Its Raining Men

18/09/2021

Its raining men!!!

Well, here I am, a widow of 10 years. I’m just starting to come out from behind the long black cloud. Grief at my darling Husbands sudden passing kept me going for all these years.

Now however, my children were getting worried about me living all alone. I guess they wanted to stop feeling guilty about leaving me home all alone, day after lonely day. To be fair, they were genuinely concerned about my social life. Or lack thereof.

My husband Stephen was a quiet muso. I know a contradiction in terms. From the time he taught himself to play the guitar, he was always lead singer in bands. He had a beautiful, sexy, soft and tender voice. Listening to him sing made every lady in the house feel that it was just for them. He did sing just for me and to me, very, very often. At the end  though, when he felt himself failing, he would sing “ Have I told you lately that I love you” every time he touched a microphone. Always made me go weak at the knees. Especially when he danced with me while singing it.

Anyway, when we lost him, our family were inconsolable. Our 2 girls and son were devastated. My parents and siblings were devastated. He was such a darling. Who could replace him? I looked around, nothing even close in sight.

So one day my daughter decided I’d had a long enough grief period. She signed me up on a dating website. I was horrified. No way was I doing that. So she cajoled me into ‘just a little practice session’. It was fun answering all the questions. Thinking and focusing on all the various aspects of my life was fun. What did I like, dislike in myself? Like/dislike in a man? Age group, hobbies, religion etc etc etc.

We played around with the answers, truthful but with a comic twist to each one. Eg. I wanted a Gentleman and a gentle man. I would like to get to know someone before the ‘roll in the hay’. That must have turned a lot of men away… Thank goodness. I took a line from one of the men on offer ‘ wanted a partner not a nurse or a purse’. I also wanted a good dancer.  Then we picked some good photos to advertise the goods, recent ones in various poses, to titillate, tempt and tease without being a lie. What they see is what they get.

Kitty talked me into uploading this for a trial week or two. Instantly, 5 men clamoured their interest. What a shock!!! I thought it might take a week or two. They were perfect, on the surface. Just the kind of men I would be interested in. Within the next 20 mins there were so many, the site sent me a message saying they had to stream them as they were clogging the system. Or words to that effect!!! Hahaha, I couldn’t believe it. There were over 50 men interested!

IT WAS RAINING MEN!!! 

Wow, I remembered how it felt to be in demand. Long lost memories of my days at University. All those boys at Uni, thousands of them. I soon had a following of about 10 Romeos. I must say that rather than being a raving beauty, I was a kind and soft person. I think this was the attraction. Dreamy Pisces. So, I thought the rains had ended after my first marriage. After 5 years , we were washed up. Another few years and I was married for the second time, Stephen. A wonderful marriage!!! 

Now here I was, in another deluge!!! Suddenly, the art of flirting came back to me. So one by one I tried each man out, talking, flirting, joking with them to test their sense of humour. 

One of the first few, I’ll call Brad, posted that he wanted an obedient girl, who would stay home and do  for him. What a nerve!!! I told him my name was ‘ Mistress Wendy’ and as he had been a bad boy I would have to punish him. What was his pleasure. He got so excited, just like a puppy. After a bit more chastisement, I told him to get a dog and blocked him.

Another man was apparently quite well off. He started well enough, wanted to meet for coffee, which became dinner and then a sumptuous seafood dinner on the water. He loved the fact that I was an independent Lady, with no interest in his money. Very promising, till it kept evolving and ended up with a pasta dinner in his flat that overlooked the water, a ‘roll in the hay’ and then, maybe… a dance. I laughed and said no. Then to his repeated entreaties I had to block him too.

Then there was one I really liked. Just the right amount of gaiety, tempting teasing. Bit slow on the invitation to meet for coffee or something. He finally, after 2a month, asked me to go out somewhere on a Saturday. Well I work Saturdays so I suggested Sunday, my fun day. Oh no he says, that’s his family day with his ‘current’ wife. But she doesn’t love him. Together just for finances etc etc. The sneaky sly dishonest cheek of him. I should have reported him.

Speaking of dishonest, there were the scammers. They were engineers, sea Captains etc. They worked on oil rigs and engineering feats around Malaysia, Philippines . Scammers all of them. I did report them.

Around this time, social media was flourishing. I met some lovely men on there. One of the first men I talked to often was not used to talking, flirting with a lady. He’d actually never been with a lady because his mother was a dragon lady who wanted to keep him as a slave. At her beck and call. Most mothers would wish their son to fulfil his life- with a wife, children, a great job, a house etc. Not this one. She had persuaded him to put his earnings into a joint bank account with her and she would help him save for his house. The poor trusting stupid soul handed over all his wages and when it reached 100 Rs she divided it into 4 and gave it to her 4 girls. Didn’t even say it was from him. Needless to say, I turned his life around to a degree. Its been 5 years I’ve known him. After the first 2 years, I fell heavily in love with him. His mother thwarted our efforts to meet, so we stayed Facebook friends on again/ off again. Mostly off again. She has banned him from even speaking to me. He has his own bank account now. He speaks fluent flirting. Everyone asks him out and offers to marry him and take him out of India. He runs quite a few pages and sites on facebook , and thousands of people. He says he loves only me, but  the biggest twist of all, is he believes it. I think. I cannot live with a lily livered man. 

And then along came John ( false name) , an entertainer. In Sydney. Hot, hot, hot, but because of lockdown, we’ve never met. Doesn’t mean we wont after lockdown!!!

I’ve also had a very influential, international lawyer on the hook. But I’ve released him. Then, a few years ago, I met some lovely men from the Australian regional areas. 3 or 4 hours away from me. I got on very well with one but he was due to have a hip replacement and would have been out of circulation. So that fizzled out.

The other man was a lovely man. I fell in love with him. But he’s a bit unhinged and kept going off the deep end. Had crazy children and even crazier grandchildren. 3 ex wives. Again, on again/ off again dotty friendship. Had to let him go.

Another one of my FB friends seemed wonderful!!! Too nice to be true. Gave me a wake up call in the morning, a goodnight call at night before I went to sleep. And lots of calls thru the day. He said he was a fantastic jiver, loved to dance. Too good to be true right? So I kept testing him. His English slipped often so I hassled him about it. He got defensive. I told him that hound dog was playing on the radio. What dance would he do to that? Jive was what I was looking for. He started accusing me of being mean and calling him names. He was a scammer after all. He had to go.

One of my FB friends became a follower. He’d ring me daily, video chat, and kiss my picture, tell me he loves me. But he cooled off again /on again when he thought I still loved the mummy’s boy. I don’t. Not to do anything about.

So here I am in the present, one in Kolkatta rings me every few days, has a busy schedule. The other one in Kolkatta send me lots of funny posts and cynical bits and pieces. He is adamant he doesn’t flirt.

The one in London is very attentive, very sweet but is waiting for a Bondi tram. (There aren’t any).

My current man is one I’ve known before, met him on one of the dating sites. He’s a darling. He’s the first person I speak to in the morning, he calls to wish me good morning. He talks to me all the way to and from work, about an hour each way. A really lovely time together. Messages me all thru the day. Speaks to me for hours at night. I haven’t met him yet but he is only 3 hours away from me. As soon as Lockdown is over, we will see each other. I don’t think he likes me talking to other men, but what can I do?

 Its raining Men and I don’t have a brolly!!!