Experience

His sword clashed against mine. 

I didn’t want to do this, but I knew I had to. I knew I had to do this because I couldn’t let more people die. I love him with my soul but he doesn’t understand what will happen if I don’t do this.

My sword was pushed against his as I stared into his black eyes which were once a deep blue. I didn’t want to kill him, but I have to.

I have to.

I push a little harder and his sword slips. I quickly take my chance and plunge my sword deep into his chest.

His body hits the ground with a loud thump, and I can’t do anything but stare.

He looks up at me as his mouth fills with blood and chokes out, “Lyra?” 

The reality of what I did doesn’t kick in until his eyes change from black into the deep blue I’m so used to seeing. 

I looked down on him. It was over. He was gone. I killed him. Everything in me broke. Grief flooded my body. Tears overtook my eyes as I wrapped my arms around his lifeless body.

“I did it for us, you know.” Whipping the tears from my eyes I continued, “Nikos, I didn’t want to kill you. I didn’t want to. I was scared. I didn’t want more people to die. The sapium was connected to you. You had to die so the rest of us could live. I’m sorry that I tricked you into thinking that I could help you.” A sob racked through my body, “I wanted to help you. I wanted you to live. But you couldn’t. Not unless you wanted everyone else to die.” I was going to continue but then I heard footsteps. A lot of them.

“Lyra step away from him!” I knew the voice as well as I knew the back of my hand.

Reece.

I dropped Nikos to the ground. I was now covered in his blood. Blood from the stab wound. Where I stabbed him.

I turned to face Reece just as he was jumping down from his horse holding a sword. He ran towards me, pointing the sword at my heart. Then he looked behind me. I watched the moment of realization dawn on him. I watched the horror fill his face. I watched the tears fill his eyes.

He started to shake his head repeatedly saying, “No no no.” over and over again. Each time he said it, his voice got louder.

He put his own sword to my chest as one of the guards that were with him went to go check Nikos’ body. I didn’t have to look behind me to realize he looked up at Reece and gave a small shake of his head.

Reece’s sword pushed a little harder into my chest.

“You killed him.” His voice sounded breathless and shaky.

“I had to Reece.” Tears were forming in my eyes again, “It was attached to his soul. There was no other way.”

“Except that’s where you’re wrong Lyra. He didn’t have to die.” He laughed. It sounded so broken.

“What do you mean? I tried everything and as a last resort, I went to Lucille Evilian. You have to know that I tried everything I could before doing this.”

“Lucille Evilian? The witch? Damn it Lyra. That’s who you’ve been taking advice from?” his sword pushed a little harder, but it still hadn’t drawn blood, “You know if you would have stayed at the castle just a little bit longer instead of taking matters into your own hands like a naïve child, Nikos would still be alive.”

“What do you mean?” I repeated my question from before.

“You didn’t need to kill Nikos to separate the sapium from his soul.” I tried to take a step back but remembered what exactly was at my feet. Or rather who was at my feet, “Yeah Lyra, let that sink in. You killed our best friend for no reason. While you were running away with him just so you could kill him, I was finding a cure. One that we could use so our best friend didn’t have to die. Did you hear that Lyra because I don’t think you did. OUR best friend. Think about it Lyra.”

“No.” I actually took that step back this time, tripping over his body.

“You couldn’t have just waited a few more hours like I asked you to.” He threw the bottle that he was holding onto the ground, and it shattered, “You always had to do things your way even if it came with the worse outcome. Even if it meant killing our best friend.” He stared at me with tears flowing out of his eyes. “But he was more to you, wasn’t he? He wasn’t just your best friend, and you weren’t his. The two of you were in love. You killed the love of your life, Lyra. And I won’t let you get away with it.”

He held the sword to my chest as I dropped to my knees.

I would let him do it.

I would let him kill me. Because I killed him.

I killed the person I first held hands with.

“Why is your hair always so big?” the boy, Jack asked.

He’d been talking about my hair for a few days now, but Nikos had never been there to witness it. I just wanted to walk away like I had been for days prior but before I could Nikos took hold of my hand with fierceness as he stood up to the boy.

I stared between the two of them while Nikos just began to yell at the boy.

I’d never seen him talk loudly let alone yell and before I knew it the other boy’s face goes slack, and he begins to run in the opposite direction.

I can’t help but just stare at Nikos as he just breathes heavily staring at the boy running off.

Then he starts walking. Pulling me along with our entwined hands. He doesn’t attempt to pull his hand out of mine, he just holds my hand while I hold his. 

I killed the person I shared my first kiss with.

He’s looking down at me with that smile he always wears.

When he smiles his whole face brights up. His blue eyes sparkle and his dimple pops out.

As he stares down at me, his smile slowly fades, and his eyes go down to my lips and I can’t help my own glancing down at his.

Before I can even blink his lips are on mine and then off again. His eyes widen as he takes a step back as if he can’t believe he did that.

Then I make a decision. I step forward before he can move back again and place my lips on his.

This time he doesn’t step away.

I killed my first love.

I couldn’t help the giggle that bubbled up in my throat.

“You can’t laugh at the outfit, it’s a requirement.” He fakes a scowl.

“I can because it looks ridiculous.”

“It’s not every day a man becomes a knight.”

The outfit did look ridiculous, but I can’t help but also smile at the pride in his voice.

He’s right it wasn’t every day a man became a knight. He’s proud of himself and I’m proud of him too.

He worked hard for this moment. The moment he’s sworn into duty, and I can’t help but love him for it. 

I love him.

I love him.

I loved him.

And now he’s gone because of me.