You were almost at the finishing point when the light blew out and never lit again the rest of the night. You were devoid of sleep-hunger, kind of a person struggling with insomnia, so you kept spinning the wheels of your imagination till sky changed its color from black to grey. Then, in a diversion, you were in deep sleep, mouth half opened and eyes closed. The book was sitting on your chest, moving up and down like a to-and-fro motion along with each breath you took. You were reclining on the sofa, and had the book clasped in hand before the arms of sleep tightened its grip round you; the point of the story, you were at when the light had gone was swirling in your mind.

  All the way down, up to late in the morning, you remained ensconced on the sofa. But, for the aroma of butter and bread being heated over next door which swirled in from the room window pricked into your nostrils lifting you somewhat from the deep slumber.

  ‘Oh my goodness!’ You said. ‘I am never gonna change my habit in the weekends. Always sleep on this sofa.’

  Living alone has taught you many things which you would never have been learnt living with family. While, still perched on the sofa, the tale of the book again popped up in your thought. This time, you didn’t proceed to end the remaining chapter, rather pondered over the theme.

  You took a flight in your thoughts and traversed in the past, then, the only thing you could grasp was change. The pattern of life, transition between phases, unpredictability, your own physical being which now has garbed a contrasting guise compared to the earlier phases. These thoughts accentuated the theme of the story, ‘change is nature’s delight.’

  The closest friend of yours, who you met almost daily on the way back to your flat has now become seldom available. In the start, you were not okay, even it faltered your emotion. However, the time which passed made you understand and rubbed the sentiment off your mind. It wasn’t that he betrayed you, but his life too was prone to change. Unfortunately, both of you couldn’t see the coming events which took you by surprise.

  You began to relive the events, and convicted that our will and societal blend shape us and the surroundings. Each event occurs due to a cause, and its effects manifests varyingly across the plains. When you were a fresh graduate, it wasn’t on your mind to leave your city. You were pretty much sure to land a decent job and start a family afterwards, living near your parents. Contrarily, the actual scenario didn’t concur with the mind map. The road of life led you somewhere else, making you ready to fare alone. When your life phased out into the mid-twenties, the list of ‘to dos’ that topped in your priority chart no longer seemed to linger at the same standing.    

  Your parents, once, didn’t let you join the eighth grade farewell trip; consequently, for three days, you didn’t speak a word to them. It was a trip to the highlands. Your parents were worried for your security and protection. Within the span of two years, it was now the final meetup among the high school boys, but the same you were not inclined to make the trip. Your priorities had changed.

   At the result ceremony, your class teacher had patted you on the back saying that you could make a good writer of you, and their suggestion had seemed feasible and interesting. On the later stages, you ended up grappling with computer coding in the IT College.

  The other day, you accompanied your friend to a near picnic spot. Lying on the grass, staring in the empty sky, after a joint of weed, your eyes welled up, eventually, the drop of tears sped down the side cheeks. You pretended your best not to let him know. But, the attempt went in vain. You shifted your focus again into the limitless ocean of nothingness—into your thoughts. That time, you would miss the warmth of familial company; your heart would ache to see them live.

  Despite the sheer longing, you became habitual over the course of time, and one day you endured the separation. The vivid imagery of parents and siblings, strolling here and there, grueling at trivial matters now became obscured. Other thoughts replaced the place of old ones. The idea to flourish in your career occupied your thoughts.

  A sword hanging above the window top too lost its appeal which you had acquired with a high zeal. It was a Roman Legions symbol sword. Now, you seldom glanced at it.

  Hovering by the fridge, one day, you sifted through your thoughts. You found an emptiness in each thought-cloud. Something was missing. The real time enthusiasm and passion no longer seemed to float with the thought-waves. Even the scariest moments of the past had lost its might.

  None seemed to you an important person other than yourself, and this, apparently seem quite rationale. You witnessed before this stage of your life, people came and went by in a matter of days and years. Everybody popped up with some unique agenda at some point in their lives. This logic backed your idea of self-importance.

  You were no longer clung to make a living from a nine-to-five job routine. The stage of innovation and ideas now began to tap on your brain doors. You had attained enough experience that none could refuse including you in their squad. This confidence and the hardships, once again changed your perspective. This time, a unique and bigger want may surge up like the Sun from the deep ocean. However, you knew that even a unique thing as an innovation and ideas will become obsolete someday.

  The other day, you were strolling in the market to grab some grocery. In a midst, you decided to halt for a cup of coffee over a coffee hut. You had hardly taken your seat when a pair of arms spun you around. There stood your friend after a long time. His face sprinkled upon seeing you. He grasped you around your neck and kissed on the forehead. You pretended to reciprocate the same gestures with enthusiasm, but the place for the friend in your heart had become cold. The aura of nearness had long past.

  ‘Just say it,’ you silently reminded yourself. You knew you would regret it if you didn’t.

June 26, 2020 19:17

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