Mother.

“Ring, ring.”

“Ring, ring.”

“Ring, ring, rrringggg!”

Mary stared sullenly at her phone. It kept vibrating on the dining table in front of her, with the third ring increasing in both intensity and volume. She held it up in her hand, looking intently at the name displayed on the phone. “Mum and Dad” flashed on the screen, with a sliding bar at the bottom. Fidem looked up from her laptop on the couch. “Is that Grandma?”.

Mary looked up at her daughter, eyes and expression conveying what she was not saying in words. Fidem nodded sagely, adjusted her spectacles and went back to browsing the internet.

“Rrrringgggg!!!” The phone protested one last shrilling time before a cold silence followed. Mary breathed a small sigh of relief. She glanced at the phone screen again – “Mum and Dad”, five missed calls. All in the span of two hours.

She had just come back from a three day vacation with her own mother in Thailand. “Vacation” was a vastly loose term, when Fidem had spied her entering the house late last night she had accurately pointed out how Mary felt – “You look like death”. They had a brief catch up over late night supper discussing how the trip was but Mary had to rest after an intense three days and it had been cut short.

Mary took a sip of her coffee. She let the bitter taste swirl slightly in her mouth before swallowing. Fidem spied her again from the corner of her eye. “Mum, just block her if she’s bothering you so much,” Mary glanced at Fidem disapprovingly but Fidem recognised the signs – the furrow of the eyebrows and the slight twitch of the lips. Mary was about to unleash a tirade and Fidem was ready to engage in deep reflection.

“It was so difficult to share a room with her, she doesn’t sleep and it’s always too hot or too cold for her. One minute she said the temperature was too cold, the next it was too hot. It was one thing after another the whole night. On the first day there I brought her out to eat but you know she only eats vegetarian and it’s not so easy finding vegetarian food. The staff at the hotel was really nice and recommended a vegetarian stall that was about a twenty-five minute drive away. After getting out from the taxi we had to walk another ten minutes to reach this cozy little stall but it was really crowded. Locals and expatriates were there and the food was really good. And it was reasonable as well. I really enjoyed it but do you know what she said? She thought the food was “low-class” and she was upset about having to walk that ten minute distance. She can no longer walk as well due to age but she absolutely refuses to use the walking stick – “I don’t need it” is all she keeps saying,”

Fidem nodded between intervals to indicate she was listening. By now, Fidem had mastered the art of managing to multitask perfectly. She was looking at job applications while at the same time listening to Mary’s rants. Mary had now gotten to the crux of her realisation.

“I realised something during this trip. She never answers me directly when I ask her about her childhood. I wanted to know what made her this way. How she refuses to take responsibility for her actions no matter what. Did you know she was the one who wanted to do the massage at the hotel? I told her we could do it someplace else but she wanted it to be near. I brought her over to the massage services at the hotel and showed her the place and asked her if she still wanted to use the hotel’s massage services. She chose it, she didn’t like it and then blamed ME afterwards for it. She avoids responsibility all the time and expects me to just miraculously read her mind. Throughout the trip, when I asked her if she was hungry she wouldn’t reply. Then if I ordered something, she gobbles the whole thing up. It was so tiring,” Mary lamented.

Fidem clicked send. She looked up at Mary and said, “Mum, you need to learn to ignore her. Ignoring your mother is a life skill”. Mary looked at Fidem and sighed. “She called Judas and my aunt today. She told them I was going around accusing her of things and painting a picture that she was the one at fault for everything. What she doesn’t even know is that both of them told me I was crazy for going on this trip with her”. Fidem got up from the couch and joined Mary at the coffee table. She placed her hands over Mary’s and said, “I love you Mum and I think you need to learn to say no or ignore Grandma. She’s been at you the past twenty or so years, don’t you think it’s time to move on?”

Mary looked at Fidem. There was a shimmer of tears in her eyes. Fidem gripped Mary’s hands tightly one last time and went to her bedroom. She had to get ready for bed soon and she had early morning college classes. Mary sat there for a while gazing out into their patio. The sound of crickets outside accompanied her solemn thoughts. Eventually she rose and retrieved a notebook and pen. She opened it and started writing –

Pros and Cons of my Mother.

Pro – She loves her family dearly. Con – You have to do things in her time, if she cooks she wants you to eat right now.

Pro – She dotes on her grandchildren. Con – She has no understanding of the value of money, if it was expensive it was a good meal or it was a good item.

Pro - … Con – She calls me multiple times a day and demands instant response.

Pro - … Con – She refuses to take any responsibility for anything.

Pro - … Con – She blames me for every single thing that has happened in her life. Even when I had nothing to do with it.

Pro - … Con – She is manipulative. If I do not answer her calls, she calls my children in a bid to make me call her back.

Pro - … Con –

“Bzzz”. Mary’s phone buzzed, signalling a notification. She paused and checked her phone. Her mother had sent her a Whatsapp voice recording. “Mary, that was the worst trip I have ever went on. You were so stingy the entire trip and the gall of you to ignore me,” Mary stopped listening and exited the app. With silent tears streaming down her face she proceeded to block her own mother on her phone. The notebook lay there, open and forgotten, with only the crickets chirping at it.