is, I'll be able to answer anytime." She nodded and for the very first time, in all the years she'd known him, she actually said good-bye. She'd always been afraid to before, thinking that saying good-bye meant permanent, but not this time. This time she was sure of it that he meant good on his word. He wouldn't totally disappear this time and now she would have to start saving for a trip to Alaska for real. She got in her truck and drove off, watching him wave in her rear-view mirror. She gave a wave back before turning on the road and driving back to her home. She'd now been awake for over twenty-four hours and as much as she wanted to just go to bed as soon as she got home, she knew that wouldn't happen. Instead, she took a shower and broke out her journal. Her goal this year was to keep a daily journal entry and she definitely didn't want to wait on writing about last night. She wanted to be able to write every last detail so she could always remember the night she forgave the boy she wholeheartedly loved in the desert where some of their fondest memories took place.