Two Decembers Later

Tw: anxiety

Sitting beside her I contemplated , the crisp air was palpable enough to tousle the hair but dwindled promptly and just waved through her hair instead, flaunting her striking highlights style she had tried that was trending during quarantine, I snickered under my mask because of the stark similarities that moment had with the excerpts from novels I always read. She turned to me squinting her eyes and laughed back knowingly at the thoughts simmering in my mind . Turning back at the skulking waves of the sea in front of us she literally said, "Let me catch a break will you? I'm having my main character moment right now" . We both sneered at the silly internet phrases that had become a part of our ludicrous type of conversations now.

The next remarks she made took me by astonishment, "I have never felt so genuinely happy, my heart is fluttering with this wind right now, like my perspective has changed quite drastically, had been feeling it since November I really don't why I let my past become such a huge part of me when all it has been is just a learning experience I wouldn’t be who i am now without it but that doesn’t mean I have to still hold on to who I was. Then what's the point of changing?"

These words that I had been eagerly wanting to hear were finally here!! I was so bewildered my heart beat fast-paced in anticipation. Why was I having such a staggering reaction to her words at this time, you ask me?

Flashback to September 2018,when she was at her lowest and no one could have guessed it, as to how thoroughly she had masked up her emotions it was so thorough even I could not have fully known what is going through her mind. But it wasn't until June of 2020 she finally opened up to me and the past events she'd been through came to my knowing the words still ring in my ears like a melancholic song that I remember so vividly and how I was in a solicitous state of mind! With each revelation she shared from her past I was languished to alleviate her but all I could do was wanting to hold her close forever for compensating all the moments she had lost due to effects of anxiety from the past happenings . Her resolution since ever so long had been to finally let go off the past and healing herself. Ever since September 2018 I have watched my best friend push through the agitated waves of gloom, it would get hard not to overthink when she went away for hours just as if a ship dwarfed in the giant waves of dark waters but just like an experienced ship captain who sailed through too many rough waters she came back out of there because she was trying and healing. She was growing through each day and forthcoming events but somewhere deep down I could see she still dwelled on to the bygone which triggered her PTSD and distressed her ever so often. She was never outspoken and always unclear about what she was going to do to overcome her demons but she always vented out to me gradually, if it wasn't for quarantine I would be by her side in a heartbeat so she would never feel loneliness creep up around but the both of us followed quarantine strictly. I always checked up on her fearful thinking what if the effects of quarantine might push her back into those thoughts but she was making positive progress I never pressed her for more details because I absolutely believed she would definitely overcome those and I could always discern that slowly but surely she was making progress and flourishing with every passing day.The journey to self healing was not plain sailing at all. There would be episodes which made her hit the low almost just like sun rays on a sunny day turning into shadows of dense gravel-grey clouds that indicating the approach of a dark thunderstorm creeping in but she always bounced back eventually each time just like the warm rays of sunshine hitting the wet grounds after the storm has passed by. Her mind clearing from a livid brewing storm to cocktail-blue skies and gradually as more time passed by, diverting her mind from the past thoughts that always resurfaced had started becoming less vulnerable to her now, as if her thoughts that were just like waters that once were raging and turbulent had swiftly pacified down yearning to achieve the state of tranquility that was always lingered as a craving.

That day almost three Decembers had past and she finally let go, sitting at seafront I felt a sense of serenity radiating from her aura. I can not express in words how proud I am of my best friend and how elated I felt to be a part of her journey towards a serene mind. We both gazed at the glowing medallion in the sky- the fine sun setting at the horizon and illuminating it with tangerines and pastels while the waves became rhythmic percussions. The fleeting colours of dusk began to fade away into the early black canvas of the cold dusky sky and a current of the chill electricity of the winter evening passed through us. But the realisation that she had completed her long standing resolution ignited a warmth of appreciation in my heart.

Throughout this even I realised that, you don't have to get rid of your past, your past changed you but you don't have to let it define you or your future. To anyone there who's trying to overcome their demons in silence should know I appreciate you, you are a warrior and writer of your own destiny, we all know 2020 has been a weird year but all the unnoticed battles you are fighting, you are going to succeed in it! Just don't give up so early give yourself a chance your soul is too pure to suffer the consequences when the demons in your mind make you give up. Even if no one is noticing your progress it's YOU who knows, you who is aware you are making it through each day. Don't forget to love and be kind to yourself because you are very much needed here. Happy New Year, Happy New You.